Hmm. Been working on my RVTT blog. So back to blogger to visit. Hmm. Kinda miss it here =/ Haha but no, ebloggy's fine too.

Bye all, till the next time RVTT blog needs me.

I still can't access to my templates. So too bad blogger. I've moved, everyone. Please relink!

http://sinyee-.ebloggy.com

Replies to tags:
Jonathan> I don't knw why the timetable states that tkc is my co-form. But anyway, if he's going overseas, you can bet i won't give a damn la. He's been picking on me for 3 years straight just because i refused to join athletics in sec 1. Aiya, don't need say what motivation liao. I'm gna sink into depression soon. LOL.

Sylvia> I'm gna change to ebloggy le, i've decided. But i need you to help me with the codes, is that okay? Then i'll move. Enough of this blogger rubbish. And i don't think ebloggy will go merge with yahoo la right.. Merga le also might not suck like blogger.

Yingying> Yes, precisely. The only reason i haven't moved already is because of all my archives. But now i'll move, i think my archives are damn childish. Haha.

----

Third consecuetive day of denied access to my blog template. Quite enough. I'm gna ask sylvia to help me do the ebloggy codes and im gna move there. Bye blogger.

Went to sylvia's house today to do our english advertisement poster. I woke up at like 12.30pm and saw sylvia's sms to meet her at 2pm bukit batok mrt station. And i stun there about 5 seconds. LOL. In the end i reached at 1.45pm and waited for 10 minutes.

First did the drawing of the main picture. Done alot of copies of it, with and without outlines and all that. And took alot of pictures from different angles then let sylvia's sister choose. Haha, she kept ka chiao-ing her sister can! Damn funny, i think her sister also pek chek liao.

Doing the photoshop part was more tedious. Had to change alot of stuff. And kept playing around with the final picture's size until we got pek chek too. But then just went jec and see if they are able to help us print A3 size, if not we will just print A4. And yep, it looks damn nice now, in A3 size, clear and only costed us $2.50 We're gna own it tmr (:

Then went to eat dinner with sylvia. Made some modifications. Showed it to my mother when i got back. And she said it looks like it came out of an actual catalogue so it's not original. Ah, like almost all advertisement posters look the same la, then how original you want? If hook don't like it then too bad, we can always keep it for ourselves.

Stupid gamelan reflections to do. Practical and theory test tmr. Flunk it for all i care. And i don't care too if it's graded.

Consecuetive two days of failure of access to my blog template is equivalent to driving me to another blog host. Since i can't change my links, blog song, blog skin, wish list and such. It's darn pissifying, if anything. I'm gna have to move to another blog host some time. And say good bye to this stinky old blogger.

Soon blogger's gna be left with no one if this lousy service continues. Bet you i'd laugh out loud.

Okay, what's the problem with blogger, seriously? Firstly this dumb google thing, then it gave me this retarded New Post page that im staring at now and then now, i can't access to my Templates page to strike off something from my wishlist or change my blog song or change my blogskin. Sucks luh. I'm really pissed about this. One day im gna move to ebloggy like sylvia and jonathan. You blogger. Better appreciate that i haven't moved already before i really move. LOL.

Today was darn slack. No homework to do. Been very long sicne i last woke up at 1pm. Lagged around at home for awhile before going to jp and to return my book due today. And i bought S.H.E's Play album :D It's great, but some songs sound quite funny on a first listen.

Came back home and basically lagged. Until now. Okay not really, been doing my invitation cards to my birthday chalet. And they look pretty (: Like sylvia says, it's just 14 days away. Doesn't time just fly past.. So fast it's gna be mid-may soon..

And like what i read in her blog, mr tan's gna leave 3 Hapsburg soon. It's been a good 5 months he's been our co-form. And i seriously think mr tan and ms chia are possibly the best form/co-form teachers one can get. Mr tan just always understands how we feel, i guess because he's young too :D Wish him all the best in his studying overseas.

