Woke up like super early today to go training at JPS. I got out of my house half an hour earlier to meet jaslin at je to borrow her my cam for her chalet. I was damn tired because i didn't sleep well last night because of my bloody inconsiderate malaysian cousin. Zzz.

Same thing at JPS, trained forehand and backhand, the basics, first. Trained with boyboy who is damn cute but quiet and another girl who is cute too! LOL. After a while trained kai qiu qiang gong again. Then played match, doubles pei with sherry then singles. Training at JPS is fun but quite slack and routine that sometimes it gets sian. After the training, we trained for another hour with jiao lian. So trained 4 hours today. Fatigue builds up from every training and im dead beat. Maybe im overworking myself. Finally...there isn't any training tmr and im not quite crazy enough to arrange self train again. Though i was crazy enough to even think about it.

After training went to eat lunch at jec with jiao lian. Sherry and jiao lian went home first, shibin went home next. Me and zhijun went to je library to look for reference books for my zuo wen and her book review. She found her book after a while but i was trying to find mine until im damn pek chek. I've practically looked through the whole of the cookery section, yes the zuo wen has something to do with cookery. And i finally found it after 100 million years. LOL thanks to zhijun for helping me search and also asking her mother for help. Haha.

While walking home, it rained! So long since i walked in the rain. Was about half drenched when i reached home =x But then heck larh. Going to do homework with zhijun tmr at the library. Afternoon go cut hair with shibin. Zzz.. I can't believe im actually doing homework! Okay it's time to catch up with my work and get productive.

Sometimes after training, i will ask myself why im training so hard. simple answer, to achieve my goal and of course to not be last in the team. Yes i knw, there must be someone who is last in the team, and im used to it being me. But i don't want to remain in the last position after my hours of training. Sometimes it's just not worth it. Sometimes i just don't knw what the hell is wrong. Maybe all the rest are simply better, or maybe im just slow.

And when i think about it....it doesn't have a point anymore. I get really discouraged everytime i think about it, i tried to let it be but it's so impossible. I don't want my efforts to go down the drain, because im so deperate to improve but you're actually not really giving it a damn. I knw i shouldn't say this but it's how i really feel. I feel like im back to square one and there's no way out. Jiao lian says we secured 4 points and i knw the one to lose will be me. I just ask for you to like at least try to improve. I want to close the gap. I'm not asking for you to have extra trainings but at least even go for the official ones. I really don't want to lose becase of one of us. I really don't want to... Sometimes i just find it so hard.

It's not like i even had a choice.