Hmm. Been working on my RVTT blog. So back to blogger to visit. Hmm. Kinda miss it here =/ Haha but no, ebloggy's fine too.
Bye all, till the next time RVTT blog needs me.
Sunday, November 18
Monday, May 14
I still can't access to my templates. So too bad blogger. I've moved, everyone. Please relink!
http://sinyee-.ebloggy.com
http://sinyee-.ebloggy.com
Sunday, May 13
Replies to tags:
Jonathan> I don't knw why the timetable states that tkc is my co-form. But anyway, if he's going overseas, you can bet i won't give a damn la. He's been picking on me for 3 years straight just because i refused to join athletics in sec 1. Aiya, don't need say what motivation liao. I'm gna sink into depression soon. LOL.
Sylvia> I'm gna change to ebloggy le, i've decided. But i need you to help me with the codes, is that okay? Then i'll move. Enough of this blogger rubbish. And i don't think ebloggy will go merge with yahoo la right.. Merga le also might not suck like blogger.
Yingying> Yes, precisely. The only reason i haven't moved already is because of all my archives. But now i'll move, i think my archives are damn childish. Haha.
----
Third consecuetive day of denied access to my blog template. Quite enough. I'm gna ask sylvia to help me do the ebloggy codes and im gna move there. Bye blogger.
Went to sylvia's house today to do our english advertisement poster. I woke up at like 12.30pm and saw sylvia's sms to meet her at 2pm bukit batok mrt station. And i stun there about 5 seconds. LOL. In the end i reached at 1.45pm and waited for 10 minutes.
First did the drawing of the main picture. Done alot of copies of it, with and without outlines and all that. And took alot of pictures from different angles then let sylvia's sister choose. Haha, she kept ka chiao-ing her sister can! Damn funny, i think her sister also pek chek liao.
Doing the photoshop part was more tedious. Had to change alot of stuff. And kept playing around with the final picture's size until we got pek chek too. But then just went jec and see if they are able to help us print A3 size, if not we will just print A4. And yep, it looks damn nice now, in A3 size, clear and only costed us $2.50 We're gna own it tmr (:
Then went to eat dinner with sylvia. Made some modifications. Showed it to my mother when i got back. And she said it looks like it came out of an actual catalogue so it's not original. Ah, like almost all advertisement posters look the same la, then how original you want? If hook don't like it then too bad, we can always keep it for ourselves.
Stupid gamelan reflections to do. Practical and theory test tmr. Flunk it for all i care. And i don't care too if it's graded.
Jonathan> I don't knw why the timetable states that tkc is my co-form. But anyway, if he's going overseas, you can bet i won't give a damn la. He's been picking on me for 3 years straight just because i refused to join athletics in sec 1. Aiya, don't need say what motivation liao. I'm gna sink into depression soon. LOL.
Sylvia> I'm gna change to ebloggy le, i've decided. But i need you to help me with the codes, is that okay? Then i'll move. Enough of this blogger rubbish. And i don't think ebloggy will go merge with yahoo la right.. Merga le also might not suck like blogger.
Yingying> Yes, precisely. The only reason i haven't moved already is because of all my archives. But now i'll move, i think my archives are damn childish. Haha.
----
Third consecuetive day of denied access to my blog template. Quite enough. I'm gna ask sylvia to help me do the ebloggy codes and im gna move there. Bye blogger.
Went to sylvia's house today to do our english advertisement poster. I woke up at like 12.30pm and saw sylvia's sms to meet her at 2pm bukit batok mrt station. And i stun there about 5 seconds. LOL. In the end i reached at 1.45pm and waited for 10 minutes.
First did the drawing of the main picture. Done alot of copies of it, with and without outlines and all that. And took alot of pictures from different angles then let sylvia's sister choose. Haha, she kept ka chiao-ing her sister can! Damn funny, i think her sister also pek chek liao.
Doing the photoshop part was more tedious. Had to change alot of stuff. And kept playing around with the final picture's size until we got pek chek too. But then just went jec and see if they are able to help us print A3 size, if not we will just print A4. And yep, it looks damn nice now, in A3 size, clear and only costed us $2.50 We're gna own it tmr (:
Then went to eat dinner with sylvia. Made some modifications. Showed it to my mother when i got back. And she said it looks like it came out of an actual catalogue so it's not original. Ah, like almost all advertisement posters look the same la, then how original you want? If hook don't like it then too bad, we can always keep it for ourselves.
Stupid gamelan reflections to do. Practical and theory test tmr. Flunk it for all i care. And i don't care too if it's graded.
Consecuetive two days of failure of access to my blog template is equivalent to driving me to another blog host. Since i can't change my links, blog song, blog skin, wish list and such. It's darn pissifying, if anything. I'm gna have to move to another blog host some time. And say good bye to this stinky old blogger.
Soon blogger's gna be left with no one if this lousy service continues. Bet you i'd laugh out loud.
Soon blogger's gna be left with no one if this lousy service continues. Bet you i'd laugh out loud.
Saturday, May 12
Okay, what's the problem with blogger, seriously? Firstly this dumb google thing, then it gave me this retarded New Post page that im staring at now and then now, i can't access to my Templates page to strike off something from my wishlist or change my blog song or change my blogskin. Sucks luh. I'm really pissed about this. One day im gna move to ebloggy like sylvia and jonathan. You blogger. Better appreciate that i haven't moved already before i really move. LOL.
Today was darn slack. No homework to do. Been very long sicne i last woke up at 1pm. Lagged around at home for awhile before going to jp and to return my book due today. And i bought S.H.E's Play album :D It's great, but some songs sound quite funny on a first listen.
Came back home and basically lagged. Until now. Okay not really, been doing my invitation cards to my birthday chalet. And they look pretty (: Like sylvia says, it's just 14 days away. Doesn't time just fly past.. So fast it's gna be mid-may soon..
And like what i read in her blog, mr tan's gna leave 3 Hapsburg soon. It's been a good 5 months he's been our co-form. And i seriously think mr tan and ms chia are possibly the best form/co-form teachers one can get. Mr tan just always understands how we feel, i guess because he's young too :D Wish him all the best in his studying overseas.
And for the 4th time, HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHIENYING! :D (Nah, this is not stupid le, is idiotic already =.=)
----
谢谢你的温柔 S.H.E/飞轮海
谢谢你如此温柔 捧着爱静静等候
我的双手 其实同样在颤抖
但我能给你什么 我只是一个他遗忘的我
心被一扫而空
我会把你 种在我心中
也许某天 会终于再次长出一个梦
不知道不明瞭不想要 为什么我的心
明明是想靠近 却孤单到黎明
不知道不明瞭不想要 为什么我的心
那爱情的绮丽 总是在孤单里
在把我的最好的爱给你
谢谢你如此温柔 点着笑容的灯火
只温暖而不打扰我的寒冬
还没决定往哪走 才所以不能答应你陪我
怕你会变成我
Today was darn slack. No homework to do. Been very long sicne i last woke up at 1pm. Lagged around at home for awhile before going to jp and to return my book due today. And i bought S.H.E's Play album :D It's great, but some songs sound quite funny on a first listen.
Came back home and basically lagged. Until now. Okay not really, been doing my invitation cards to my birthday chalet. And they look pretty (: Like sylvia says, it's just 14 days away. Doesn't time just fly past.. So fast it's gna be mid-may soon..
And like what i read in her blog, mr tan's gna leave 3 Hapsburg soon. It's been a good 5 months he's been our co-form. And i seriously think mr tan and ms chia are possibly the best form/co-form teachers one can get. Mr tan just always understands how we feel, i guess because he's young too :D Wish him all the best in his studying overseas.
And for the 4th time, HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHIENYING! :D (Nah, this is not stupid le, is idiotic already =.=)
----
谢谢你的温柔 S.H.E/飞轮海
谢谢你如此温柔 捧着爱静静等候
我的双手 其实同样在颤抖
但我能给你什么 我只是一个他遗忘的我
心被一扫而空
我会把你 种在我心中
也许某天 会终于再次长出一个梦
不知道不明瞭不想要 为什么我的心
明明是想靠近 却孤单到黎明
不知道不明瞭不想要 为什么我的心
那爱情的绮丽 总是在孤单里
在把我的最好的爱给你
谢谢你如此温柔 点着笑容的灯火
只温暖而不打扰我的寒冬
还没决定往哪走 才所以不能答应你陪我
怕你会变成我
Friday, May 11
Hmm. What can i say? After reading sylvia's blog, and the class blog (which was posted by her too), it struck me very hard. Not only did i realise how my so-called "mugging" actually is nothing but slacking, i came to understand that i simply did not put in enough effort.
I think it was sheer luck that i had managed to pass history, SS, english and chinese. Border-line passes, but still a pas nonetheless. Yes, i did fail chem and math as expected. Math not quite as bad as i thought, chem was a letdown. Physics alone left to be known on wednesday. Which i think im pretty much done for as well..
Came back home and father just talked to me about my failure in maths again. I can't take it much longer. Why must they always assume that im spending so much time and concentration on my trainings and neglecting my studies? I didn't even go for training today. I'm just totally crushed by his words. He told me not to be so active in cca because he assume im a reserve for the team. He says it's not worth it for a reserve position to screw my maths up.
And yknw this really cracked me up. I've played this sport for so many years, although im not very good at it, am i to him, just nothing but a reserve? Is my plac value that low as he sees me? Does he really hate me playing it so much? I really can't take this. I can't give this up now, although i might be happy to. It's been stressing me for awhile, but not to the extent that he has to make me quit it. And i knw that i can't.
I just feel so lost and i don't knw what i can do. Even if i really did study, i still screw up. I can't study to get good results, i can't do well in my cca. I can't handle this bullshit from him. I just can't. I really hate my parents forever pushing all the blame to my cca. Maybe they had convinced me and now i really dread going to cca too.
Sometimes they just cannot understand and i just don't knw what i can do instead of feeling so frustrated and lost.
I really wished i could get myself out of this too. I don't knw why my passion just die off that easily. It's just torture. Maybe there wasn't really a passion to start with. Maybe that 'passion' was the interlude in all my unwillingness for it. But now i've gotten myself in this, there isn't any way out, i can't leave my responsibility. Though i don't knw why they must give me a position which i do not want. I'd rather they didn't give me anything, if i can't get the one i want. Why still get me involved? It's better off with people who truly want it.
I don't think i'd be able to do such a fantastic job as well. So i suggest you don't depend on me. There are others far more capable because i can't even handle my own problems well. I've lost the right to assume any more responsibilities for now. I'm sorry but i wished i could have the right to do more.
I think it was sheer luck that i had managed to pass history, SS, english and chinese. Border-line passes, but still a pas nonetheless. Yes, i did fail chem and math as expected. Math not quite as bad as i thought, chem was a letdown. Physics alone left to be known on wednesday. Which i think im pretty much done for as well..
Came back home and father just talked to me about my failure in maths again. I can't take it much longer. Why must they always assume that im spending so much time and concentration on my trainings and neglecting my studies? I didn't even go for training today. I'm just totally crushed by his words. He told me not to be so active in cca because he assume im a reserve for the team. He says it's not worth it for a reserve position to screw my maths up.
And yknw this really cracked me up. I've played this sport for so many years, although im not very good at it, am i to him, just nothing but a reserve? Is my plac value that low as he sees me? Does he really hate me playing it so much? I really can't take this. I can't give this up now, although i might be happy to. It's been stressing me for awhile, but not to the extent that he has to make me quit it. And i knw that i can't.
I just feel so lost and i don't knw what i can do. Even if i really did study, i still screw up. I can't study to get good results, i can't do well in my cca. I can't handle this bullshit from him. I just can't. I really hate my parents forever pushing all the blame to my cca. Maybe they had convinced me and now i really dread going to cca too.
Sometimes they just cannot understand and i just don't knw what i can do instead of feeling so frustrated and lost.
I really wished i could get myself out of this too. I don't knw why my passion just die off that easily. It's just torture. Maybe there wasn't really a passion to start with. Maybe that 'passion' was the interlude in all my unwillingness for it. But now i've gotten myself in this, there isn't any way out, i can't leave my responsibility. Though i don't knw why they must give me a position which i do not want. I'd rather they didn't give me anything, if i can't get the one i want. Why still get me involved? It's better off with people who truly want it.
I don't think i'd be able to do such a fantastic job as well. So i suggest you don't depend on me. There are others far more capable because i can't even handle my own problems well. I've lost the right to assume any more responsibilities for now. I'm sorry but i wished i could have the right to do more.
Thursday, May 10
This page looks completely fine in school. It looks completely screwed at home. I certainly hope it's not my computer's problem.
Went through maths paper today, without the paper though. And i regret so much for crossing out the workings which i can't get an answer. I wasted 3 marks on it. And from question 1 to 5, i only have got 7 marks so far. Pathetic. Can't do anything about it, i'll be thankful if i even manage to hit 10.
Next was history paper. So far the one im most disappointed in. JUST scraped a pass for it. Completely ridiculous. The essay which we've practiced in class before, the one that im supposed to score, i got like a 2 out of 12. And the opinion question, which i was totally unprepared for, i got a 10 out of 13. Irony.
I think ms chia is damn disappointed in me, if not everyone of us. I've fallen, and i've fallen hard. From my A1, to a B4 now, is unacceptable. I don't knw how to take it but act like it doesn't matter. And this is everything i get from studying.
Went to the NEWater production place today. It was quite interesting. The games they told us to play. Look at this bunch of fifteen-year-olds amuse themselves with this game with a fish in the fish tank. Answer trivial questions to play.
A wrong answer would result in a crack in the fish tank and water would leak. Two wrongs and the fish would die. In the end, we answered all questions correctly. How did the fish die? NO, not by leakage of water. It died in the dirty fish tank water, because we refused to change the water. Like damn funny can. Everyone watching at us play was laughing la. Haha
Went out with sharmie, chiouyih, sinyee, chingxin, kristie, lihui, xinyu and yanyi to watch 200 Pounds Beauty at je. But much to our dismay, it wasn't available there. Wasted alot of time lagging around the place, calling up people to help us check the time available at cinemas close to us. Got quite pissed off and didn't want to go at first. The show at West Mall starting at 7pm which was damn late already. But i still went without asking.
The show is really good. Some parts quite touching. And i don't believe i cried for that. LOL. I think it's getting easier and easier for me to cry man. Ahh, must control my emotions better.
Anyway im darn tired now i want to sleep. Long day at school tmr. Zzz.
Went through maths paper today, without the paper though. And i regret so much for crossing out the workings which i can't get an answer. I wasted 3 marks on it. And from question 1 to 5, i only have got 7 marks so far. Pathetic. Can't do anything about it, i'll be thankful if i even manage to hit 10.
Next was history paper. So far the one im most disappointed in. JUST scraped a pass for it. Completely ridiculous. The essay which we've practiced in class before, the one that im supposed to score, i got like a 2 out of 12. And the opinion question, which i was totally unprepared for, i got a 10 out of 13. Irony.
I think ms chia is damn disappointed in me, if not everyone of us. I've fallen, and i've fallen hard. From my A1, to a B4 now, is unacceptable. I don't knw how to take it but act like it doesn't matter. And this is everything i get from studying.
Went to the NEWater production place today. It was quite interesting. The games they told us to play. Look at this bunch of fifteen-year-olds amuse themselves with this game with a fish in the fish tank. Answer trivial questions to play.
