As expected, we lost to NYGH, i didn't get to play. Set score: 3-0. Don't even knw why im bothering to go for that prize presentation when clearly i did nothing that is worth for our team to glorify in. Didn't play well. Didn't even play in the semi-finals and finals. Should never even had held hope in the first place, no hope is better than false hope. Though i didn't believe that we stand a chance to win them anyway. So it has finally ended.

'C' Girls - 2nd
'C' Boys - 3rd [edit]
'B' Girls - 2nd
'B' Boys - 4th

Was feeling terrible during match today. Pissed off at everyone and everything. Had a killer gastric pain halfway through. Actually the whole event was the same old thing. Don't need to talk about it anymore. We just got our ugly trying-to-pass-off-as-silver gray medal, took a few photos which i can't even smile in, and then left. Don't even have to try to tell you how disappointed i was.

Missed cross-country due to tournament. Heard that minotaur got 1st in cheering and mascot, which is so unbelievable. And 2nd overall. Totally amazing. Minotaur has finally made it to the top. & hope esther's alright yeah, god bless.

Only to come back home to realise i have more work to finish. I don't feel like going to school. I just want a nice long break and let me catch up on everything that i've missed out. I don't want to be pressed with so much school work and things like that. I really don't want to be so worn out anymore.

----

I don't think i'll be able to hold out much longer anymore. I'm really sick of second-guessing myself everyday, thinking so much of what i'd never get an answer in. I don't want to be viewed as someone who is clinging on desperately to everything that's left to salvage. I don't want it to be this way. And it is making me so mentally imbalanced which is a weakness i don't want to be associated with. I can't even give myself a definite answer whether i might be able to give it up. It seems like nothing matters to me anymore. I hate this feeling of myself being so foolishly emotional, and i helplessly, can do nothing about this.

The doubts i have about what they tell me is going to get overruled by the plain truth. I'm losing faith, losing the trust. Tell me you did this for a greater and further meaning. Tell me it's because you don't want what would happen in the end come true. Tell me that it is not because you have forgotten, or given up, or chosen someone better. Or maybe just tell me that it's never going to be the same anymore. There are too many things promised, too many things reassured. But what had happened to all of that? Gone. As simple as that.

I don't want to have to make myself hold the tears back anymore. I want to be just able to cry out loud whenever i feel like it. It's very miserable for me to be acting like im forever happy. The feeling really sucks.

All i had wanted now is a definite answer, to tell me that it's okay for me to give it up. And that no one cares anymore. That you don't care anymore.

And let's go back to the beginning. When nothing has been said or done. When im forever hoping but never sure. I'm sure i'd feel alot better, or probably had already let you go. Because then i'll never have known what you felt. It would have been alot easier...