today wasnt such a good day. there wasn't much joy
to even mention about. i thought i haven been like this
quite some time, cos everything had been going so well...
2C bonded well like i wished it to be, 6E gathering a
successful one and i got my new hp and all...and ytd was
already a little off from pleasant..but i HOPE everything
is resolved huh? i really dont want to have to worry about
this larhs...



today's first lesson was chem..haix im in serious trouble!
i need chem help...anyone?? if not im seriously gonna flunk the
chem test next week...im all blure bout chemical formula..
and then mr ong told me to go to the board and write
down the chemical formula for aqueous ammonia and i was
like stumped. luckily ariel and mr ong got help me in the end.



then was netball again. i was GA= Goal Attacker this time.
i swopped with jun hao. then we played with our class another
team. we wont them 4-0. afterwards we were told to change
positions again then i became goal shooter again...and
my face kenna slammed by the ball again. this time was mz
i think..ohwells.



lang. arts lesson i was told to go somewhere else to do my
delayed-so-long summary test while everyone else
has the presentation on alternative worlds...i went to the
library as i couldnt think of anywhere else. omg larh i
was like feeling damn cold in the library cos i just came out
of comp lab 3. finished the summary test and stick around
to while away rest of the time. finally was time to go back, and
happy to do so too cos im freezing there larhs. then was chi
lesson. haix. i think ang damn bu shuang me already cos i
didnt finish her jian bao. i left one last para sia..and then
got the gong han. sian man.



cca was bloody...oh i dunno how to descibe it larhs. its so
infuriating can. we were like late by 30min. and then
me and jin went to play liao larh. waiting for all the
rest to come. we played and played there. and cos i didnt
eat breakfast and lunch, i went out with jin to have a break.
zhu mu actually came out and told us to go in. wtf larhs.
i think he is damn biased can. and then when sherry and zhijun
arrived like 1.5 hrs late, he trained them first. like wtf larh.
i totally cannot stand him already lorh. i train like fck but
he take it like he cannot see it. i train so hard for what?
he cannot see. he wont train me. what's the use?
it all just came round to nth. nth at all. he asked me why i
went out and didnt train. oh please. i train so hard got
what use? huh tell me larh. he dun give me a freakin damn
when all i wanted to do is improve! and get into the team!
is that alot to askfor? im trng hard for it but he doesnt
even care! it's not like i want to improve without putting in
effort. i train bloody hard during trngs okay. and so what?
he hasnt even asked to train me. i feel so hopeless can.
today i just forgot all about it. i feel so exhausted. i dun
want to hold anymore. trng so hard doesnt help me achieve
anything. my hard work has all gone down the drain.
damn him. i just want to scream at him. every trng i would
be hoping he would train me. train me train me. izzit
really so difficult? does he despise me to the extend
that he doesnt even want to train me? you knw, i just want
to improve and get into team. i m so sick and tired of thinking
that he doesnt have time to train me. in actual fact, he doesnt
give me a freaking damn. ohmygod, i really wonder what,
just WHAT am i working towards. getting into team? and
perhaps the blue insignias? i've put in my best but it still
doesnt work. actually it doesnt matter anymore whether i
get the insignias or not. all i want. really. all i ever want.
is to improve.



i cant help, i really cant help feeling unhappy over the fact
that im unable to improve under this circumstances.
cant he like just soend 30min out iof the 3 hrs of trng we have
to train me? train the pathetic and despo to improve me?
i dun see whats so difficult. everyone is improving but im
staying put. i want to go on but something's stopping
me. i really feel so helpess already. every trng now is like
a waste time session to me. however hard i train, he pretends
like he couldnt see. how do i keep my passion for rvtt up
like this? when it had came back and i had trained hard.
but nth comes back and maybe it will fade away...
couldnt he at least have given me a chance? to prove myself?
ohgod im gonna cry.
i just want to improve you knw. that's all i want.



SINYEE-