A wrong answer would result in a crack in the fish tank and water would leak. Two wrongs and the fish would die. In the end, we answered all questions correctly. How did the fish die? NO, not by leakage of water. It died in the dirty fish tank water, because we refused to change the water. Like damn funny can. Everyone watching at us play was laughing la. Haha
Went out with sharmie, chiouyih, sinyee, chingxin, kristie, lihui, xinyu and yanyi to watch 200 Pounds Beauty at je. But much to our dismay, it wasn't available there. Wasted alot of time lagging around the place, calling up people to help us check the time available at cinemas close to us. Got quite pissed off and didn't want to go at first. The show at West Mall starting at 7pm which was damn late already. But i still went without asking.
The show is really good. Some parts quite touching. And i don't believe i cried for that. LOL. I think it's getting easier and easier for me to cry man. Ahh, must control my emotions better.
Anyway im darn tired now i want to sleep. Long day at school tmr. Zzz.
Wednesday, May 9
I'm feeling super tired. The comp's screwed. I turned it off at 10.15pm because it was frigging lag and i don't have the patience for this laggy comp to keep me awake. But i tried again and it isn't lag now. Ohwell.
Back to lessons today. Got back chinese gong han and i got some smashing lousy mark. I can't believe my chinese is still a bloody C6. Where the hell did my A2 go?! Grr. This is so pissifying. Gohsm didn't come to school today, so the whole class just lagged and studied for module for abit. Mr liu's class was free period too. Early break for 5 minutes.
After break had talent time in 3H which kind of fell under expectation. I mean, it was funny and all but.. okay i don't knw what to say. =/
Module test was damn.. I'm gna flunk it for sure. Once i got the paper i stun there for about 5 seconds before i even knw what to write. It's not difficult, it's just that i can't recall a single thing which i studied. So another one flunked.
My essays were so short i think they look like source based questions. I wrote halfway and fell asleep =x In a slumber i was thinking 'okay, im gna finish the paper' and so the next word which i wrote on the paper was 'okay' which was so NOT supposed to be there luh.
Went for the jab today. And tell you what, i can't believe im such a weakling. First was height and weight. Zzz i think i need a diet like right now. And don't try to convince my horrendous weight is due to muscle mass, i don't buy that crap.
Next was the stupid jab and lihui told me to go first. So fine, i went first. No feeling at all. Was sort of anticipating the weird feeling i felt in promary 6's jab but it didn't come. It only started to ache after the jab. And i almost fainted, can you believe it. I'm such a bloody weakling luh.
I was like standing in the queue to wait for the doctor's check-up and then i saw the lights overhead spinning. And i squat down to rest for abit, then lihui and pearly told me i looked pale. So i went into the classroom again. The nurse said it was because i didn't take my lunch before the jab. Crap. I'm a weakling.
And the doctor's check-up was darn retarded. I sat down, he looked at my list of allergies or illness. Everything was a 'No' so he said 'Hmm very fit. Take care.' Signed his name, chopped the clinic's chop, his name's chop, and i go out and pay 10 bucks for this. CON LUH.
Now there's still this faint throb of the ache every 3 seconds or so. Damn it. It ruined my appetite yknw, and i got no mood to do anything at all because of it. This sucks. Tmr's gna be a long day, going NEWater factory for learning journey. Hope it'll be fun with hapsburg!
And im so gna miss the 9.30am dismissal time. The daily mugging session with josephine, daniel and qinhui. All the fun and stress the exam brings. It must be better than the result getting time. It's the start of my Dooms Week ):
& yknw what, i think i'd be able to write a 3 factor essay on why my life is so frigging screwed up now and get a full marks for it. Because no one can understand it better than myself.
----
And im bloody screwed up today. Everything just keeps screwing up, nothing's going right. Please don't blame me, i can't handle. I just feel inferior is all. I'm sorry.
And i just can't bring myself to do this. No matter it is to the first matter or the second matter. I just can't do it. What can i say? I don't want to force myself to ever do anything ehich i don't want to, and no one can make me too. Pertaining to the first matter, it will be alright, i hope.. I'll just have to try real hard..
But the second matter, im really sorry. And that's probably everything i can say. Because no one will understand, i just can't force myself into it. I'm just so sorry. I don't want anything anymore.
Back to lessons today. Got back chinese gong han and i got some smashing lousy mark. I can't believe my chinese is still a bloody C6. Where the hell did my A2 go?! Grr. This is so pissifying. Gohsm didn't come to school today, so the whole class just lagged and studied for module for abit. Mr liu's class was free period too. Early break for 5 minutes.
After break had talent time in 3H which kind of fell under expectation. I mean, it was funny and all but.. okay i don't knw what to say. =/
Module test was damn.. I'm gna flunk it for sure. Once i got the paper i stun there for about 5 seconds before i even knw what to write. It's not difficult, it's just that i can't recall a single thing which i studied. So another one flunked.
My essays were so short i think they look like source based questions. I wrote halfway and fell asleep =x In a slumber i was thinking 'okay, im gna finish the paper' and so the next word which i wrote on the paper was 'okay' which was so NOT supposed to be there luh.
Went for the jab today. And tell you what, i can't believe im such a weakling. First was height and weight. Zzz i think i need a diet like right now. And don't try to convince my horrendous weight is due to muscle mass, i don't buy that crap.
Next was the stupid jab and lihui told me to go first. So fine, i went first. No feeling at all. Was sort of anticipating the weird feeling i felt in promary 6's jab but it didn't come. It only started to ache after the jab. And i almost fainted, can you believe it. I'm such a bloody weakling luh.
I was like standing in the queue to wait for the doctor's check-up and then i saw the lights overhead spinning. And i squat down to rest for abit, then lihui and pearly told me i looked pale. So i went into the classroom again. The nurse said it was because i didn't take my lunch before the jab. Crap. I'm a weakling.
And the doctor's check-up was darn retarded. I sat down, he looked at my list of allergies or illness. Everything was a 'No' so he said 'Hmm very fit. Take care.' Signed his name, chopped the clinic's chop, his name's chop, and i go out and pay 10 bucks for this. CON LUH.
Now there's still this faint throb of the ache every 3 seconds or so. Damn it. It ruined my appetite yknw, and i got no mood to do anything at all because of it. This sucks. Tmr's gna be a long day, going NEWater factory for learning journey. Hope it'll be fun with hapsburg!
And im so gna miss the 9.30am dismissal time. The daily mugging session with josephine, daniel and qinhui. All the fun and stress the exam brings. It must be better than the result getting time. It's the start of my Dooms Week ):
& yknw what, i think i'd be able to write a 3 factor essay on why my life is so frigging screwed up now and get a full marks for it. Because no one can understand it better than myself.
----
And im bloody screwed up today. Everything just keeps screwing up, nothing's going right. Please don't blame me, i can't handle. I just feel inferior is all. I'm sorry.
And i just can't bring myself to do this. No matter it is to the first matter or the second matter. I just can't do it. What can i say? I don't want to force myself to ever do anything ehich i don't want to, and no one can make me too. Pertaining to the first matter, it will be alright, i hope.. I'll just have to try real hard..
But the second matter, im really sorry. And that's probably everything i can say. Because no one will understand, i just can't force myself into it. I'm just so sorry. I don't want anything anymore.
Tuesday, May 8
What? We have to take jabs? Ahh no..
Suffering from flu and sore throat now. Zzz.
Totally got owned by math paper. See, i said studying is of no use. I totally put in effort already but i only knw how to do roughly 2.5 questions. Deducted like 40+ marks. And that is so encouraging. I think im damn pathetic.
Like damn it, i see the first question is only solving simultaneous equation then thought still can do, then solve until i damn pek chek also don't knw correct or wrong la. I JUST DON'T KNW WHY I CAN'T GET THE ANSWER WHEN I KNW HOW TO DO THE QUESTIONS. Use the method then can solve normally and today all can't solve. What is this man.
Sorry mr liu, don't blame me, i tried.
After school went je lib to lag awhile with sylvia, josephine, daniel and qinhui. Only awhile. Supposed to study for module but i got no mood at all. So me, josephine and daniel went marina square. LOL. Okay, we were lame enough and walked a long way and sat by the singapore river and chatted for about an hour or so. We really have got nothing better to do.
Alot of random walking. And my mood got more and more screwed up along the way. A flu, a headache, a phone call, a pissed person.
Ah well. And took 97 back from marina all the way to je. Then back home. Then don't knw why suddenly got a sore throat. Anyway i really have no mood to study for the module test, which in any case i don't think if i study it would be much help.
Was told have to take a tetanus jab for OBS. Unless our primary 6 vaccination was in august or later. Damn it, mine's in april. I hate needles la can. Zzz.
----
No, i am not pissed at you. I was not pissed at you, or anyone for that matter. Maybe im just pissed with myself for always feeling so inferior. I can't compare to you, or anyone else. I don't think i'll be able to get my passion back in such a short time. All i felt when i heard of it was getting pissed. Or im just afraid of defeat. I've always felt like nothing compared to the rest of you. I don't knw why im still in this. I don't want to feel like this but i can't help it. I'm just inferior and admit it, it's a fact.
And you knw what, i really regretted telling you i would help. Because i have no intentions to help in any way. And it's not against you or anyone. I'm just too worn out to have to worry about more things. I knw it's not fair to you because you have stuff to manage too, but you've been given the responsibility. So it's not really like i can do anything.
I'm sorry if you don't like this. But i have no bad intentions meant or any hard feelings. I'm simply very worn out by everything. So please don't come and ask me anything pertaining to this issue anymore. I'm gna reach the limit soon.
Suffering from flu and sore throat now. Zzz.
Totally got owned by math paper. See, i said studying is of no use. I totally put in effort already but i only knw how to do roughly 2.5 questions. Deducted like 40+ marks. And that is so encouraging. I think im damn pathetic.
Like damn it, i see the first question is only solving simultaneous equation then thought still can do, then solve until i damn pek chek also don't knw correct or wrong la. I JUST DON'T KNW WHY I CAN'T GET THE ANSWER WHEN I KNW HOW TO DO THE QUESTIONS. Use the method then can solve normally and today all can't solve. What is this man.
Sorry mr liu, don't blame me, i tried.
After school went je lib to lag awhile with sylvia, josephine, daniel and qinhui. Only awhile. Supposed to study for module but i got no mood at all. So me, josephine and daniel went marina square. LOL. Okay, we were lame enough and walked a long way and sat by the singapore river and chatted for about an hour or so. We really have got nothing better to do.
Alot of random walking. And my mood got more and more screwed up along the way. A flu, a headache, a phone call, a pissed person.
Ah well. And took 97 back from marina all the way to je. Then back home. Then don't knw why suddenly got a sore throat. Anyway i really have no mood to study for the module test, which in any case i don't think if i study it would be much help.
Was told have to take a tetanus jab for OBS. Unless our primary 6 vaccination was in august or later. Damn it, mine's in april. I hate needles la can. Zzz.
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No, i am not pissed at you. I was not pissed at you, or anyone for that matter. Maybe im just pissed with myself for always feeling so inferior. I can't compare to you, or anyone else. I don't think i'll be able to get my passion back in such a short time. All i felt when i heard of it was getting pissed. Or im just afraid of defeat. I've always felt like nothing compared to the rest of you. I don't knw why im still in this. I don't want to feel like this but i can't help it. I'm just inferior and admit it, it's a fact.
And you knw what, i really regretted telling you i would help. Because i have no intentions to help in any way. And it's not against you or anyone. I'm just too worn out to have to worry about more things. I knw it's not fair to you because you have stuff to manage too, but you've been given the responsibility. So it's not really like i can do anything.
I'm sorry if you don't like this. But i have no bad intentions meant or any hard feelings. I'm simply very worn out by everything. So please don't come and ask me anything pertaining to this issue anymore. I'm gna reach the limit soon.
Monday, May 7
Damn. I hate this weird page.
SS paper went alright, was better than the history paper, that is for certain. And essay question was indeed british defeat as anticipated. But the opinion question stunned me for awhile. Hopefully i'll be able to do well for it.
After school was mugging math at library with sylvia and jieren. Did a few questions which sylvia prepared then waited for the pros - josephine, daniel and qinhui to come. Then i did some more while the rest slacked. Like i was the only one doing and didn't even realise. Today was by far the most productive of mugging days or maybe im plain desperate to pass math. Haha.
Went to the rink again today, think im addicted already or what. Or maybe i just need the motivation.. I still have a few days.. Shall believe i can do it by then.
Wanted to study at the senior citizen corner after going back home and taking the two textbooks. But i reached home and just felt so tired that i didn't want to go down anymore. So just self studied at home. But the bad thing is that i will kind of fall asleep halfway =x
Gna have to study for module tmr or im totally gna get owned at it on wednesday. Well, i kind of think im gna flunk module without a doubt, but nvm, shall still put in some effort. Even if it's a bare minimum, it must still be better than nothing.
And OBS is gna take place around 2 months from now. Think it's gna be damn fun. Been looking forward to it for like so long and it's finally here! Went for briefing today and it reminded me so much of step camp at changi last year. Ah, hope it would be more fun than step camp. I think it would be.. Jiayou everyone! Last paper tmr, 2 for bi-cultural and module students.. After that, we'll be free (: Tmr shall be the last day of enjoying the 9.30am dismissal time too..
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Don't worry. I'll be fine.. It's completely normal, maybe you just haven't seen enough of me. There's always a time where my emotions just go down, way down. I might not be okay now, but i will be. Thanks for noticing and concerning, it did mean alot..
SS paper went alright, was better than the history paper, that is for certain. And essay question was indeed british defeat as anticipated. But the opinion question stunned me for awhile. Hopefully i'll be able to do well for it.
After school was mugging math at library with sylvia and jieren. Did a few questions which sylvia prepared then waited for the pros - josephine, daniel and qinhui to come. Then i did some more while the rest slacked. Like i was the only one doing and didn't even realise. Today was by far the most productive of mugging days or maybe im plain desperate to pass math. Haha.
Went to the rink again today, think im addicted already or what. Or maybe i just need the motivation.. I still have a few days.. Shall believe i can do it by then.
Wanted to study at the senior citizen corner after going back home and taking the two textbooks. But i reached home and just felt so tired that i didn't want to go down anymore. So just self studied at home. But the bad thing is that i will kind of fall asleep halfway =x
Gna have to study for module tmr or im totally gna get owned at it on wednesday. Well, i kind of think im gna flunk module without a doubt, but nvm, shall still put in some effort. Even if it's a bare minimum, it must still be better than nothing.
And OBS is gna take place around 2 months from now. Think it's gna be damn fun. Been looking forward to it for like so long and it's finally here! Went for briefing today and it reminded me so much of step camp at changi last year. Ah, hope it would be more fun than step camp. I think it would be.. Jiayou everyone! Last paper tmr, 2 for bi-cultural and module students.. After that, we'll be free (: Tmr shall be the last day of enjoying the 9.30am dismissal time too..
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Don't worry. I'll be fine.. It's completely normal, maybe you just haven't seen enough of me. There's always a time where my emotions just go down, way down. I might not be okay now, but i will be. Thanks for noticing and concerning, it did mean alot..
Sunday, May 6
The page still looks weird. =/ And my new monitor screen is big, very big. And bright without the filter. Ohwell, random.
