haven updated for 4 days. quite a big gap for a hardcore
blogger like me i guess...ohwells. im feeling alot of things..
but not all can be disclosed...nvm. replies to tags first!



matt> ohwells...how good can life get? at least how good
my life get? not very larhs...but thanks for believing in me.



xinyu> hahas okay...maybe you dun think im lousy only
bah..



jonathan> yeah see? i told you im a lousy student. dun
believe me...



jaslin> yeah! banglas are hardcore pro can [:



sally> hahas okay tag more larh huh..



yingting> esta=esther? hahas...you dun think im lousy
arh...hmm. thanks alot [:



guokai> you can't cheer me up in anyway larh. im born
a pessimist what..honestly, dun needa worry...i will be
okay.



sylvia> thanks sista! why cannot be lousy...? lols [:



okay. so the cause for the lack of posts is cos i've been away
at my grandfather's funeral. he passed away on friday night.
im not exactly very sad...cos not very close with him larhs.
and then i was forced to cancel my plans on saturday, gardening
cip and class meeting for skit. so, im more pissed than sad.
yeah call me the heartless freak. and then my parents tols
me i have to miss school on mon, tue and wed. and i get more
pissed. i have the new zealand form and hapfa results to
hand in, both late. then went there only fold the incense
paper for very long and have some rituals. and then my
parents tell me i can go school on mon. so i went yesterday.
which made me feel more lousy actually. well, it's not impt.



the whole thing was basically just about going there and stone
or fold incense paper for hours until the time for the ritual
to start, last for 2 hrs and then fold or stone again. today
we went to cremate my grandfather's body. my aunt was
like standing beside me crying so terribly and calling my
grandfather that i felt like crying too. that kind of heart wrenching
calls..but i didnt cos im a heartless freak.



missed cca today. actually got time to rush there but my parents
dun allow..haix. and zhumu trained them again today. i
seriously think he has smth against me. i went for trngs and
he doesnt train me but today i nv go and he train jin and jenn
again. it's not the first time already. i feel like shit. im just
lousy larh right. even the coach thinks so. sure got alot of hw
now already. and im bloody tired. didnt sleep properly for
so many days. like only 3 or 4 hrs of sleep. tmr im going
back to school. but im unable to participate in the class
skit. still, hope all goes well for them. maybe i shouldnt go tmr
as well. then jieren will be chao happy. lols. i dun want
to miss out everything.



feel the tension rising. i dun want to hold anymore. but maybe
i still do. i want to. but everything is against me. it's so difficult
for me to believe that i can still fit in. im losing faith.
im falling behind. and i dun care cos it all doesnt matter
anymore. i feel that i cant trust anymore. i am a totally
superficial me. i dun want it this way.



SINYEE-