i woke up late again today. supposed to meet natalie
and jonathan at je mrt at 7.20am today then we head
off to raffleslink to meet with the rest. i woke up at
7.15am. my father brought me to clementi mrt and i
reached city hall mrt at 8.05am. bryan tan also just
reach.



the conference was alright. though i would say the three
speakers were very brief in what they were talking about.
we learnt more on the Millennium Development Goals (MDGs)
and then had a little more of discussion. Do not look down
on Bangladesh people. i repeat. DO NOT look down on
bangladesh people. the delegates are so fantastic in putting across
and debating their point i was so amazed. they are really good.
especially that 17 year old bangladesh girl. questioning world
bank in that tone and defending her country. completely
admirable.



the first workshop i went to was about gender inequalities.
it shows me really how much females in the world are being
treated inequally. really how bad the world had excuses for
men. look at that india tradition of jorgini. it's unfair that
a young woman has to be sacrificed to a "village god" and
that she has to perform dances infront of dead bodies
and serve all sexual needs of the village and do all manual work
in the village. come on that's just sexist. honestly, i very much
agree with the speaker. rmb the panadol cold commercial?
they said smth like when the mother gets sick then the
household would be in chaos? and the scenario of the commercial
is this: a woman running around putting the tie on the
child and smth for school on the father. and the man is there reading
newspaper. so why can't the man get off his ass and help the sick
mother do the work? you knw we are not born to do all of
the household chores.



the second workshop was really boring. smth about globallisation.
i was pretending to take notes there but i was like writing crap to
myself. the presenter was talking in a monotonous tone. didnt
have any other media refernces. plain talking for 1.5 hrs. it's a
wonder anyone even listened. and the bangladesh people had
an internal debate within them again. im so suprised they are
really interested in this seemingly useless topic to me. i vow
never to look down on bangladesh people ever again.



the third workshop was he best of the 3. smth about the basics
of media relations. teach us stuffs about how to handle the
media, an interview. what do to when a reporter misquotes you.
what to put in a press release etc. what makes it fun is because
the presenter has really great presentation skills which kept
me engaged throughout and she was really comical and animated.
yes. and i learnt smth new: once reporters makes a mistake
in an article for more than 3 times, they kiss goodbye
to their bonus. and someone asked whether it is three times in
a yr. and the presenter said 3 times in their career. and then
i raised my hand and asked. "since there is such a strict regime,
so how many of them really get their bonus?" and this caused
an uproar in the room. ppl started laughing and somewhat nodding
in agreement. honestly, what do they depend on?



with that, the day ended with hw to do. 2 summaries on the day.
one on one of the workshops and another i dunno what.



on the way home...wasn't such a pleasant journey back. it was the
whole point why i feel lousy. cos today i finally knw that i
am nowhere near "good". all the pretence, all the "i thoughts".
i was just lying to myself all the way. i just didnt want to admit
that im just lousy isnt it? and then my mum called me when i
was walking home. she demanded to know why i wasnt home
when it was already 8pm. i tod her that i already told her i will
reach home late cos of the conference. amd she was like asking
me to hurry up home and serve dinner for my younger bro.
and i was like asking her why my elder bro cant serve him.
must i serve. and she say that my elder bro already finish
dinner so my younger bro is waiting for me to serve him.
talk about gender inequality. im a live example. wtf. my
bro's home dun ask him serve want me to rush home and
serve. and i accidentally muttered a "ma de" and she told my father.
i hung up and waited for my doom.



when i reached home i was trying to calm myself down so i wont
go in and start to scream at my younger bro for being such a pain.
and i manged it this time round. i even managed to joke around
with him. and then my father called and he made me cry.
threatening me that that is no way i talk to my mum and
that i am his daughter and i cant do anything more without him.
great. im just lousy okay. and then ppl had to come and tell me zw
went down earlierthn i normally did and ang said that was good.
you knw i feel really unfair. i bring them down early all i get are
what? people scolding me for bringinfg them down so early.
and then zw bring you all down even earlier, and ang praises him.
and you all willingly go down without complaints.
come on, i knw you all just hate me but must you all do it this way?
i said that i knw im lousy. you dun have to point it out to
me anymore okay. its all just unfair. and when i dun look normal,
normal as in laughing and joking around ppl just think i
have got smth wrong. sometimes jieren crack some stupid joke and i
find myself miling genuinely. but how many of you actually
knw that i really dun feel like smiling? you think im a happy
go lucky person or smth cos you always see me smiling and joking with
ppl in school. but sorry. im none of that. it doenst make
me feel good to smile when i seriously dun feel like it.
you all really think i am happy everyday. maybe look again next time.
i hardly even smile at home. i wanna faster go sleep before
my father comes back and lecture me until i cry again.



why doesnt anyone believe im lousy. i just wanna scream out
loud and cry like nobody's business. i dunno what the fck
is your problem. just leave me alone okay. before i flare
up at you. b thankful i haven and buzz off.my flu is
getting worse everyday.



thanks for cheering me up . just an sms.
but while you depend on me. who do i rely on?



SINYEE-