Went out to mug again with josephine, yanyi, daniel, matthias and sylvia in the end. Wasn't even remotely close to being productive. I'm done with SS, thankfully, but i've done like nothing for math. And im worried now, very worried.
Somehow i had managed to persuade myself not to focus on my math in the library because i just felt like sleeping, having slept at like 3am this morning. But now that i got home i start to worry about math, because suddenly, i don't exactly feel like failing it anymore.
I guess yanyi got mad at me over lunch. =/ Sorry girl, we didn't mean to like, leave you alone there or complain about you or anything. Was just picking fun. It's a small misunderstanding. I knw you're not that petty yet. So yeah, don't be mad anymore.
Second half of the day was basically slacking through. And taking the pain of deleting 100+ of my smses but still not even halfway there. Ah, i will finish deleting it one day! Then matthias left. So i entertained myself by talking with sylvia.
Sylvia and i then went for our cheese waffles and oreopearls chocolate and went to the ice skating rink where we saw this little girl having her skating lesson. She was kind of void of expressions but her skating was damn graceful. Just make me feel inferior because i can't even play my table tennis well enough. Ah, now i have motivation..
Went back and talked to sylvia about our lives. I mean, some interesting issues. And later sylvia went off. So josephine and daniel were talking some random rubbish with me. Hmm..kind of good to talk about things once in awhile. Clears my head.
And i took like 20 minutes to walk home at a slower-than-snail-speed speed today. Just felt kind of worn out and..i don't knw, sad or something? But yeah. Shall not let it affect my mood for upcoming papers. 3 more to go and im free.
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I've thought things through.. I guess i'll still have to depend on myself for the motivation to ignite my passion again. Cos i really hope i'll be able to do it, so i can enjoy myself while at it too.
Cos i wished i could help, but how do i do that when im disliking it so much now? I'd hate to feel like im forcing myself to do things i don't want to. So i shall try and make myself do things like how i used to love it so much.. So don't worry, i'll honour my words.
I just want to be like you. When i could treat it like it was my life and enjoy every moment of it.
Just a simple sentence, a simple incident, can spark off my motivation. I really hope i'll be able to get there because i knw what i want for it. No more disappointment..
Went out to mug again with josephine, yanyi, daniel, matthias and sylvia in the end. Wasn't even remotely close to being productive. I'm done with SS, thankfully, but i've done like nothing for math. And im worried now, very worried.
Somehow i had managed to persuade myself not to focus on my math in the library because i just felt like sleeping, having slept at like 3am this morning. But now that i got home i start to worry about math, because suddenly, i don't exactly feel like failing it anymore.
I guess yanyi got mad at me over lunch. =/ Sorry girl, we didn't mean to like, leave you alone there or complain about you or anything. Was just picking fun. It's a small misunderstanding. I knw you're not that petty yet. So yeah, don't be mad anymore.
Second half of the day was basically slacking through. And taking the pain of deleting 100+ of my smses but still not even halfway there. Ah, i will finish deleting it one day! Then matthias left. So i entertained myself by talking with sylvia.
Sylvia and i then went for our cheese waffles and oreo
Went back and talked to sylvia about our lives. I mean, some interesting issues. And later sylvia went off. So josephine and daniel were talking some random rubbish with me. Hmm..kind of good to talk about things once in awhile. Clears my head.
And i took like 20 minutes to walk home at a slower-than-snail-speed speed today. Just felt kind of worn out and..i don't knw, sad or something? But yeah. Shall not let it affect my mood for upcoming papers. 3 more to go and im free.
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I've thought things through.. I guess i'll still have to depend on myself for the motivation to ignite my passion again. Cos i really hope i'll be able to do it, so i can enjoy myself while at it too.
Cos i wished i could help, but how do i do that when im disliking it so much now? I'd hate to feel like im forcing myself to do things i don't want to. So i shall try and make myself do things like how i used to love it so much.. So don't worry, i'll honour my words.
I just want to be like you. When i could treat it like it was my life and enjoy every moment of it.
Just a simple sentence, a simple incident, can spark off my motivation. I really hope i'll be able to get there because i knw what i want for it. No more disappointment..
Hmm okayy, my New Post page looks weird. Ohwell, it's out of place.
Blogging a little too late, over the midnight mark, supposed to refer to things as yesterday. Basically i just spent few hours in the library with josephine, yanyi and daniel and for a while sylvia, jieren, sweecheng and melvin mugging SS. Was not very productive though time just passed very quickly today. Almost done with it so tmr will be left to doing math. [And exploring phones!] LOL. Okay.
Nothing much to blog about anyway. Gna watch Spiderman 3 with yeejin after school on monday. Birthday treat! (:
Blogging a little too late, over the midnight mark, supposed to refer to things as yesterday. Basically i just spent few hours in the library with josephine, yanyi and daniel and for a while sylvia, jieren, sweecheng and melvin mugging SS. Was not very productive though time just passed very quickly today. Almost done with it so tmr will be left to doing math. [And exploring phones!] LOL. Okay.
Nothing much to blog about anyway. Gna watch Spiderman 3 with yeejin after school on monday. Birthday treat! (:
Friday, May 4
Physics paper today totally owned. Well okay, i don't knw if it would have helped if i had studied more. Since i did not. I have no idea why i was so tired last night that i went to sleep at 8.45pm then woke up at 10pm with half a mind to continue studying. But i could barely get a few lines into my head when my eyelids are already struggling to close out on me. So i succumbed to my fatigue and did not wake up until 5am.
I was stuck at section A, the MCQ part for nearly 30 minutes. Once i turned over the cover page, the first question stumped me already. While staring intently at my question 17, i sub-consciously fell asleep =x But still, i managed to finish the paper afterall, though i doubt i could clear a pass at all. So i still think i'd do better for chem than physics.
School let out at 9.30am, so went jec for breakfast with yanyi then went west mall to scout for mothers' day presents. Yanyi was the one who wanted to get something for her mother, not me. And i saw two more books which i want today! Both of which would total up to about 45 bucks. Zzz..
Took 157 home from there and have been slacking ever since. Okay i've highlighted what im gna study for SS. Before i bore myself stupid over the weekends and while away precious time, i'm out to study my SS and math with josephine and yanyi tmr, and of course on sunday too. Hopefully mugging now would prove to be useful, unlike my previous judgements.
Jiayou everyone! A final dash for the last 2 papers (3 for bio students) and we're free! :D Though another day closer to my D.Day. Ah well, i guess what have to come would still come. Now's the time to relax abit after a week of extensive (maybe not for me =x) study. Rest well everyone!
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Been quite addicted to my current blog song - Ye Zi! The music video's kinda moving, been replaying it countless times for the past few days. Rather nice and reminiscing. I recommend Tonight by FM static too (:
4 more days. (5 for me. Module test :O) Jiayou.
I was stuck at section A, the MCQ part for nearly 30 minutes. Once i turned over the cover page, the first question stumped me already. While staring intently at my question 17, i sub-consciously fell asleep =x But still, i managed to finish the paper afterall, though i doubt i could clear a pass at all. So i still think i'd do better for chem than physics.
School let out at 9.30am, so went jec for breakfast with yanyi then went west mall to scout for mothers' day presents. Yanyi was the one who wanted to get something for her mother, not me. And i saw two more books which i want today! Both of which would total up to about 45 bucks. Zzz..
Took 157 home from there and have been slacking ever since. Okay i've highlighted what im gna study for SS. Before i bore myself stupid over the weekends and while away precious time, i'm out to study my SS and math with josephine and yanyi tmr, and of course on sunday too. Hopefully mugging now would prove to be useful, unlike my previous judgements.
Jiayou everyone! A final dash for the last 2 papers (3 for bio students) and we're free! :D Though another day closer to my D.Day. Ah well, i guess what have to come would still come. Now's the time to relax abit after a week of extensive (maybe not for me =x) study. Rest well everyone!
----
Been quite addicted to my current blog song - Ye Zi! The music video's kinda moving, been replaying it countless times for the past few days. Rather nice and reminiscing. I recommend Tonight by FM static too (:
4 more days. (5 for me. Module test :O) Jiayou.
Thursday, May 3
Apparently, i've made a decision after s.teo's call to my father. It really pissed my father off anyway, so he pissed me off next. He told s.teo that i am not gna make it to university and told her not to talk about going to step for scholarship application. That was his stand.
After he hung up the phone and learnt that my rvtt camp might clash, he tried to dissuade me going to rvtt camp by wanting me to go step camp. 'Do you knw how to prioritise? This camp can get you a scholarship, and what does your cca camp do? Can it get you your 'A's in the exam?' WTF. How ironic.
So he left me with the decision myself. Telling me that he don't want my constant over-attention in cca affect my studies. But if i choose to go step camp, i've got to pay for it myself. Which implies he wants me to go for none. Like that's bullshit alright. I don't give a bloody damn to my cca anymore, but that's another thing with the camp. I just can't not go. Yes, i will still have senior farewells, i will still have camps, but what he don't understand that it won't be the same batch of seniors, it won't be the same camp. Moreover, it might be my last chance to lead it as head coordinator with the 3 others.
And he said, 'honestly, i hate you playing table tennis.' And he gave me a really ridiculous reason to go with it too. I've just decided, im giving up step camp. Well, i might never get a second chance, but i can do nothing about it because both camps are equally important. Whichever way i'll still have to make a decision.. I might have chose this to spite him, or i just can't bring myself to shirk the responsibility i have.
I haven't spoken more than 5 sentences ever since i reached home 2 hours ago. I think normally i'd be rattling off to my mother about how my day went, much as she's not interested in listening. Well, though she isn't the one who disallowed me to go for the camps, she had a part by putting in a bad word for me after every sentence my father spoke, basically. Might as well.
Chem paper is gna own me. But hey, it's not like i really care anymore. Tmr's physics and im gna get owned too. Sad but true and mugging is seriously useless. I wish i could just chuck everything out of the window and not care, but somehow i'll find myself picking up my files to read. Slackers can't mug, and when they do, nothing is achieved but a major mental exhaustion.
So i got home at 6pm feeling very worn out and all i wanted to do was drop down and sleep before continuing on my mugging later. But my mother told me to go down and buy dinner for everyone. 'You brother has a headache.' WOW. He has a headache but he's sitting away infront of the computer playing his stupid maple story. You mean headache can't go down buy food but can play games on the comp? So my brother cleverly went to sleep. So i had to go down anyway.
It's always a bad day on an exam day from the start all through till the end. I can't even be left alone for a while to study. Can't everyone like shut up for once. Stop giving me such bullshit already. I still want to study my physics, now don't blame me if i fail it.
After he hung up the phone and learnt that my rvtt camp might clash, he tried to dissuade me going to rvtt camp by wanting me to go step camp. 'Do you knw how to prioritise? This camp can get you a scholarship, and what does your cca camp do? Can it get you your 'A's in the exam?' WTF. How ironic.
So he left me with the decision myself. Telling me that he don't want my constant over-attention in cca affect my studies. But if i choose to go step camp, i've got to pay for it myself. Which implies he wants me to go for none. Like that's bullshit alright. I don't give a bloody damn to my cca anymore, but that's another thing with the camp. I just can't not go. Yes, i will still have senior farewells, i will still have camps, but what he don't understand that it won't be the same batch of seniors, it won't be the same camp. Moreover, it might be my last chance to lead it as head coordinator with the 3 others.
And he said, 'honestly, i hate you playing table tennis.' And he gave me a really ridiculous reason to go with it too. I've just decided, im giving up step camp. Well, i might never get a second chance, but i can do nothing about it because both camps are equally important. Whichever way i'll still have to make a decision.. I might have chose this to spite him, or i just can't bring myself to shirk the responsibility i have.
I haven't spoken more than 5 sentences ever since i reached home 2 hours ago. I think normally i'd be rattling off to my mother about how my day went, much as she's not interested in listening. Well, though she isn't the one who disallowed me to go for the camps, she had a part by putting in a bad word for me after every sentence my father spoke, basically. Might as well.
Chem paper is gna own me. But hey, it's not like i really care anymore. Tmr's physics and im gna get owned too. Sad but true and mugging is seriously useless. I wish i could just chuck everything out of the window and not care, but somehow i'll find myself picking up my files to read. Slackers can't mug, and when they do, nothing is achieved but a major mental exhaustion.
So i got home at 6pm feeling very worn out and all i wanted to do was drop down and sleep before continuing on my mugging later. But my mother told me to go down and buy dinner for everyone. 'You brother has a headache.' WOW. He has a headache but he's sitting away infront of the computer playing his stupid maple story. You mean headache can't go down buy food but can play games on the comp? So my brother cleverly went to sleep. So i had to go down anyway.
It's always a bad day on an exam day from the start all through till the end. I can't even be left alone for a while to study. Can't everyone like shut up for once. Stop giving me such bullshit already. I still want to study my physics, now don't blame me if i fail it.
Wednesday, May 2
Chinese paper was still alright, hope i can secure an 'A' for this, but why does it seem so impossible to get. Argh, this is really bad.
Had to get through a 20 minutes talk with s.teo after school to explain why i wasn't able to go for step camp in thailand. She ended up talking kind of out of focus and i was sitting there feeling awkward but i can't do anything about it.
She's gna call my father tonight. I'm sort of in a dilemma now, do i go or not? There's a high chance it's gna clash with rvtt camp. I'm seriously stuck. I half wish that s.teo won't be able to convince my father, but i half wish to go too, i don't want to give it up just like this. I knw there's no way im gna give up rvtt camp. Now what do i do...
Chem paper's tmr. Remedial was cancelled anyway. The mugging today wasn't really very productive but i ended up feeling really mentally exhausted. I guess a slacker just can't mug. So, im just gna go take the paper tmr and flunk. I'd be lucky if i manage a B4.
I realise i can only mug effectively with a pair of perfectly working earphones where all the noises around me would be drowned out. And i'll be surounded by nothing but music. I'm gna get them soon, another 28 bucks gone. But i want nothing but music.
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It's been so long since i last talked to him. I think ever since we graduated? Apart from the occasional birthday wishes, we would not talk at all. Though i wasn't really all that close with him back then, i mean we were from different classes to start with, he was still a special friend..
Really was quite surprised when he approached me yesterday on MSN, asking for my advice in his relationship problems. He sounded so hurt, so helpless, like i was the only one left and his last resort for someone to speak to. My heart just ached when he told me he cut himself for the girl. I really, really felt so pained. Very sadly, i wasn't much help to him since i'd never been in a relationship myself. All i could do was just reassure him of my presence and perhaps help him sort things out the logical way.
Sometimes i don't understand. I never thought guys would go so far out for the girl he loves. Yes, there may have been exceptions, but i was never truly convinced until yesterday. Now, i just hope everything would turn out alright for him..
Had to get through a 20 minutes talk with s.teo after school to explain why i wasn't able to go for step camp in thailand. She ended up talking kind of out of focus and i was sitting there feeling awkward but i can't do anything about it.
She's gna call my father tonight. I'm sort of in a dilemma now, do i go or not? There's a high chance it's gna clash with rvtt camp. I'm seriously stuck. I half wish that s.teo won't be able to convince my father, but i half wish to go too, i don't want to give it up just like this. I knw there's no way im gna give up rvtt camp. Now what do i do...
Chem paper's tmr. Remedial was cancelled anyway. The mugging today wasn't really very productive but i ended up feeling really mentally exhausted. I guess a slacker just can't mug. So, im just gna go take the paper tmr and flunk. I'd be lucky if i manage a B4.
