Feel so tired, but forced to continue doing my homework and such. I really really don't want to do anything more and just drop on my bed and sleep for as long as i want, not having to wake up at 5am tmr morning. To face school. To face all the work i didn't do. And to top it all off, there's still module tmr. I feel so sick of everything and i don't want to go on anymore. Or maybe i just got too slack and now i can't get myself working anymore. Come on, it's only the start and im already flunking every single subject. No motivation. I'm nothing i set out to be.

Flunked my second math test with a single digit score. As expected but nothing to be proud of. Now my chinese is C6, math possibly F9 or worse. Maybe only history will be my consolation. Got a 94 for it, probably going to be the only A1 or even A at all. Training was very hiong today, had PT, that's why im so freaking tired. Haven't trained so hard for a long time.

Homework. Sleep. Which matters more? Chuck homework and go sleep sinyee, you've got the module to survive tmr. Good point.

I really don't want to do any work anymore. The holidays seem so near yet so far. I need a break right now. Hate to knw that im being so emotionally vulnerable that even the smallest things which i couldn't give a fck about now could bring me to the brink of tears. Ridiculous and pathetic. Behaviour of a weakling and an emo-freak. Totally not what i do. But what's happening to me?

And my mother is threatening to tell my father to make me quit table tennis to concentrate on my stydies and stop making myself so tired. Quit? When that woman takes over, maybe. Definitely not now. Sorry my dear mother, because sometimes you just don't fcking see.

&i never felt so lost and alone. Cos' i can't turn to you, when it all falls apart.

Only to see the perfect mask crumble away bit by bit and revealing all the true emotions beneath.