And for the 4th time, HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHIENYING! :D (Nah, this is not stupid le, is idiotic already =.=)

----

谢谢你的温柔 S.H.E/飞轮海

谢谢你如此温柔 捧着爱静静等候
我的双手 其实同样在颤抖

但我能给你什么 我只是一个他遗忘的我
心被一扫而空

我会把你 种在我心中
也许某天 会终于再次长出一个梦

不知道不明瞭不想要 为什么我的心
明明是想靠近 却孤单到黎明
不知道不明瞭不想要 为什么我的心
那爱情的绮丽 总是在孤单里
在把我的最好的爱给你

谢谢你如此温柔 点着笑容的灯火
只温暖而不打扰我的寒冬

还没决定往哪走 才所以不能答应你陪我
怕你会变成我

Hmm. What can i say? After reading sylvia's blog, and the class blog (which was posted by her too), it struck me very hard. Not only did i realise how my so-called "mugging" actually is nothing but slacking, i came to understand that i simply did not put in enough effort.

I think it was sheer luck that i had managed to pass history, SS, english and chinese. Border-line passes, but still a pas nonetheless. Yes, i did fail chem and math as expected. Math not quite as bad as i thought, chem was a letdown. Physics alone left to be known on wednesday. Which i think im pretty much done for as well..

Came back home and father just talked to me about my failure in maths again. I can't take it much longer. Why must they always assume that im spending so much time and concentration on my trainings and neglecting my studies? I didn't even go for training today. I'm just totally crushed by his words. He told me not to be so active in cca because he assume im a reserve for the team. He says it's not worth it for a reserve position to screw my maths up.

And yknw this really cracked me up. I've played this sport for so many years, although im not very good at it, am i to him, just nothing but a reserve? Is my plac value that low as he sees me? Does he really hate me playing it so much? I really can't take this. I can't give this up now, although i might be happy to. It's been stressing me for awhile, but not to the extent that he has to make me quit it. And i knw that i can't.

I just feel so lost and i don't knw what i can do. Even if i really did study, i still screw up. I can't study to get good results, i can't do well in my cca. I can't handle this bullshit from him. I just can't. I really hate my parents forever pushing all the blame to my cca. Maybe they had convinced me and now i really dread going to cca too.

Sometimes they just cannot understand and i just don't knw what i can do instead of feeling so frustrated and lost.

I really wished i could get myself out of this too. I don't knw why my passion just die off that easily. It's just torture. Maybe there wasn't really a passion to start with. Maybe that 'passion' was the interlude in all my unwillingness for it. But now i've gotten myself in this, there isn't any way out, i can't leave my responsibility. Though i don't knw why they must give me a position which i do not want. I'd rather they didn't give me anything, if i can't get the one i want. Why still get me involved? It's better off with people who truly want it.

I don't think i'd be able to do such a fantastic job as well. So i suggest you don't depend on me. There are others far more capable because i can't even handle my own problems well. I've lost the right to assume any more responsibilities for now. I'm sorry but i wished i could have the right to do more.

This page looks completely fine in school. It looks completely screwed at home. I certainly hope it's not my computer's problem.

Went through maths paper today, without the paper though. And i regret so much for crossing out the workings which i can't get an answer. I wasted 3 marks on it. And from question 1 to 5, i only have got 7 marks so far. Pathetic. Can't do anything about it, i'll be thankful if i even manage to hit 10.

Next was history paper. So far the one im most disappointed in. JUST scraped a pass for it. Completely ridiculous. The essay which we've practiced in class before, the one that im supposed to score, i got like a 2 out of 12. And the opinion question, which i was totally unprepared for, i got a 10 out of 13. Irony.

I think ms chia is damn disappointed in me, if not everyone of us. I've fallen, and i've fallen hard. From my A1, to a B4 now, is unacceptable. I don't knw how to take it but act like it doesn't matter. And this is everything i get from studying.

Went to the NEWater production place today. It was quite interesting. The games they told us to play. Look at this bunch of fifteen-year-olds amuse themselves with this game with a fish in the fish tank. Answer trivial questions to play.