I realise i can only mug effectively with a pair of perfectly working earphones where all the noises around me would be drowned out. And i'll be surounded by nothing but music. I'm gna get them soon, another 28 bucks gone. But i want nothing but music.
----
It's been so long since i last talked to him. I think ever since we graduated? Apart from the occasional birthday wishes, we would not talk at all. Though i wasn't really all that close with him back then, i mean we were from different classes to start with, he was still a special friend..
Really was quite surprised when he approached me yesterday on MSN, asking for my advice in his relationship problems. He sounded so hurt, so helpless, like i was the only one left and his last resort for someone to speak to. My heart just ached when he told me he cut himself for the girl. I really, really felt so pained. Very sadly, i wasn't much help to him since i'd never been in a relationship myself. All i could do was just reassure him of my presence and perhaps help him sort things out the logical way.
Sometimes i don't understand. I never thought guys would go so far out for the girl he loves. Yes, there may have been exceptions, but i was never truly convinced until yesterday. Now, i just hope everything would turn out alright for him..
Tuesday, May 1
Went to jp just now to help my mother buy some stuff and stock up on my pens and writing pad. And i found myself standing in a very long queue in popular, wondering why the hell is it so crowded today when i remembered it's labour day. Ohwell.
Wandered around there for awhile. And i saw the watch that i wanted again. But then, i realised it's not a nike watch but a baby-G. Too bad it's still 137 bucks all the same. Taken to favour to study in the senior citizens' corner downstairs, i revised chem for a bit, before i got completely sianned and gave up. Chem's so darn sian and torturous when you get a noob teacher. Now how i miss aloy ong.
Was told we're supposed to stay back tmr for chem remedial after our chinese paper. Come on, what's the point man, what's the frigging point? Zzz, don't knw how to teach still want a remedial is only a waste of both her time and our time. It'll be better spent on my self study. I'm not gna go, i mean it.
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Random email which i received, and people might have deleted it in an instance, i found this section particularly meaningful:
If the world were to end in 24 hours, all the phone lines, chat rooms and e-mails will be saturated from people sending messages to others, saying: "I regret having made you feel bad", "Pardon me", "I love you", "I hold you in high esteem, take good care of yourself" and sometimes "I have always loved you, only I never told you".
It's just the question which i always love to ponder about when im damn free. What would i do if the world would end in 24 hours? Ahh, what a pity to die at such a young age of 15. But there are even younger people who are gna die along with the rest of the world. There are still many things i have not done, many places i haven't had the chance to go. I guess you never knew that since i was very young i have always wanted to go australia. When i first heard its name, i was thinking what a nice name this country has, and i would want to go when i grow up. But well, i haven't had the chance to, and i certainly don't wish to die before i go there. It must be a really nice place..
But back to the point. No doubt everyone would be regretting like hell if the world is gna end in just that very short 24hours. I don't have to mug for chem, since i'll be dead by then =x And i once thought, whether i would choose to die with my family, 2C, 3H, or rvtt?
All is equally important, family is the place where i was born and nurtured, 2C the first class which taught me to love and cherish.
3H the class which always make me burst out laughing like some mad girl and of course make me scream at them sometimes =x
RVTT, the group that's with me for the whole of my rv life. Though it isn't as close to me as the 2 classes, but there are times of joy spent together too. It taught me to be strong, and never give up. So i knw if i chose to die with 3H, they would want to die with their sec 2 classes too. And RVTT would want to die with their own classes. So is everyone in rv gna die together? What a weird thought. Haha.
But if i knw the world was ending in 24 hours, i won't hold anything back. And i'll just say, i wished you'd stayed.
Some random post. Back to mugging.
Wandered around there for awhile. And i saw the watch that i wanted again. But then, i realised it's not a nike watch but a baby-G. Too bad it's still 137 bucks all the same. Taken to favour to study in the senior citizens' corner downstairs, i revised chem for a bit, before i got completely sianned and gave up. Chem's so darn sian and torturous when you get a noob teacher. Now how i miss aloy ong.
Was told we're supposed to stay back tmr for chem remedial after our chinese paper. Come on, what's the point man, what's the frigging point? Zzz, don't knw how to teach still want a remedial is only a waste of both her time and our time. It'll be better spent on my self study. I'm not gna go, i mean it.
----
Random email which i received, and people might have deleted it in an instance, i found this section particularly meaningful:
If the world were to end in 24 hours, all the phone lines, chat rooms and e-mails will be saturated from people sending messages to others, saying: "I regret having made you feel bad", "Pardon me", "I love you", "I hold you in high esteem, take good care of yourself" and sometimes "I have always loved you, only I never told you".
It's just the question which i always love to ponder about when im damn free. What would i do if the world would end in 24 hours? Ahh, what a pity to die at such a young age of 15. But there are even younger people who are gna die along with the rest of the world. There are still many things i have not done, many places i haven't had the chance to go. I guess you never knew that since i was very young i have always wanted to go australia. When i first heard its name, i was thinking what a nice name this country has, and i would want to go when i grow up. But well, i haven't had the chance to, and i certainly don't wish to die before i go there. It must be a really nice place..
But back to the point. No doubt everyone would be regretting like hell if the world is gna end in just that very short 24hours. I don't have to mug for chem, since i'll be dead by then =x And i once thought, whether i would choose to die with my family, 2C, 3H, or rvtt?
All is equally important, family is the place where i was born and nurtured, 2C the first class which taught me to love and cherish.
3H the class which always make me burst out laughing like some mad girl and of course make me scream at them sometimes =x
RVTT, the group that's with me for the whole of my rv life. Though it isn't as close to me as the 2 classes, but there are times of joy spent together too. It taught me to be strong, and never give up. So i knw if i chose to die with 3H, they would want to die with their sec 2 classes too. And RVTT would want to die with their own classes. So is everyone in rv gna die together? What a weird thought. Haha.
But if i knw the world was ending in 24 hours, i won't hold anything back. And i'll just say, i wished you'd stayed.
Some random post. Back to mugging.
I'm supposed to be studying for my chem paper. Yet, i've been infront of this computer since 9 in the morning. Doing nothing but slack. I don't knw how i managed to sleep from 8pm last night to 8am this morning. http://www.truefriendtest.com/friendtest/317048 Inspired by sylvia, you can try it in the midst of mugging. It's damn simple, sure you can score full marks.
I have no mood to study at all.
I have no mood to study at all.
Monday, April 30
Empty.
What am i supposed to feel when i've studied so hard but still going to flunk my history paper all the same? Empty. It's been proven that mugging is of no use. To hell with mugging. I really studied hard for this paper, and what did i get.. But well, i guess it all still comes back to me. Empty. I really don't knw what i should do. Study, fail. Don't study, fail. So i might as well not study. Empty.
Now i don't knw whether i should mug for my chemistry tmr.
曾经拥有的全世界, 一下就化为乌有. 突然我什么都不再想要, 过去的, 现在的, 以后的, 我都不再想要. 你没有错, 我也没有责怪你. 只是我不懂得怎么放开, 不懂怎样才可以把你从我心里擦去. 并没有你说的那样, 我从来不曾放开过. 只是那一时不懂我要的是什么, 又要怎么做. 只是厌倦了现在的关系. 不是真的想伤害你, 真的不是有意. 如果不小心伤了你, 真的真的对不起. 只是希望你会明白, 如果不想再理也没关系, 我已无权再过问你的决定...
只是曾经拥有的那全世界, 偶尔还会回忆...
What am i supposed to feel when i've studied so hard but still going to flunk my history paper all the same? Empty. It's been proven that mugging is of no use. To hell with mugging. I really studied hard for this paper, and what did i get.. But well, i guess it all still comes back to me. Empty. I really don't knw what i should do. Study, fail. Don't study, fail. So i might as well not study. Empty.
Now i don't knw whether i should mug for my chemistry tmr.
曾经拥有的全世界, 一下就化为乌有. 突然我什么都不再想要, 过去的, 现在的, 以后的, 我都不再想要. 你没有错, 我也没有责怪你. 只是我不懂得怎么放开, 不懂怎样才可以把你从我心里擦去. 并没有你说的那样, 我从来不曾放开过. 只是那一时不懂我要的是什么, 又要怎么做. 只是厌倦了现在的关系. 不是真的想伤害你, 真的不是有意. 如果不小心伤了你, 真的真的对不起. 只是希望你会明白, 如果不想再理也没关系, 我已无权再过问你的决定...
只是曾经拥有的那全世界, 偶尔还会回忆...
Sunday, April 29
Frustration.Confusion.Angst.Nostalgia.
Sometimes i really wonder how an average 15 year old human manage to feel so much all at one time. I'm already very close to it now. I'm willing to take a step back now. I'm sure i would get what i want soon, and it would benefit all parties. Now you have to come and do this. Now i don't knw what to think, what to feel. Why is it that everytime im so damn determined that you've got to go and say something to make me remember everything all over again? You've been so hard on from the start, you've been so sure it's the best way. Now don't come and say sorry.
No point thinking about it. I'm ruling my own head. I won't waver anymore.
Sometimes i really wonder how an average 15 year old human manage to feel so much all at one time. I'm already very close to it now. I'm willing to take a step back now. I'm sure i would get what i want soon, and it would benefit all parties. Now you have to come and do this. Now i don't knw what to think, what to feel. Why is it that everytime im so damn determined that you've got to go and say something to make me remember everything all over again? You've been so hard on from the start, you've been so sure it's the best way. Now don't come and say sorry.
No point thinking about it. I'm ruling my own head. I won't waver anymore.
Taking a short break off from my mugging for this post. So i didn't go to je library today like im supposed to because i slept at like 3am last night and i woke up at 9.45am. So i didn't want to waste anymore time on travelling. Currently on my last point that ms chia gave, but decided to add in two more points that could be possible questions. Hopefully i would have caught all the point for the questions tmr.
Hmm okay. It's a short post but well, what'd you expect by mugging all day?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY EILEEN! (:
只是那几句话, 都让我为他心痛. 就只差那么一步, 但我知道现在还不是时候. 希望你会明白.
Hmm okay. It's a short post but well, what'd you expect by mugging all day?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY EILEEN! (:
只是那几句话, 都让我为他心痛. 就只差那么一步, 但我知道现在还不是时候. 希望你会明白.
Saturday, April 28
I've stoned at this page for 20min before the first word. Zzz. Occupied mind..
Went out in the morning to mug history with josephine and yanyi. We managed to grab a table in the surprisingly crowded je library. Managed to cover some of the points after alot of flipping through my notes and humanities journal. Ater lunching at macs we decided to study there for abit and was thrown out by the floor manager. HAHA. Some joke. And we continued in je library where we saw super many 3H guys.
We called ms chia to clear up some confusion about 3 factors and 2 view questions. Then after the call they started talking about different things which confused me again. Zzz.. Then went home before going out SGH to visit my grnadma who's just had an op and looks fine and healthy now. Okay, that's good.
Going to be mugging alot for hist again tmr and hopefully score in monday's test. Jiayou to all for mid years!
& i took an hour to complete this entry. Zzz.
----
Just give me more time.
Went out in the morning to mug history with josephine and yanyi. We managed to grab a table in the surprisingly crowded je library. Managed to cover some of the points after alot of flipping through my notes and humanities journal. Ater lunching at macs we decided to study there for abit and was thrown out by the floor manager. HAHA. Some joke. And we continued in je library where we saw super many 3H guys.
We called ms chia to clear up some confusion about 3 factors and 2 view questions. Then after the call they started talking about different things which confused me again. Zzz.. Then went home before going out SGH to visit my grnadma who's just had an op and looks fine and healthy now. Okay, that's good.
Going to be mugging alot for hist again tmr and hopefully score in monday's test. Jiayou to all for mid years!
& i took an hour to complete this entry. Zzz.
----
Just give me more time.
Friday, April 27
Ahh okay, i have another girlfriend! (Apart from jean and yijun =x) Okay, think from the tagboard you all can infer who is my new girlfriend le, so i shall not elaborate anymore right? SYLVIATANHJ! Haha. For more funny elaborations, please go to sylvia's blog. LOL.
Okay.. So actually, today was a bad day. Really bad. Because:
Let's start off with my first point. Me getting sent out during chem lesson. I actually stayed up last night completing one of the two assignments which my dear chem teacher told us to finish by today. And seeing the time i finished the assignment was 12.30am, i decided to turn in before i can't wake up this morning. So, i had to stand up during chem today when she was checking the assignment, explain to her why i did not complete, and she got me out of the class to finish the assignment along with my 14 classmates.
Like wth? It's not like i did not do anything at all okay. I did the whole of the other assignment all by myself. I just chose to do the wrong assignment. Who would knw? She said both was due today. And what pissed me off the most was not us being sent out. Our dear chem teacher actually asked "What is the purpose of this assignment? I don't want you to just come here and copy answers." YEAH RIGHT. It's precisely because i did not copy the goddamn answers that i have to be sent out la right. I had lots of time during english lesson la. Fine, then i went out, stared at my notes, then borrowed the assignment from the next class and copied those answers. That's what she wants isn't it?
It's just because we did not copy answers that's why we have to be sent out, and it doesn't mean anyone who remained in the class had truly done their work. Bloody pissifying. I'm not going to do her homework anymore, what is the use, i still get sent out anyway. Send me out for all i care, im better off outside than listening to her bloody monotonous and expressionless voice. There's totally no difference at the outside from the inside, just that im rid of your voice on the outside. I'm not getting my B3 and it's all because of you, stupid noob. This is bullshit.
Then after that was math. Double wave of depression, i failed my math test with flying colours. It's the score which i knew i would get from the end of the test. And that one small paragraph of what mr liu wrote there made me want to tear because i was feeling so damn screwed up. At 12.45pm, me and melvin went to meet some _ who wantewd to see us at that time, when we're having lessons. Talk about punctuality, he's not there at all la. He's got no right to lecture us about punctuality right. And we went to check back after 30min and he's still not there. Crap. What a bloody joke.
Physics remedial was short. But it can kill. I was basically copying the answers like a typing machine or something and not understanding a single thing that gohsm is saying. Zzz. This is very bad. At the end of the remedial, i recall jumping around as the long day was finally over. After doing my SS essay, went out and had late lunch with sylvia and we talked about alot of stuff..
Last day of school before mid years stats next monday. This week seem to fly past damn quickly. Monday would be english and history paper. Going to have to mug like crazy. Mid years in sec 3 feels like PSLE. All teachers chionging to go through papers. They nv thought whether we could absorb all that information.
On a lighter note though, Step camp is back! Was just talking with my mother the other day. Now here it is. But im not sure whether i'd be able to go for it.. Ahh..
& Congrats to CLDDS with Gold and ELDDS with Bronze!
Okay.. So actually, today was a bad day. Really bad. Because:
- I got sent out of class during chem.
- I flunked my math test.
- Some _ did not turn up for a supposed meeting.
- Had physics remedial.
- It's the last school day before mid-years start.
Let's start off with my first point. Me getting sent out during chem lesson. I actually stayed up last night completing one of the two assignments which my dear chem teacher told us to finish by today. And seeing the time i finished the assignment was 12.30am, i decided to turn in before i can't wake up this morning. So, i had to stand up during chem today when she was checking the assignment, explain to her why i did not complete, and she got me out of the class to finish the assignment along with my 14 classmates.
