Haven't updated for hell long. Okay, 2 days. Because my comp was down with virus and my brother claims that i caused it (like HAHAHA). And he banned me from sing the internet, only can use messenger. I don't understans why he can spend long hours infront of the comp going to youtube, blogger and im allowed NONE. Freak. So hell, I'm updating for all i care. His reason being that the sites he go are "guarded" from the virus. So fine, if he can go to blogger meaning blogger is guarded, meaning i can go. So here i am. And now i can't do my THIMUN research. Because i don't knw if google is guarded! hohoho. Zzz, am i supposed to wait for my death on saturday or what?

Still quite sick, violent cough started yesterday. And i felt so cold after training yesterday even when i maxed the heater. And my nails and lips were purple. Then i realised i was running a fever. Subsided today, although still coughing and sniffing around. Alot.

Trainign yestersay was...haix. Actually what jiaolian said was true. He got me right on. I just didn't feel like playing anymore. Though i'm still trying, i'm really trying. Because of many factors, i just can't put my heart into it anymore, nor even play as well as before anymore. Quite disappointed with myself...but i really can't do anything. I'm trying to hard but i can't really find back that spark in me. Tmr still going to gan eng seng for friendly match. Just watch me die. Yeah, my standard now, i'm not even fit to play with the B div boys reserves, how to play with the gan eng seng pros? Maybe it's really just simply that i don't want to pair with any other people apart from jenn..I feel so much but i can't help feeling incompetent. I don't knw wat i even want now. I'm obviously not even fit to be in the school team. Only about 2 more months, i don't even knw how am i going to play well by tournament next year. With my whole new partner.

因为太久不见结果所以才慢慢失去信心...