haix. another day closer to the doomed match.
i dun want larh! i know there's nth wrong
with losing. cos like wad cy said. we nv set out
to win the raffles family. which is, sadly, TRUE.
but still. losing is still very unacceptable to me.
in the nationals. my morale has been greatly
decresed like how many times from all that
losing until now, finally, i dun believe in myself
anymore. and specially to kwan: i know i
made a promise that i would train hard
and not be a reserve next yr. but it juz seems
like the chances of me having to play is so
slim. so very depressing. i know i tell ppl
not to doubt me. but im already doubting
myself. cos i know my limits. its very
difficult for me to be able to play next yr.
i dun want to be a reserve. but then.
do i have any choice? like who wants to be a
reserve like that. definitely not me larh. i want
to play. but am i given the chance or not.

im juz going more and more crazy already.
sure i will be disappointed if i become a
reserve YET AGAIN next yr. but wadever.
like who cares. dun ask me whether im ok
when we lose tmr. i cant stand ppl asking me.
wad happened during the dunman match.
i can control myself until ppl talk to me.
even though we were prepared to lose.
we know there is no chance of winning.
it doesnt mean that i wont feel sad.
dun ask. dun talk to me. juz be there. pls.