Like wth? It's not like i did not do anything at all okay. I did the whole of the other assignment all by myself. I just chose to do the wrong assignment. Who would knw? She said both was due today. And what pissed me off the most was not us being sent out. Our dear chem teacher actually asked "What is the purpose of this assignment? I don't want you to just come here and copy answers." YEAH RIGHT. It's precisely because i did not copy the goddamn answers that i have to be sent out la right. I had lots of time during english lesson la. Fine, then i went out, stared at my notes, then borrowed the assignment from the next class and copied those answers. That's what she wants isn't it?
It's just because we did not copy answers that's why we have to be sent out, and it doesn't mean anyone who remained in the class had truly done their work. Bloody pissifying. I'm not going to do her homework anymore, what is the use, i still get sent out anyway. Send me out for all i care, im better off outside than listening to her bloody monotonous and expressionless voice. There's totally no difference at the outside from the inside, just that im rid of your voice on the outside. I'm not getting my B3 and it's all because of you, stupid noob. This is bullshit.
Then after that was math. Double wave of depression, i failed my math test with flying colours. It's the score which i knew i would get from the end of the test. And that one small paragraph of what mr liu wrote there made me want to tear because i was feeling so damn screwed up. At 12.45pm, me and melvin went to meet some _ who wantewd to see us at that time, when we're having lessons. Talk about punctuality, he's not there at all la. He's got no right to lecture us about punctuality right. And we went to check back after 30min and he's still not there. Crap. What a bloody joke.
Physics remedial was short. But it can kill. I was basically copying the answers like a typing machine or something and not understanding a single thing that gohsm is saying. Zzz. This is very bad. At the end of the remedial, i recall jumping around as the long day was finally over. After doing my SS essay, went out and had late lunch with sylvia and we talked about alot of stuff..
Last day of school before mid years stats next monday. This week seem to fly past damn quickly. Monday would be english and history paper. Going to have to mug like crazy. Mid years in sec 3 feels like PSLE. All teachers chionging to go through papers. They nv thought whether we could absorb all that information.
On a lighter note though, Step camp is back! Was just talking with my mother the other day. Now here it is. But im not sure whether i'd be able to go for it.. Ahh..
& Congrats to CLDDS with Gold and ELDDS with Bronze!
Thursday, April 26
I got nothing to blog about today.. This week seemed to fly past really quickly. It's cliche but true. Tmr would be friday already and after the weekends, our mid year papers are starting..
I'm seriously very stressed out at the thought of exams coming just a weekend away. It seems really so close, and i knw it is. Though im completing my homework everyday now, that's still hardly enough for me to catch up. I think i've lagged behind alot alot. Our teachers are all rushing through the corrections for assignments now and every lesson we're like just frantically copying the answers. Especially during physics and chem. It just makes me very worried..
Speaking about chem.. Haix. I don't knw what to say. It really doesn't seem to me that i can even maintain my already not so good grade of B3. I have no confidence in her teaching at all. I doubt self revision can help me much too, because i can't seem to complete an assignment without so much as referring to the notes which will not be allowed during exams. Argh. This sucks so bad.
I had wanted to take this and prove to everyone who think i can't make it that i can. I'm not really as incompetent as they think. But it turns out that im wrong, i am that incompetent after all. How to stay positive, im losing all my confidence in everything. Maybe i'd be able to scrape a pass if i mugged hard enough. I don;t want to disappoint anyone who had hopes in me. If there was anyone. Most of all, i'd hate to disappoint myself anymore.
So im going to finish my chem assignments tonight. Oh and read about the SS essay tmr. Much as it seems impossible. Haix. Wow, i thought i had nothing to blog about.
----
& Congrats to Dance (Modern) for the Gold with Honours!
I'm seriously very stressed out at the thought of exams coming just a weekend away. It seems really so close, and i knw it is. Though im completing my homework everyday now, that's still hardly enough for me to catch up. I think i've lagged behind alot alot. Our teachers are all rushing through the corrections for assignments now and every lesson we're like just frantically copying the answers. Especially during physics and chem. It just makes me very worried..
Speaking about chem.. Haix. I don't knw what to say. It really doesn't seem to me that i can even maintain my already not so good grade of B3. I have no confidence in her teaching at all. I doubt self revision can help me much too, because i can't seem to complete an assignment without so much as referring to the notes which will not be allowed during exams. Argh. This sucks so bad.
I had wanted to take this and prove to everyone who think i can't make it that i can. I'm not really as incompetent as they think. But it turns out that im wrong, i am that incompetent after all. How to stay positive, im losing all my confidence in everything. Maybe i'd be able to scrape a pass if i mugged hard enough. I don;t want to disappoint anyone who had hopes in me. If there was anyone. Most of all, i'd hate to disappoint myself anymore.
So im going to finish my chem assignments tonight. Oh and read about the SS essay tmr. Much as it seems impossible. Haix. Wow, i thought i had nothing to blog about.
----
& Congrats to Dance (Modern) for the Gold with Honours!
Wednesday, April 25
Goddamnit. Today sucked. And thinking of it just makes me want to sprout one long string of expletives here. Which i just did anyway. I'm sorry for any which might appear in this post, im just not exactly stable in the mind right now.
Wednesdays are supposed to be slack days, which would mean light workload resulting in little or no stress of the mental state of mind. Which happened to be the direct opposite today.
Chinese and physics lessons had been okay, and my good mood lasted, till math. I'm not saying that it pissed me off today, but the test did. I could only confidently answer one question out of the four. I'm going to fail this test pretty damn badly. I think mr liu would have given up on me, seeing as how hopeless my math just is, and i don't blame him. I'd probably given myself up long before.
Break totally ruled man. To think 3H was released 5 minutes earlier for break but me and sylvia ended up queueing for a good 30 minutes before we got our food. And why? What took so long for us to just get a plate of food? Oh, maybe the whole bunch of people who conveniently cut into the queue made it longer. Maybe that girl who walked in right infront of me made me a little more pissed off. Maybe that mindless remark from an SC completely pissed me off. If you pity the people behind you who might not have enough time to eat, then why the hell did you even cut in the damn queue in the first place? (And sherry, im not talking about you here.)
Sometimes you're desperate to get your food, you cut a queue, thinking it's of no big deal, since you're just one person. Someone who saw that decided to follow suit, bringing this whole bunch of 10+ people nto the queue. That makes hell lot of a difference okay. Have you ever thought about the people still queueing up behind you? Are they not desperate for their food too? If you were the ones whose queue was being cut, would you be able to just shrug it off, after standing about 25 minutes in the stationary queue? Hell, i think NOT right.
Is it so difficult to tell the person asking for your help, a simple no? Is it so hard to just point out to the person the long queue behind you? And that they deserve to get their food first since they were here before? What's the problem with that?
Went for the EU talk. Honestly, i don't knw what to say about it. I almost feels like im back in my THIMUN days, attending the IMF talk and intelligent conferences. The place where i don't fit in. Ah well. Nothing much to say about it.
----
I don't understand why. It's really ridiculous to me. It's not like we don't knw each other well enough, not like anything would happen there. We're all classmates. Everyone needs their own space. Stop letting him restrict you anymore, it's really not worth it. Him not being able to go for some things doesn't mean you can't go for it too. Do what you want now before you regret at the end of your RV life. I mean it.
Wednesdays are supposed to be slack days, which would mean light workload resulting in little or no stress of the mental state of mind. Which happened to be the direct opposite today.
Chinese and physics lessons had been okay, and my good mood lasted, till math. I'm not saying that it pissed me off today, but the test did. I could only confidently answer one question out of the four. I'm going to fail this test pretty damn badly. I think mr liu would have given up on me, seeing as how hopeless my math just is, and i don't blame him. I'd probably given myself up long before.
Break totally ruled man. To think 3H was released 5 minutes earlier for break but me and sylvia ended up queueing for a good 30 minutes before we got our food. And why? What took so long for us to just get a plate of food? Oh, maybe the whole bunch of people who conveniently cut into the queue made it longer. Maybe that girl who walked in right infront of me made me a little more pissed off. Maybe that mindless remark from an SC completely pissed me off. If you pity the people behind you who might not have enough time to eat, then why the hell did you even cut in the damn queue in the first place? (And sherry, im not talking about you here.)
Sometimes you're desperate to get your food, you cut a queue, thinking it's of no big deal, since you're just one person. Someone who saw that decided to follow suit, bringing this whole bunch of 10+ people nto the queue. That makes hell lot of a difference okay. Have you ever thought about the people still queueing up behind you? Are they not desperate for their food too? If you were the ones whose queue was being cut, would you be able to just shrug it off, after standing about 25 minutes in the stationary queue? Hell, i think NOT right.
Is it so difficult to tell the person asking for your help, a simple no? Is it so hard to just point out to the person the long queue behind you? And that they deserve to get their food first since they were here before? What's the problem with that?
Went for the EU talk. Honestly, i don't knw what to say about it. I almost feels like im back in my THIMUN days, attending the IMF talk and intelligent conferences. The place where i don't fit in. Ah well. Nothing much to say about it.
----
I don't understand why. It's really ridiculous to me. It's not like we don't knw each other well enough, not like anything would happen there. We're all classmates. Everyone needs their own space. Stop letting him restrict you anymore, it's really not worth it. Him not being able to go for some things doesn't mean you can't go for it too. Do what you want now before you regret at the end of your RV life. I mean it.
Tuesday, April 24
Chalet confirmed! Yaye, there's going to be a chalet on 26th may to celebrate my birthday! Ahh, this is going to rock! :D
Ohwell. So lessons today were the same. Life is getting so meaningless. Math pisses me off now, big time. I don't even knw what's the problem but everytime mr liu wants us to do math questions i'd be there grumbling like mad and pissing myself off. Argh. How am i even dreaming of passing my math luh.
I'm losing more and more confidence in my chem. With such a noob teacher. Like crap, she seriously doesn't even knw what she's teaching la. Zzz. If we all fail exams, it is not because we did not put in effort. It's because she doesn't knw how to teach. Don't blame us, because we have a noob teacher.
After school sat for the international science competition paper. As usual, just anyhow did it. And questions at the end were really anyhow pick answers de. Was still calculating the time to take for each question so i would end on the dot. I don't want to end ealier and waste my life away sitting there staring at the air. LOL.
I'm damn worried for mid years. I knw im going to flunk my sciences and math damn badly. But i don't knw what i can do now. It seems too late. Zzz i don't want to flunk again...
Ohwell. So lessons today were the same. Life is getting so meaningless. Math pisses me off now, big time. I don't even knw what's the problem but everytime mr liu wants us to do math questions i'd be there grumbling like mad and pissing myself off. Argh. How am i even dreaming of passing my math luh.
I'm losing more and more confidence in my chem. With such a noob teacher. Like crap, she seriously doesn't even knw what she's teaching la. Zzz. If we all fail exams, it is not because we did not put in effort. It's because she doesn't knw how to teach. Don't blame us, because we have a noob teacher.
After school sat for the international science competition paper. As usual, just anyhow did it. And questions at the end were really anyhow pick answers de. Was still calculating the time to take for each question so i would end on the dot. I don't want to end ealier and waste my life away sitting there staring at the air. LOL.
I'm damn worried for mid years. I knw im going to flunk my sciences and math damn badly. But i don't knw what i can do now. It seems too late. Zzz i don't want to flunk again...
Monday, April 23
Bad day. Why so?
Firstly in the morning, i woke up at a glorious 6.15am. Did i ever mention that i would get pissed off if i wake up late or reached school late? But in any case, i would. Which contributed to the fact that i was already pissed to start with. Though i kept asking myself throughout the day what am i so unhappy at, why? Didn't arrive at any solid conclusion, though there are several suspecting factors. I just felt really realy rotten.
Lessons, as usual were random. I'm quite sure i'd be failing chem. Considering my dear chem teacher is not evem sure what the hell she's teaching. Claiming that she'd go and find a less difficult way of explaining it to us so we would understand. All i asked her was 'So the elements after period 3 can hold up to a maximum of 18 valence electrons right?' Which the answer is obviously yes. And she was stumped and said 'i'll go back and check.' Like LOL, forget it la right, let me teach la. Zzz.
Stayed back after school to finish my physics assignment 4. Zzz. How am i going to go and see ms chia or mr tan for history and ss revision. There isn't even any time left after school. There's some stupid science competition tmr, EU talk on wednesday (this came at the wrong time) and math remedial on thursday la. Damn it. I'm pissed.
----
I thought i still had it.. I don't want it to slip away just when im about so close. I'm so close. I really have got nothing to lose anymore. This must stay with me... No matter what.
Firstly in the morning, i woke up at a glorious 6.15am. Did i ever mention that i would get pissed off if i wake up late or reached school late? But in any case, i would. Which contributed to the fact that i was already pissed to start with. Though i kept asking myself throughout the day what am i so unhappy at, why? Didn't arrive at any solid conclusion, though there are several suspecting factors. I just felt really realy rotten.
Lessons, as usual were random. I'm quite sure i'd be failing chem. Considering my dear chem teacher is not evem sure what the hell she's teaching. Claiming that she'd go and find a less difficult way of explaining it to us so we would understand. All i asked her was 'So the elements after period 3 can hold up to a maximum of 18 valence electrons right?' Which the answer is obviously yes. And she was stumped and said 'i'll go back and check.' Like LOL, forget it la right, let me teach la. Zzz.
Stayed back after school to finish my physics assignment 4. Zzz. How am i going to go and see ms chia or mr tan for history and ss revision. There isn't even any time left after school. There's some stupid science competition tmr, EU talk on wednesday (this came at the wrong time) and math remedial on thursday la. Damn it. I'm pissed.
----
I thought i still had it.. I don't want it to slip away just when im about so close. I'm so close. I really have got nothing to lose anymore. This must stay with me... No matter what.
Sunday, April 22
My father doesn't trust me.
He thinks i can't do good with my life. He doesn't think im speaking the truth when i said i stayed back after school to complete my homework. He doesn't think i can do it without my 'precious' math tuition. He's bent on thinking i don't deserve to be in RV. He wants to pick me up after school everyday to make sure im in school doing homework and not somewhere else playing.
He doesn't even knw that i really really hate him talking to me that way. He places himself so much higher and tries to intimidate me. He accuses me of things i did not do. He is not confident that i would make it for my mid years at all. He thinks im a piece of uselss garbage and will never, ever, make it to university. He thinks everything about me just SUCKS, from my academics down to my attitude.
SHE thinks history is useless. He thinks chinese is uselss. SHE thinks everything i do well in is useless. He think's I'm uselss.
Don't blame me for forever thinking im not gna make the mark. Because people around me don't think im gna make it either.
Is this what you call a paradigm shift?
He thinks i can't do good with my life. He doesn't think im speaking the truth when i said i stayed back after school to complete my homework. He doesn't think i can do it without my 'precious' math tuition. He's bent on thinking i don't deserve to be in RV. He wants to pick me up after school everyday to make sure im in school doing homework and not somewhere else playing.
He doesn't even knw that i really really hate him talking to me that way. He places himself so much higher and tries to intimidate me. He accuses me of things i did not do. He is not confident that i would make it for my mid years at all. He thinks im a piece of uselss garbage and will never, ever, make it to university. He thinks everything about me just SUCKS, from my academics down to my attitude.