A wrong answer would result in a crack in the fish tank and water would leak. Two wrongs and the fish would die. In the end, we answered all questions correctly. How did the fish die? NO, not by leakage of water. It died in the dirty fish tank water, because we refused to change the water. Like damn funny can. Everyone watching at us play was laughing la. Haha

Went out with sharmie, chiouyih, sinyee, chingxin, kristie, lihui, xinyu and yanyi to watch 200 Pounds Beauty at je. But much to our dismay, it wasn't available there. Wasted alot of time lagging around the place, calling up people to help us check the time available at cinemas close to us. Got quite pissed off and didn't want to go at first. The show at West Mall starting at 7pm which was damn late already. But i still went without asking.

The show is really good. Some parts quite touching. And i don't believe i cried for that. LOL. I think it's getting easier and easier for me to cry man. Ahh, must control my emotions better.

Anyway im darn tired now i want to sleep. Long day at school tmr. Zzz.

I'm feeling super tired. The comp's screwed. I turned it off at 10.15pm because it was frigging lag and i don't have the patience for this laggy comp to keep me awake. But i tried again and it isn't lag now. Ohwell.

Back to lessons today. Got back chinese gong han and i got some smashing lousy mark. I can't believe my chinese is still a bloody C6. Where the hell did my A2 go?! Grr. This is so pissifying. Gohsm didn't come to school today, so the whole class just lagged and studied for module for abit. Mr liu's class was free period too. Early break for 5 minutes.

After break had talent time in 3H which kind of fell under expectation. I mean, it was funny and all but.. okay i don't knw what to say. =/

Module test was damn.. I'm gna flunk it for sure. Once i got the paper i stun there for about 5 seconds before i even knw what to write. It's not difficult, it's just that i can't recall a single thing which i studied. So another one flunked.

My essays were so short i think they look like source based questions. I wrote halfway and fell asleep =x In a slumber i was thinking 'okay, im gna finish the paper' and so the next word which i wrote on the paper was 'okay' which was so NOT supposed to be there luh.

Went for the jab today. And tell you what, i can't believe im such a weakling. First was height and weight. Zzz i think i need a diet like right now. And don't try to convince my horrendous weight is due to muscle mass, i don't buy that crap.

Next was the stupid jab and lihui told me to go first. So fine, i went first. No feeling at all. Was sort of anticipating the weird feeling i felt in promary 6's jab but it didn't come. It only started to ache after the jab. And i almost fainted, can you believe it. I'm such a bloody weakling luh.

I was like standing in the queue to wait for the doctor's check-up and then i saw the lights overhead spinning. And i squat down to rest for abit, then lihui and pearly told me i looked pale. So i went into the classroom again. The nurse said it was because i didn't take my lunch before the jab. Crap. I'm a weakling.

And the doctor's check-up was darn retarded. I sat down, he looked at my list of allergies or illness. Everything was a 'No' so he said 'Hmm very fit. Take care.' Signed his name, chopped the clinic's chop, his name's chop, and i go out and pay 10 bucks for this. CON LUH.

Now there's still this faint throb of the ache every 3 seconds or so. Damn it. It ruined my appetite yknw, and i got no mood to do anything at all because of it. This sucks. Tmr's gna be a long day, going NEWater factory for learning journey. Hope it'll be fun with hapsburg!

And im so gna miss the 9.30am dismissal time. The daily mugging session with josephine, daniel and qinhui. All the fun and stress the exam brings. It must be better than the result getting time. It's the start of my Dooms Week ):

& yknw what, i think i'd be able to write a 3 factor essay on why my life is so frigging screwed up now and get a full marks for it. Because no one can understand it better than myself.

----

And im bloody screwed up today. Everything just keeps screwing up, nothing's going right. Please don't blame me, i can't handle. I just feel inferior is all. I'm sorry.

And i just can't bring myself to do this. No matter it is to the first matter or the second matter. I just can't do it. What can i say? I don't want to force myself to ever do anything ehich i don't want to, and no one can make me too. Pertaining to the first matter, it will be alright, i hope.. I'll just have to try real hard..

But the second matter, im really sorry. And that's probably everything i can say. Because no one will understand, i just can't force myself into it. I'm just so sorry. I don't want anything anymore.