I am FULLY aware of the amount of things
im supposed to finish. Im SORRY if you think
im not doing a good job. I really did try my best
to do my best at everything im supposed to.
maybe you dun see it, I dun need you to see
it. I knw i did wad im supposed to do and dun
blame me if i flare up at you when you
do smth wrong. Im just going crazy under all
this work. How much longer can i go on? and
i tell you, I DONT KNOW. i might just go
totally berserk tmr. whatever. sometimes when
you are about to just dump more work on
me, would you mind, just THINK how much
work i already have and how much work you are going
to give me. ans how much all of that adds up. and
think whether i willl be able to handle it for a moment.
because maybe you might think that i wont
be able to finish this up. maybe you would have this
humanity to understand how stressed out i am.
oh whatever.



sometimes when i think of how much work is waiting
for me to finish, you knw, i will be reduced to this super
depressed idiot. which no one can see. they wont knw.
cos my smile fools everyone. and i mean everyone.
maybe except for that few. i dun care anyway. its not
meant for you to see through. countless times,
it had always seemed impossible for me to complete
all the tasks, somehow, somehow, i can always manage
to scrape past it and survive it. many times i thought i
was totally done with and gone, and i dun knw how,
i can actually get through everything. when it all
seems so intimidating to me, yeah go hide in a corner.
and wait for it all to get you. but no, when there is
supposed to be something to look forward to, like
my birthday, a voice NEVER fails to remind me how
much work i have to finish before i can enjoy my
birthday. when it all seems impossible, going to crush
me, i get past it and again and again this cycle
repeates itself. again and again i go thru this super idiotic
phase. again and again. again and again.



who knws when i'll just fall. i've had enough i can say.
i dun knw how much longer i'll stand, how much longer
i can hold. i think i need a break. and its 4 days away.
4 days. so near yet so far. before the long break,
i was YET AGAIN reminded by everything i am supposed
to finish. and now i see why, im nv happy for
long. but i still need to push myself, life still goes on.
the 4 days will be over like all th other times, i
will survive this time and yet again, prepare myself
for the repeat after the break. more things are gonna
come up. i wont fall just YET. maybe i'll hold a little longer.
grow a little stronger. and i can handle all this. i hope.
the worst has yet to come, cos its only just
may. dun blame me for breaking down sometimes, i cant
help it either. if i dun let it out sometime, then i
dun knw wad will hppen =/ well then, this entry is
not directed at anyone. just a random post.
dun ask anything.



SINYEE-