SHE thinks history is useless. He thinks chinese is uselss. SHE thinks everything i do well in is useless. He think's I'm uselss.
Don't blame me for forever thinking im not gna make the mark. Because people around me don't think im gna make it either.
Is this what you call a paradigm shift?
This weekend's been squandered away with fun and not much work done. I feel guilty =x. Zzz.
Went out early today to do the Earth Day sculpture. Didn't really do much. Just tore the magazines out page by page and crushed them into paper balls. And supposed to stick them together to form something, but it's too time consuming so we gave up halfway and sylvia brought it home to do. At first only me, sylvia and jieren there. Then we saw yuhong, vincent and sweecheng too.
Left for marina with sylvia and yanyi for kbox! :D Met candy there too. Today kbox 23 bucks, damn ex lorh. Xin tong T.T But then nvm, since is for sylvia's birthday. I solo-ed 10 songs today la. Though i must say i really enjoyed myself. And sylvia recorded my singing la. Omg. Anyone who listens is going to die a terrible death! LOL. Sang for a full 4 hour plus today, damn fun. And candy's singing really OWNS. She say the both of us can go join arts fest this year. Haha.
Candy, Yanyi, Sylvia, Me. And i look weird. LOL.
Sylvia and Sinyee! Sisters (:
Before that mr liu called me and asked for my parents number. Zzz, made me damn worried for the whole day thinking what i did wrong. But i handed up all his hw! Then candy still help me to sms him, though there is no reply. Then when i reached home, my parents said he didnt call though my mother guessed it's because i didn't go math remedial last thursday. Apparently he doesnt believe i was sck on that day luh. Zzz.
Tmr is a monday again. Ahh sian.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SYLVIA! <3 sista (:
Went out early today to do the Earth Day sculpture. Didn't really do much. Just tore the magazines out page by page and crushed them into paper balls. And supposed to stick them together to form something, but it's too time consuming so we gave up halfway and sylvia brought it home to do. At first only me, sylvia and jieren there. Then we saw yuhong, vincent and sweecheng too.
Left for marina with sylvia and yanyi for kbox! :D Met candy there too. Today kbox 23 bucks, damn ex lorh. Xin tong T.T But then nvm, since is for sylvia's birthday. I solo-ed 10 songs today la. Though i must say i really enjoyed myself. And sylvia recorded my singing la. Omg. Anyone who listens is going to die a terrible death! LOL. Sang for a full 4 hour plus today, damn fun. And candy's singing really OWNS. She say the both of us can go join arts fest this year. Haha.
Candy, Yanyi, Sylvia, Me. And i look weird. LOL.
Sylvia and Sinyee! Sisters (:Before that mr liu called me and asked for my parents number. Zzz, made me damn worried for the whole day thinking what i did wrong. But i handed up all his hw! Then candy still help me to sms him, though there is no reply. Then when i reached home, my parents said he didnt call though my mother guessed it's because i didn't go math remedial last thursday. Apparently he doesnt believe i was sck on that day luh. Zzz.
Tmr is a monday again. Ahh sian.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SYLVIA! <3 sista (:
Saturday, April 21
Replies to tags:
Junice> Zzz, i don't like my surname =x
Sylvia> Haha hello, welcome back sista! Yeah you must tag more often for me (: I knw the picture's nice, i told you so. Haha. Yeah can't update because my comp was kind of screwed yesterday, but im back!
Ying> Eh nope. I don't really watch tv or youtube. Heh.
Josephine> Haha, josephine arh.. The pot calling the kettle black. I agree with sylvia, you gotta cheer up too! Anyway, im fine. I knw what to do (:
----
Specially dedicated to TAN HUIJIE SYLVIA! A classmate, a friend, a sister (:
Ohmygod girl, you really have no idea how honoured i felt when i read those words on your blog! I was like :O Hahaha. I thought i was just another, yknw, random friend. Since we only knew each other better in this year as classmates and you would have had much closer friends in the 2 years spent in 2F.
Anyhow, im really glad that you feel comfortable enough with me to confide in me yeah. For someone i only knew better of for 4 months, you have extremely high tolerance for my nonsense everyday. And of course helping me with some work. (Since im a slacker and you're a mugger luh =x) I feel super honoured alright! & tmr's the day, let's go enjoy ourselves girl!
Never felt important enough. Until now (:
----
Like i said, my comp was screwed last night. My father attempted to replace my old CPU with this new and completely sleek one. But the anti-virus programme is giving him some trouble. But it's alright today and i have a new and super stylo CPU!
Alright, yesterday was a tiring day. I can't stand lessons after break on thursdays and fridays. They just seemed to drag on and on. Especially the last lesson of the last day of the week, physics. =/ Gohsm still released late, but i basically tuned out. LOL. Anyway she's crazy to give us assignments 4, 5 and 6. To hand in on monday, tuesday and wednesday. Zzz. Think we godlike or something -.-
Discussed some class matters with jonathan after school and some others. To say the least, i felt unworth for 3H. No, that must be the understatement of the year. I feel damn useless, like im nothing at all. I don't knw what i can do to improve this situation in the least bit. Alhough they tell me it's not my fault, i don't want to see the same old things going on and on again. It's disheartening. I'm not exactly the model student, yes i knw that, but at least im trying. I'm putting more effort into this than anyone would knw.
Went to west mall with kristie, lihui, sinyee, chiouyih, sharman and qinhui for a late lunch. Laughed like some crazy people in KFC. And they think im too stressed up till i snapped and went mad. Ohwell. Took 157 from there back to boonlay, then when we reached NYGH, we realised we took the wrong direction! Is that stupid or is that stupid. DANG. What could have took us 20min to reach home, we took 1.5 hours. Zzz, i feel stupid. I can't believe my earphones went bust again.
----
Went to the Japanese War Cemetry and Kranji War Memorial today. Early in the morning 8am. It was interesting. Big contrast between the latter and the former. The Kranji War Memorial was beautiful. Maybe might go back again. LOL. Can't post the nice pictures because i can't find my handphone PC suite disc to install and upload. Just felt the trip today was meaningful and worthwhile.
Went je to eat lunch with sinyee and lihui. We talked about alot of things, mainly about our parents and primary school. And we went to the library to slack. Though they went back after awhile to attend a parade. I did a bit of physics assignment 4 but im stuck though =x So i came home. I hate listening out of only one of my earphones. Feels damn weird.
Tmr going to je library in the morning with kbox people to do the stupid sculpture for Earth Day. Damn lame. Then going to kbox in the afternoon. Sylvia the birthday girl =D, Sharmie, Yanyi and Candy! Xinyu not sure going or not. Hope she's going, rest well girl (: We definitely going to have a good time because Candy's singing OWNS! Haha. So, going to do some homework. If not cannot finish by tmr =x.
----
Did some reflections for over the past few months since the new school year started. What have i been doing as a student, what, as a leader. Did i do what was expected of me well enough? No. Not handing up hw on time for one too many times. Didnt manage to keep the class out of trouble.
I really wish i could do somehing to change this. Anything at all. It really bothers me, and i want to change something. But i can't do this alone. I'll need everyone else's cooperation. Not that 'heck care' attitude. I want us to improve together. If we can have such strong class spirit, we should shine academically as well. There are bad influences, no doubt. Perhaps im even one of them. I hate to feel like i can't do anything, completely hopeless and useless.
I've failed as a leader. I'm not a good leader.
I just really wish everyone would give more than a heck to this and make us all a better class. I knw we can all do it. Everyone in our class has potential. But it's up to yourselves to unleash what's within you. Everyone matters. I really hope things would take a better turn. I think that's reasonable to ask for.
Junice> Zzz, i don't like my surname =x
Sylvia> Haha hello, welcome back sista! Yeah you must tag more often for me (: I knw the picture's nice, i told you so. Haha. Yeah can't update because my comp was kind of screwed yesterday, but im back!
Ying> Eh nope. I don't really watch tv or youtube. Heh.
Josephine> Haha, josephine arh.. The pot calling the kettle black. I agree with sylvia, you gotta cheer up too! Anyway, im fine. I knw what to do (:
----
Specially dedicated to TAN HUIJIE SYLVIA! A classmate, a friend, a sister (:
Ohmygod girl, you really have no idea how honoured i felt when i read those words on your blog! I was like :O Hahaha. I thought i was just another, yknw, random friend. Since we only knew each other better in this year as classmates and you would have had much closer friends in the 2 years spent in 2F.
Anyhow, im really glad that you feel comfortable enough with me to confide in me yeah. For someone i only knew better of for 4 months, you have extremely high tolerance for my nonsense everyday. And of course helping me with some work. (Since im a slacker and you're a mugger luh =x) I feel super honoured alright! & tmr's the day, let's go enjoy ourselves girl!
Never felt important enough. Until now (:
----
Like i said, my comp was screwed last night. My father attempted to replace my old CPU with this new and completely sleek one. But the anti-virus programme is giving him some trouble. But it's alright today and i have a new and super stylo CPU!
Alright, yesterday was a tiring day. I can't stand lessons after break on thursdays and fridays. They just seemed to drag on and on. Especially the last lesson of the last day of the week, physics. =/ Gohsm still released late, but i basically tuned out. LOL. Anyway she's crazy to give us assignments 4, 5 and 6. To hand in on monday, tuesday and wednesday. Zzz. Think we godlike or something -.-
Discussed some class matters with jonathan after school and some others. To say the least, i felt unworth for 3H. No, that must be the understatement of the year. I feel damn useless, like im nothing at all. I don't knw what i can do to improve this situation in the least bit. Alhough they tell me it's not my fault, i don't want to see the same old things going on and on again. It's disheartening. I'm not exactly the model student, yes i knw that, but at least im trying. I'm putting more effort into this than anyone would knw.
Went to west mall with kristie, lihui, sinyee, chiouyih, sharman and qinhui for a late lunch. Laughed like some crazy people in KFC. And they think im too stressed up till i snapped and went mad. Ohwell. Took 157 from there back to boonlay, then when we reached NYGH, we realised we took the wrong direction! Is that stupid or is that stupid. DANG. What could have took us 20min to reach home, we took 1.5 hours. Zzz, i feel stupid. I can't believe my earphones went bust again.
----
Went to the Japanese War Cemetry and Kranji War Memorial today. Early in the morning 8am. It was interesting. Big contrast between the latter and the former. The Kranji War Memorial was beautiful. Maybe might go back again. LOL. Can't post the nice pictures because i can't find my handphone PC suite disc to install and upload. Just felt the trip today was meaningful and worthwhile.
Went je to eat lunch with sinyee and lihui. We talked about alot of things, mainly about our parents and primary school. And we went to the library to slack. Though they went back after awhile to attend a parade. I did a bit of physics assignment 4 but im stuck though =x So i came home. I hate listening out of only one of my earphones. Feels damn weird.
Tmr going to je library in the morning with kbox people to do the stupid sculpture for Earth Day. Damn lame. Then going to kbox in the afternoon. Sylvia the birthday girl =D, Sharmie, Yanyi and Candy! Xinyu not sure going or not. Hope she's going, rest well girl (: We definitely going to have a good time because Candy's singing OWNS! Haha. So, going to do some homework. If not cannot finish by tmr =x.
----
Did some reflections for over the past few months since the new school year started. What have i been doing as a student, what, as a leader. Did i do what was expected of me well enough? No. Not handing up hw on time for one too many times. Didnt manage to keep the class out of trouble.
I really wish i could do somehing to change this. Anything at all. It really bothers me, and i want to change something. But i can't do this alone. I'll need everyone else's cooperation. Not that 'heck care' attitude. I want us to improve together. If we can have such strong class spirit, we should shine academically as well. There are bad influences, no doubt. Perhaps im even one of them. I hate to feel like i can't do anything, completely hopeless and useless.
I've failed as a leader. I'm not a good leader.
I just really wish everyone would give more than a heck to this and make us all a better class. I knw we can all do it. Everyone in our class has potential. But it's up to yourselves to unleash what's within you. Everyone matters. I really hope things would take a better turn. I think that's reasonable to ask for.
Thursday, April 19
Feeling extremely drained of energy today, due to no apparent reason. Woke up at 6am and almost freaked out. Reached school at around 7.25am, completely zonked and feeling like im in a trance. For the whole day, it's like my brain malfunctioned or something. I couldn't even do an extremely simple math expansion question, careless mistakes all around. Couldn't concentrate for the whole day and the headache feels like drums in my head. Pure torture.
-Zoned out-
Didn't go for math remedial after school because of those throbbing drums. LOL. Went back home totally alone and all. Took 51 and didn't wake up when it reached the terminal. And of course someone else had to wake me up. Embarrassing.
-Trapped there-
Due to the fact that i missed my stop at the library, i had to walk the opposite direction to get to the library to return my overdue book. And walk the length back to 99 bus stop. Couldn't sleep on it due to like 6 or 7 kids from this XXX school. Freakin' noisy la. Considering i had my vacuum earphones on la. After glaring at this boy talking at the top of his voice about some retarded Celtic Guardian or Relinguish. Yu-gi-oh cards crap. Random primary school kids talk. Then whatever, just had to turn up the volume of my music. Ah, can't stand this.
-To replace-
Walked home at snail speed and i reached home at like 5pm. Bet my mother was freakin shocked when she saw i was the first to return. Ohwell. Kind of lots of homework to finish by tmr. Kind of sianned of it though tmr is already the end of the school week but tmr is like the most sian day in the week. Zzz...
-To forget-
----
It kinda hurt to knw that it didn't mean to be for me anymore. No, i knw it isn't directed at me anymore. And yes, that kind of hurt. Alot. I guess im wrong again. And i don't want to guess who those are meant for, i don't have business with it anymore. I'm supposed to. Forget. And i shall.
It might be better the other way out. Rather than meeting with the dead end and staying at the dead end. Maybe i should take a step back and realise there's the other way out. That way's always there and being neglected.
Stop thinking about what's never gna work out.
-Zoned out-
Didn't go for math remedial after school because of those throbbing drums. LOL. Went back home totally alone and all. Took 51 and didn't wake up when it reached the terminal. And of course someone else had to wake me up. Embarrassing.
-Trapped there-
Due to the fact that i missed my stop at the library, i had to walk the opposite direction to get to the library to return my overdue book. And walk the length back to 99 bus stop. Couldn't sleep on it due to like 6 or 7 kids from this XXX school. Freakin' noisy la. Considering i had my vacuum earphones on la. After glaring at this boy talking at the top of his voice about some retarded Celtic Guardian or Relinguish. Yu-gi-oh cards crap. Random primary school kids talk. Then whatever, just had to turn up the volume of my music. Ah, can't stand this.
-To replace-
Walked home at snail speed and i reached home at like 5pm. Bet my mother was freakin shocked when she saw i was the first to return. Ohwell. Kind of lots of homework to finish by tmr. Kind of sianned of it though tmr is already the end of the school week but tmr is like the most sian day in the week. Zzz...
-To forget-
----
It kinda hurt to knw that it didn't mean to be for me anymore. No, i knw it isn't directed at me anymore. And yes, that kind of hurt. Alot. I guess im wrong again. And i don't want to guess who those are meant for, i don't have business with it anymore. I'm supposed to. Forget. And i shall.
It might be better the other way out. Rather than meeting with the dead end and staying at the dead end. Maybe i should take a step back and realise there's the other way out. That way's always there and being neglected.
Stop thinking about what's never gna work out.
