Training today, kai qiu first as usual. As suck as ever. Wonder when it'll ever improve. Sick of always kai qiu and kai qiu first thing for training. Ruins my mood of all things.

Went gan eng seng for friendly match today. Singles first. Fucked it up larh, cannot guard with my backhand properly, keep giving away points. Jiao lian put me to table 7 then turned and told me my opponent is a pro. What morale have i left? But nvm, trained myself like how i told jin. No matter how scared or nervous, i can shiver all over the place, but my facial expression must remain unchanged. I cannot let my opponent knw i'm afraid or i'm as good as gone. My expression must not reveal that i am the least bit afraid. And of course, never let your opponent hear the words 'eh, shit'. Don't show it when you fucked up. Just like in a play, you dun let the audiences knw you made a mistake in the script by sticking out your tongue. It's the stupidest mistake. But you can of course, look as attitude as you want when you're pissed. Must really try to conceal your emotions during match...It's not okay, must not let opponent have an easy game.

Then i did not get to play until jiao lian put me to play with yunrong's 10 year old brother....Zzz, feel ashamed, i got thrashed badly. Lol, maybe like what szefan say i was rushing because i didn't want to play him. He is no more than a 1.4m little kid. No less. And yao rong told me to bai3 duan3 so his short hands cannot reach! He said this "You give him duan3 qiu2 so his hands cannot reach, because he short like me mah!" Wah like wth? I laughed at that, in the middle of the game becuase that statement was so freaking funny. But then like so bad to 10 year old, so i don't listen to yaorong. Then in the presence of 5 or more juniors, i lost to him. Haha, but then they look not to laugh at my noob skills, they look and then go and beat yunrong up for letting his brother thrash me. Haha, funny juniors, really. But yunrong, we joking only hor, don't take it to heart, your brother play well is good sign, next time come RV can liao. Then be my junior, i easier to settle my score with him! Haha, jkjk. Then went back to jiao lian there, he tell me if i bai3 duan3 then he cannot hit le and i was like 0.0 how can like this to xiao didi? But then arh, in match i will not rang4. Friendly only nvm.

Then i played doubles, with zhijun. Then super fucked up, started to go into pissed off state. that first doubles we play is so freaking tyco larh. Zzz, fucked the whole match up. Half fight somemore, yue da yue pissed. Then me and zhijun is like never pei before also, how to win lorh. Then me and zhijun keep getting scolded by jiao lian. Say i never concentrate. I'm fucking trying larh right! Then he keep scolding and scolding. Then first match won, second lost, then won and lost, last match lost again. 3-2. Die.

Next match doubles is the pro-er pair. Then me and zhijun pei again. Wah, at the time we already superly pissed liao. Then although this is the pro-er pair, the first match we still managed to deuce but lost, 10:12. Not bad le larh. Second match we actually managed to win, without any deuce. I say when zhijun is pissed then she can play well. Third match lost, didn't deuce but close fight. Then last match, left with our table not done yet, the whole hall of people come watch us play. WTF, I GOT PRESSURE LARH. Everytime i see the ball go out the net, applause from GES people. More noise, less concentration. Everytime they missed my serve, our side was silent because more noise, less concentration. Although was a close fight too, but we still lost in the end. It was okay to me already, i managed to fa hui my standard today, and only with zhijun, at that crucial match. All my sucky serves became corner balls. My backhand which grew rusty suddenly became damn zhun. Just left with that, that zhi4 ming4 shang1, i cannot attack, i can only defend. Unexpected change of direction of their serve and my too-big human reaction time caused some points to be lost. But experience is good. I knw my juniors were amused by my dao expression. And when i lost a point how i will mouth the word 'f*ck'.

After the match, felt quite bad bah. Felt i really failed expectation. Don't knw is it my expectation high, or just simply standard low. Then felt pretty much like crap. But then after that, heard they all say that while we playing that last match, jiao lian kept saying must learn from us what what what, think maybe really not so bad bah? Actually should have went for the waseda match. I found my spark back and i'm itching for another game =D Whoever my new partner is doesn't sound so bad already. Competitions will make me knw where are my mistakes so now i will go and correct them. Alot to work for, especially i still don't knw who my partner will be, but i realised that i'm not hopeless yet, i just need to find back my passion and work for it.

And the sec 1 juniors are so damn...don't knw what word tro describe man. Cute, or dumb. Szefan the french fry is obviously, pretty dumb. Haha, jk. And that teddy bear jing zhan is so damn cute can. Heard about him from the girls still thought he how bad. Very nice what. And cheng li the mcnugget. Haha. Yunrong wasn't as attitude as i thought he was too larh. Just the eyes abit look like want to kill ppl. Then more dumb then szefan. Jiaolian tell him ti xia4 chang3 means play match, then he ask 'Be umpire arh?' Hahas but yao rong is the cutest! Then after training went jp with yeejin, peiqi, shibin, stella, carmen, yijun, sherry and zhijun (did i miss anyone out?) and yijun go and pinch my right arm damn hard and asking why i got no reaction. Yijun i'm telling you now, your pinch hurts hell lots, just that i'm trained to not show that i feel pain. Haha. Then now got two blue-black patches. See yijun, you violent kia. Still pain now okay. lols.

Zzz, still coughing and sniffing. Training tmr again! Very mao2 dun4 whether to do my best for match with b boys or not. If i win then my opponent will be ____. If i lose i will be ____. Haix...