Wednesday, April 18
Hmm lessons were kinda boring today. Physics was fun, gohsm was damn high today for unknown reasons. I realised her actions today were damn cute, smiling at herself because of that funny video she showed us. I was laughing at her instead of the video. Haha, i like her this way. LOL.
PDP lesson was...interesting? Had a mini inter-class debate with 3J. It was a chinese debate, no less. And i was appointed as the first speaker. Like omg. We only had 10min to prepare what we were going to say and i wrote like 3 lines? The rest all impromptu la. The debate itself was good i guess, both parties had rather strong points. Though i think 3J is stronger in putting across points as emphasis. Overall, i still think it was a good experience. In the end, 3J was the winner. And i was best speaker.
Then was late for assembly because the debates delayed things. And assembly was about... LOL. Some rather sensitive stuff huh. But it was nonetheless still educational (haha) and stuff larh.
Short post, nothing much happened today. Shall finish my history SBQ and go sleep!
Congrats to Dance (Chinese) for the Gold with Honours!
----
Omg, i didn't knw that so many people knew about it. I didn't knw that everyone was talking about it. I didn't knw anything at all. Bad thing about being at the container classrooms, last to knw everything. And i guess i still won't knw unless he asked me and i asked others.
I don't want others to talk about it because it is not their problem. I don't want those people to sympathise me or whatever because the fact is that it is not mine. And it never would be. I knw the reason for this reaction and it is not because im better. What should rightfully be mine is not, so drop it already. Sometimes things are never fair. But i had already accepted this, so why is everyone still talking about it? It doesn't really matter anymore, just stop rubbing it in my face.
In case anyone doesn't knw, im not okay about it. Not the least bit.
Tuesday, April 17
Had english reading comprehension test first up in the morning. At least it wasn't too bad, as in i could still answer the written response. PE was retarded, triple jump practices. What could be worse? Next week doing in the sand, PE never fails to dirty my shoes. Zzz. Had chem prac test today too, wasn't too bad. Got faulted for a stupid mistake but other than that, all was fine. Today passed quickly. Thank goodness.
After school, went to vivo with kristie for the free ben&jerry's icecream. We reached there quite early so there wasn't really a long queue and it moved along pretty fast. And so, we got our icecream in less than 2min!
Haha, be jealous! Chocolate fudge brownie + Chocolate chip cookie dough. LOLL. Went to eat long john after finishing the icecream, then felt damn stuffed. Haha so walked around vivo for fun. We decided we want to b damn rich and splurge on all the stuff we like. Haha. Likt that's going to happen. And we saw alot of rvians. Probably all there for the free icecream. LOL. (I'm looking forward to the treat on my birthday hor ;D)
Haha, be jealous! Chocolate fudge brownie + Chocolate chip cookie dough. LOLL. Went to eat long john after finishing the icecream, then felt damn stuffed. Haha so walked around vivo for fun. We decided we want to b damn rich and splurge on all the stuff we like. Haha. Likt that's going to happen. And we saw alot of rvians. Probably all there for the free icecream. LOL. (I'm looking forward to the treat on my birthday hor ;D)Felt like sleeping after walking practically the whole of vivo with kristie. Damn tired. Reached home quite early today and my mother was shocked. Seriously what's her problem la -.- Like i can't reach home early. Zzz. Anyway, jiayou to all athletics people for tmr's cross country nationals!
Eh damn boring. I don't want to do chinese and physics luh.
& of course, Congrats Choir for the Gold with Honours!
Monday, April 16
我眼前的那是绿灯, 心里亮起的是红灯. 感觉要我怎么走, 我一时也不清楚, 自己要的是什么, 怎样才能找清楚?Hmm lessons today passed very fast. Guess it was because i listened in class today. Even for math lesson, felt so 'enlightened' that i suddenly knw how to do all those alpha and beta questions. For once, things don't seem that hopeless anymore. Stayed back after school to complete my lagging essay and my chem assignment and handed both up. Then i done my chinese homework and filing while waiting for kristie. I've done all my homework due today and tmr! Feel accomplished (: So long since i really got down and done serious work.
Anyway, PE's touch rugby sucked man. I hate it. Late again, done 40 push-ups again. My knees arh...Are they going to have that two bruises there permanently or something..? LOL.
After school went out to eat with kristie. Ahh chatted about alot of stuff. About our parents, sec2 class, 3H and many many other things. We're going vivo tmr for the Ben&Jerry's ice-cream (:
& HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YUSHAN!
----
When i was so determined that i would most difinitely erase the times from my mind, i still feel that connection. I guess it's really quite impossible to forget about all of it. Whatever it is, i do miss the things we use to do. Looks like refraining from conversation doesn't help. For me at least. I hope you are even talking about me.
I still feel that connection.
Sunday, April 15
Hello people, im back! LOL. Okay i was actually back this morning...like 1+am. Yeah. The celebration was quite fun bah. But extremely damaging to the ears. LOL. Because they went to this restaurant which had karaoke facilities....and....you should knw what happened right -.- For one thing, the atmosphere was damn high, the adults were downing glasses of alcohol. It was quite tortourous to hear people from one generation back sing the songs, from their generation, no less. But i found it even more torturous to listen to people from our generation sing songs which we all knw, and go completely out of tune. It's just painful. They care about shouting into the microphone and not actually singing. So i figured kbox is still better for me. Haha.
We all left the restaurant with most of the adults drunk like some shit. We got into the car with my cousin at the wheel. And she reversed...and BANG. She reversed right into her father's car. -.- And i was like WTF there la. Zzz.
Then at night, i feel damn bored and then my father decided to take me and my bro back. Midnight driving. It was cool, though a little scary. I mean, although my father didn't drink, it was still 11.15pm and there is this long long road full of sharp bends and all that. I was quite worried that i kept my eyes wide awake and on the road ahead for the whole time until he was out of that long long road of bends. And i fell into a rather deep sleep.
Next time i woke up was 12.45am, coming back close to singapore already. We reached home at 1.15am. 2 hours drive only. Haha. And i slept at 4am. Zzz so i was hell tired when i woke up at 12pm today. Went out to the library to return the book that was due today. Though it was raining, i still had to go. And the thing is, once i stepped up the bus, the rain actually stopped right then. And the best thing is, i actually forgot to bring the book out. So much trouble for nothing. Stupid girl -.-
Don't knw how to do my math ws. And i left all my chem notes in school man, can't do my assignment. But everything else is done! I feel accomplished. LOLL (:
连吊着秋千的铁链都可以断掉, 更何况是牵着这份感情那细细的一条线. 早就已断了, 随风消失不见. 坚决会忘记, 我就一定会. 为什么还要记得这份心碎, 我就让它也随风不见.
Saturday, April 14
Friday, April 13
Nope, there isn't any random picture to start off my post today because my handphone battery died on me halfway back home. Well, not like anybody cares anyway.
Suffering from post-NAPFA aches. Screwed up my chinese speech. SS went alright. Lessons after break were totally torturous. I don't knw im so restless after break today. I felt like i was practically going mad. I can't stand the long long hours of lessons after break. I think sylvia must have thought i was damn irritating and noisy beside her. Making so much noise and doing retarded things to keep from banging things on the table. Totally went nuts. Ah well, sorry ):
After school, couldn't attend training. Because i was dumb enough to forget my pe tee. I stoned for 3 straight hours, i was bored close to tears. I totally understand how some felt during trainings without anything to do. Or maybe im just not in the right state of mind today. Waited hell long for 97 to come, ended up taking 51 again. Reached home at like 8.30pm. And im very, very tired now. Plus the fact that my handphone battery died on me halfway through the 45min ride didn't help at all. Zzz..
Going to m'sia tmr to celebrate my grnadmother's 71st birthday. And this happens to be a weekend with most hw due on monday. Damn it.
I don't understand why sometimes...when im feeling perfectly alright that every single one out of my 248 contacts on MSN would ignore me like im not there for the whole night... And at times when im feeling like shit, and people start bothering me. Worse still, with rubbish and whatnot. I'm not exactly feeling entertaining or motivational can. If anything, i probably need motivation the most. Now i knw why people like to appear offline.
----
Why is everyone always talking about turning back time? To right a wrong, to change the way it was? Of course, everyone have regrets in their lives at one point or another, and it's just human enough to want to correct this regret. And yes, im one of them who wished i could turn back time. But i want to do that not to change anything in my life now. No, i want to turn back time to experience what i went through again. Maybe if it's good enough, leave it there and not come back.
But hey, the spoiler is that i can't turn back time. So stop dreaming about it already. I guess my life is still good enough. & i don't bother no more. Though i don't exactly knw, i don't wish to either. To say the least, it feels good not to bother.
Suffering from post-NAPFA aches. Screwed up my chinese speech. SS went alright. Lessons after break were totally torturous. I don't knw im so restless after break today. I felt like i was practically going mad. I can't stand the long long hours of lessons after break. I think sylvia must have thought i was damn irritating and noisy beside her. Making so much noise and doing retarded things to keep from banging things on the table. Totally went nuts. Ah well, sorry ):
After school, couldn't attend training. Because i was dumb enough to forget my pe tee. I stoned for 3 straight hours, i was bored close to tears. I totally understand how some felt during trainings without anything to do. Or maybe im just not in the right state of mind today. Waited hell long for 97 to come, ended up taking 51 again. Reached home at like 8.30pm. And im very, very tired now. Plus the fact that my handphone battery died on me halfway through the 45min ride didn't help at all. Zzz..
Going to m'sia tmr to celebrate my grnadmother's 71st birthday. And this happens to be a weekend with most hw due on monday. Damn it.
I don't understand why sometimes...when im feeling perfectly alright that every single one out of my 248 contacts on MSN would ignore me like im not there for the whole night... And at times when im feeling like shit, and people start bothering me. Worse still, with rubbish and whatnot. I'm not exactly feeling entertaining or motivational can. If anything, i probably need motivation the most. Now i knw why people like to appear offline.
----
Why is everyone always talking about turning back time? To right a wrong, to change the way it was? Of course, everyone have regrets in their lives at one point or another, and it's just human enough to want to correct this regret. And yes, im one of them who wished i could turn back time. But i want to do that not to change anything in my life now. No, i want to turn back time to experience what i went through again. Maybe if it's good enough, leave it there and not come back.
But hey, the spoiler is that i can't turn back time. So stop dreaming about it already. I guess my life is still good enough. & i don't bother no more. Though i don't exactly knw, i don't wish to either. To say the least, it feels good not to bother.
Thursday, April 12
走了这么远, 前面还有很长的路等着我走, 而我也要无怨无悔地走完. 累了就该停顿一下, 回想一下, 我想真的可以慢慢忘记. 毕竟休息是为了走更长远的路, 我不会让自己失望.Didn't update yesterday because i was really busy with the CID proposal. Today was...another bad day? Ohwell. Was feeling especially bored the whole day because sylvia went for SYF. Had CID presentation today. Our presentation was rather lousy i suppose. But im quite happy with the product nonetheless. Lessons were random all the way, as usual.
After school, went to chapel for the official table tennis handover meeting. The new committee is alright i guess. Ohwell nvm... And what the! I'm the treasurer?! It's totally out of the blue and i was damn shocked. And of course i wasn't the least bit interested in the treasurer's post considering what i could have been. But ohwell, it's not like anyone has any damn choice. So,
RVTT exco 2007/2008:
Captain: Sherry
Vice-captain: Junhao
Treasurer: ...
CIP rep: Yeejin
PT coordinator: Edmund
Hopefully this committee would really bring rvtt to greater heights uh...
Went for math remedial from 3-4pm. Couldn't concentrate at all for today's remedial lesson. The worksheet which i could have finished in an hour under normal circumstances, wasn't even half done after 1 hour. I guess bad mood really clouds thinking. Couldn't complete it because we had to go for NAPFA test 5 items today. Talking about the test, maybe it was the only thing which made me feel a little better. Everything improved except shuttle run. Zzz the hall is damn slippery la.
Only thing worth mentioning was my inclines, as usual. Did a 51 this time round. But that stupid person in charge went and deducted 1 from it so im left with 50. Zzz. But well, guess im satisfied with it. NAPFA 2007: 6 'A's, 30 marks. Gold.
And went back to the class to find that our royal table cloth was freaking gone. And so we figured it must have been that girl who came and asked to borrow it. Apparently she thought i gave her the green light when i did not and so resulting in me practically screaming in people's ears. We got it back eventually. And i finally went home, after much hoo-ha.
Doing hw now..good thing. There's chem test tmr but hell, i don't want to care la. Damn tired from last night's proposal chiong-ing. And anyway, thanks matthias for staying up with me for the night and encouraging me for today's 5 items! (:
Ohyes, Congrats to Concert Band for The Gold! It's already of very high standard according to sylvia, so continue to jiayou! (:
Tuesday, April 10
Woke up at 4am today for no apparent reason and i feel tired. Nothing to do having woken up so early, i left for school 10 minutes earlier than my usual time. Decided to take 97 instead of 100. I reached je mrt at 6am and the bus interchange looks so...dead today. Either i haven't been there for too long or it really seemed lifeless to me. And i got on the 97 with extremely little rvians. All the better still. I wasn't in a sociable enough mood to start saying hellos to people i knw. Yeah im in a bad mood everyday. Ohwell.
School started off badly. I don't even knw what rubbed me the wrong way today that i was in a bad mood most of the time. I was practically just grumbling throughout the day... On time for chem prac today at least...
So as expected, Miss Chia talked to us about the incident and some other matters about the class. And this time, the whole thinking was different. Some really felt bad. Some cried. I never thought our teachers like Mr Liu and Mr Tan were so protective over us. The fact that it is obvious we were the ones at fault but Mr Liu thought it was his problem. I felt really, really bad, because i knw as we all knw as well, that we took the niceness of the teachers for granted. Don't deny because it is obvious. Dragging the deadline for hw just because we knw the particular teacher doesn't scold...
And i just thought of what Gohsm told us at the start of the year. 'This is only the third week, it's not like it's the third month, why can't you all hand in hw?" And from then till now, even until the third month, fourth even, i still see this situation happening over and over again. And she didn't even complain, though im sure she's one of the teachers who always receive her work late from us and had also extended a few deadlines. Although her punishments were severe, and i complain abaout them. But come to think of it. It's all fair. And tkc too, although i really dislike him and stuff but you can't deny that he's being nice by not complaining. Considering we are late for every of his lessons until only recently.
It totally, totally cracked me up.
I just hope 3H had woken up after Miss Chia spoke to us.. I really hope there will be improvements and not get ourselves into such troubles anymore.
----
First it was -. And then i lost my chance to lead too. Now i lose my own faith in the class. And i don't even get what im supposed to. I totally want to give up, and why not i might as well. There's nothing left for me to lose anymore. Everything is gone. Everything.
It's really hard putting on that smile everyday.
Monday, April 9
黑夜降临, 又一片忧伤的宁静...Cold war with my father, ever since two days ago till now. And i think im doing a good job of acting like i don't give a damn. This feeling just sucks.
Really bad day. First i started off with waking up 25 minutes later than usual. Considering i slept at 11pm last night, i don't knw how i still managed to oversleep. Then i missed a bus, missed a train, causing me reach school later than usual too. On my everyday route from the school gate to the staff room to get the management diary then back to the classroom, i was hoping i don't see any familiar faces. I wasn't feeling particularly friendly. But no such luck, i had to plaster a smile and wave to at least 3 people before getting back into the class.
Chem practical. My main cause of misery for the day. I really cannot be sure whether there was chem practical today, in fact nobody could be sure when we were only told on tuesday. It is a 6 day interval between then and now and i really cannot confirm whether there is chem practical. Thanks Jianlong for running up twice to check for me. And then i had to wait for the whole class to clear before i went there myself. So, im the last person who reached, and so, i was the one who got scolded. Shouted and reprimanded at fiercely, no less. And my mood was rotten for the rest of the day. Thank that guy people, thank him. I was giving all my attitude, all my blackest face. Why care anymore? I've tried so hard to hide up my attitude problems, controlled them infront of the teachers, but what do some of them still think?
I have no more reason to be a nice little girl who says yes to every teachers' requests. What i've been working for is gone. There is no purpose. So why bother?!
We were told to stay back in the class after school for that guy to come and receive another round of lecture from him. And he really did come, wasted 50 minutes of my time. So obviously pin-pointing chairpersons and chem rep, but claiming that he isn't. Yes, everything he has scolded about is totally correct. He did nothing wrong, because i would have done it myself someday. But did he have that right to flip through our class management diary, and mock at the people whose names were recorded inside? I think the people who got recorded before does not have to bear this humiliation, it is not part of the punishment.
And yes, i feel very bad for the class. I feel pissed, in any case. I knw all the things i could have done to prevent hat happened today from happening, but i did not do them. It was a failure in my duties and i do blame myself. And we're going to receive another round of scoldings from Miss Chia soon. Considering that guy complained to her right before us.
After that guy left, i gave the class another lashing. I was thouroughly pissed off, at that guy, at myself, at the class. The learning attitude of the class really sucks, and including myself, i ain't exactly an academical role model. But most importantly, i felt unworth fo our class for being put down so badly just because we were late for chem practical. I felt so unworth i just cracked. Of course, still acting like nothing happened. Especially people like Jianlong. If being too kind to volunteer and check the chem lab for me is called kaypoh, then what is nosing through our class affairs with no particular business called? Pure moral injustice? Nevertheless, i still thank Jianlong for helping me check the lab. And sorry for dragging you down in this matter.
Maybe im really not a good enough leader to keep the class out of trouble. Maybe im just not exemplary enough in my actions to be a good role model. Maybe the class don't even bother about what i have told them and whether or not they are scolded. Because most of the time, they are not the ones being scolded. It's not like im a newbie at this. I knw how to handle such circumstances. But sometimes it's just difficult to hide up my emotions when im being blamed for everything i didn't do. I feel the scoldings i get are so unfair when sometimes i am just being over-protective of the class.
I could have walked off myself to the lab first. I could have not been the last and get scolded. In fact i was like the first one who was ready and stood at the door waiting. But i chose to stay and wait for everyone to go first before i went. No, im not trying to say im being very noble here. No. I stayed because i have the duty to make sure everyone leaves the class and i will be behind the queue. I'll make sure everyone is there, at the lab before me. It's between being on time or doing my duty as a chairperson. Either way, i'll still lose something.
Why i got so pissed off and scolded the class is also because of this. The speed of moving is ever so slow. This incident has only proven Miss Chia right, that we'll get into trouble sooner or later. And the reason why im so over-protective, of course in other words strict is only because this way the class can stay out of trouble, and to prove Miss Chia wrong, that 3H is a class which has self-discipline, enough to keep ourselves out of complaints and stuff at least. I just want to be able to prove to her that we'd be different, we'll not be like what she thought. And all that went down the drain today. Looks like Miss Chia had overestimated my leadership qualities.
It's only because i really wish 3H will do ourselves good that i'd be so mean to all of you. Maybe im just a lousy leader after all. I just hope they'd understand and realise.
----
Can things really get better, why do they seem like the downturn will go on and on. Looks like it's long gotten over, looks like im just the one who's still stuck at the exact same place. Like i can't move out of it even when i've tried so hard. Didn't i tell to her face that if she have the courage to confess tonight then i'd have the courage to talk to you tonight, to make the first move after so long? And she did it. So where did all my courage go? Down the drain together with my hopes for the class? It certainly seems like it.
Are you waiting for the first move too or you simply don't care anymore?
Sunday, April 8
雨一直下, 为什么最近的雨不停下. 越看越是心痛, 越看越是难受...
我受不了他了, 完完全全的受不了... 我已不再是害怕你发了疯一样对我狂吼的女儿, 我也已经是一个会为自己想的人... 我不再害怕你手持的藤鞭, 不再害怕你对我说出那种伤人的话... 如果你还不知道, 我不管你高兴不高兴, 要骂要打就请便, 但不要以为我还会怕. 不管你说要下什么命令, 什么惩罚, 我都已经不管了...
不是我叛逆, 不听你说的话, 但是你好象忘了, 我已经是一个十五岁的人了... 不管是女生与否, 我都有自己的想法, 自己做事的方式... 我也没有背着你做了什么伤天害理的事. 我受不了你这种过于闲置的爱我的方式, 我也不喜欢你每回对我说出极为看不起我的话. 如果这是你爱我的方式, 不如还是换一种吧.
你也许不会懂我为什么会在这里像发了疯一样的写我讨厌你. 不, 你错了. 我并不是无知的笨蛋, 我知道这是你爱我的方式, 但我就是受不了... 我真的告诉自己无数次有多么恨你, 一次一次你说出的话都让我听了心痛. 但你永远只看到我不以为然的那一面, 因为我选择不让你看到我流泪的样子... 其实我真得很在意你怎么看我, 我也很透了你那样说我. 不管是为了激发我的斗志或否, 我都恨透了. 真得恨透了...
很遗憾, 我会说出这样的话相信你也明白我累积下来的痛. 我拒绝再相信你爱我, 因为在你的冷嘲热讽背后我感受不到所谓的爱. 你从来都不知道我多么在意你怎么看我...从来都不会了解...
心是彻彻底底的痛.
Saturday, April 7
Didn't update because of class outing which ended rather late, and i reached home thoroughly exhausted to find that my comp was hogged by my father. So i could only wait till now before i could blog. Don't worry, im not giving a 3000 word account of what had happened yesterday like what Sharmie intends. I'm not that hardcore yet, so i'll just blog about anything i remember along the way (:
And so, i woke up at 10.15am, stared at the clock for a moment before realising that i had to meet with the class in 45 minutes time. And then i remembered i turned my hp alarm off at 8.45am -.- And i was late for 10min. First few i saw was Jianlong and Chentao before i went to jec macs to meet with the rest of the girls. The guys went off to play lan long before the girls met.
So, we went up to kbox to find a long queue and many reluctant classmates who didn't want to go in and sing. That queue plus that reluctantness was seriously pissifying but thank god we still managed to go in. Only me, Sylvia, Xinyu, Yanyi, Sharmie and Silin went. It was really awkward at the start but well, because we had to make the atmosphere high enough so everyone would dare to sing, Yanyi kindly made the sacrifice of singing first. By the song "Get High" everyone was indeed already very high and singing our hearts out. And i can't believe they sabotaged me to solo like so many songs for them! Zzz i feel conned -.- But ohwell Sylvia and Yanyi solo-ed a song each too! Their singing was really good and i must say i enjoyed myself.
Though halfway felt abit sianned because i was told the rest of the people didn't have anything left to do and they were feeling sian so we can't sing till 4pm and had to leave at 3pm. Kind of spoiler but no choice, we left around 3.20pm to meet with the rest of the class to go IMM for purchase of our BBQ food. But sadly, my hp battery died on me and i had to go back to change my battery. And i realised that everyone's hp was running low on batt yesterday -.-
Was told to wait for Sylvia and Jieren at Bukit Batok MRT station. And i waited for like 15min? And saw alot of people like MM phyllis. LOL. And then, the spoiler of the day came: my father's call. Oh man, wtf, it totally spoilt my mood for the rest of the day. First, he demanded to knw why i wasn't back home then (it was only 5pm) and i explained that i already informed my mother i was going to a class outing today which my mother, conveniently denied knwing anything. And then, he said he needs my help for typing of a document, and i was super dudiao, can't my two brothers help? He called just to tell me to go home and help him type a document? It sounded really ridiculous to me and i got really pissed off. And then my father started screaming at me when Sylvia and Jieren came. After awhile i just hung up the phone, it's not like i cared. And i followed them into west mall to buy a slice of cake for both Elijah and Jieren (to celebrate their birthdays in advance) and walked a very big round before reaching the place of our BBQ.
Upon arrival, saw most of the guys gone and the rest of the girls cam-whoring. And of course, a few very kindly helping to start the fire for our BBQ. So after venting my anger out to anyone who would listen, i went and cam-whored with them. LOL. Quite a few random pictures. And some which cannot be posted! =x Aha. And our star of the day was Jianlong!
Jianlong with his hands covered with soot. Nice pose =D
Him advertising some ponies in giant!
Look at his face! xD
Doesn't this look like a family portrait? xP
Sylvia and Kristie (:
Me and Kristie (:
Yanyi and Me (:
Running partner; Sharmie! (:
Sinyee(s)! (:
Me and Sylvia; Sistas (:
Girls by the slide (:
And we waited and waited and waited some more for the fire. It took really long and didn't really eat much. I was busy getting the quite-cooked nuggets and seaweed chicken for Sharmie and Kristie. The rest just played around by the playground. The fire took really long to start up, i wonder what to anticipate for our class chalet BBQ =x
Around 10pm, my parents called me to tell me to go home. But because nobody wanted to go home, i didn't want to leave first. Furthermore, it was dark. Then after about 15min, Sharmie, Jonathan and Simon left with us. Along the way to the MRT station, they were argueing whether to alight at Tiong Bahru or Commonwealth MRT. Sounds like two children bickering xD Then Jiachen and Vincent joined us too. Was a lonely bus ride back home but thankfully, i didn't fall asleep because i was standing. If not i think i would have overshot my stop again. Walking along the dark streets back home alone is quite fun. Quiet and still, unlike the usual times. But i seldom get to go home around this time. And i finally reached home at 11.15pm.
When i reached home, received an sms from Jieren telling all of us to sms him when we got home and signed off as 'Concern from welfare reps'! Woah, that is so touching. We never had such smses in 2C. LOL.
Stayed up until like 2.30am watching some horror movie on TV. Until i can't stand it anymore and fell asleep on the couch. Overall, this outing was still okay. Not exactly very successful, the BBQ was a failure but well, we gain experience through this failure and hopefully will secceed the next time round. Nevertheless, thanks to people like Sylvia, Jieren, Sweecheng, Melvin and Wanglie in the help of the fire or for the outing. And of course, thanks to everyone who attended the outing. 3H is really a rather enthusiastic class which is good..Very good. (:
Last but not least,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SHIBIN & ELIJAH! (:
And so, i woke up at 10.15am, stared at the clock for a moment before realising that i had to meet with the class in 45 minutes time. And then i remembered i turned my hp alarm off at 8.45am -.- And i was late for 10min. First few i saw was Jianlong and Chentao before i went to jec macs to meet with the rest of the girls. The guys went off to play lan long before the girls met.
So, we went up to kbox to find a long queue and many reluctant classmates who didn't want to go in and sing. That queue plus that reluctantness was seriously pissifying but thank god we still managed to go in. Only me, Sylvia, Xinyu, Yanyi, Sharmie and Silin went. It was really awkward at the start but well, because we had to make the atmosphere high enough so everyone would dare to sing, Yanyi kindly made the sacrifice of singing first. By the song "Get High" everyone was indeed already very high and singing our hearts out. And i can't believe they sabotaged me to solo like so many songs for them! Zzz i feel conned -.- But ohwell Sylvia and Yanyi solo-ed a song each too! Their singing was really good and i must say i enjoyed myself.
Though halfway felt abit sianned because i was told the rest of the people didn't have anything left to do and they were feeling sian so we can't sing till 4pm and had to leave at 3pm. Kind of spoiler but no choice, we left around 3.20pm to meet with the rest of the class to go IMM for purchase of our BBQ food. But sadly, my hp battery died on me and i had to go back to change my battery. And i realised that everyone's hp was running low on batt yesterday -.-
Was told to wait for Sylvia and Jieren at Bukit Batok MRT station. And i waited for like 15min? And saw alot of people like MM phyllis. LOL. And then, the spoiler of the day came: my father's call. Oh man, wtf, it totally spoilt my mood for the rest of the day. First, he demanded to knw why i wasn't back home then (it was only 5pm) and i explained that i already informed my mother i was going to a class outing today which my mother, conveniently denied knwing anything. And then, he said he needs my help for typing of a document, and i was super dudiao, can't my two brothers help? He called just to tell me to go home and help him type a document? It sounded really ridiculous to me and i got really pissed off. And then my father started screaming at me when Sylvia and Jieren came. After awhile i just hung up the phone, it's not like i cared. And i followed them into west mall to buy a slice of cake for both Elijah and Jieren (to celebrate their birthdays in advance) and walked a very big round before reaching the place of our BBQ.
Upon arrival, saw most of the guys gone and the rest of the girls cam-whoring. And of course, a few very kindly helping to start the fire for our BBQ. So after venting my anger out to anyone who would listen, i went and cam-whored with them. LOL. Quite a few random pictures. And some which cannot be posted! =x Aha. And our star of the day was Jianlong!
Jianlong with his hands covered with soot. Nice pose =D
Him advertising some ponies in giant!
Look at his face! xD
Doesn't this look like a family portrait? xP
Sylvia and Kristie (:
Me and Kristie (:
Yanyi and Me (:
Running partner; Sharmie! (:
Sinyee(s)! (:
Me and Sylvia; Sistas (:
Girls by the slide (:And we waited and waited and waited some more for the fire. It took really long and didn't really eat much. I was busy getting the quite-cooked nuggets and seaweed chicken for Sharmie and Kristie. The rest just played around by the playground. The fire took really long to start up, i wonder what to anticipate for our class chalet BBQ =x
Around 10pm, my parents called me to tell me to go home. But because nobody wanted to go home, i didn't want to leave first. Furthermore, it was dark. Then after about 15min, Sharmie, Jonathan and Simon left with us. Along the way to the MRT station, they were argueing whether to alight at Tiong Bahru or Commonwealth MRT. Sounds like two children bickering xD Then Jiachen and Vincent joined us too. Was a lonely bus ride back home but thankfully, i didn't fall asleep because i was standing. If not i think i would have overshot my stop again. Walking along the dark streets back home alone is quite fun. Quiet and still, unlike the usual times. But i seldom get to go home around this time. And i finally reached home at 11.15pm.
When i reached home, received an sms from Jieren telling all of us to sms him when we got home and signed off as 'Concern from welfare reps'! Woah, that is so touching. We never had such smses in 2C. LOL.
Stayed up until like 2.30am watching some horror movie on TV. Until i can't stand it anymore and fell asleep on the couch. Overall, this outing was still okay. Not exactly very successful, the BBQ was a failure but well, we gain experience through this failure and hopefully will secceed the next time round. Nevertheless, thanks to people like Sylvia, Jieren, Sweecheng, Melvin and Wanglie in the help of the fire or for the outing. And of course, thanks to everyone who attended the outing. 3H is really a rather enthusiastic class which is good..Very good. (:
Last but not least,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SHIBIN & ELIJAH! (:
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