- Xin'

2007-11-18T23:23:00.000+08:00

Hmm. Been working on my RVTT blog. So back to blogger to visit. Hmm. Kinda miss it here =/ Haha but no, ebloggy's fine too.

Bye all, till the next time RVTT blog needs me.

2007-05-14T22:47:00.000+08:00

I still can't access to my templates. So too bad blogger. I've moved, everyone. Please relink!

http://sinyee-.ebloggy.com

2007-05-13T21:55:00.001+08:00

Replies to tags:
Jonathan> I don't knw why the timetable states that tkc is my co-form. But anyway, if he's going overseas, you can bet i won't give a damn la. He's been picking on me for 3 years straight just because i refused to join athletics in sec 1. Aiya, don't need say what motivation liao. I'm gna sink into depression soon. LOL.

Sylvia> I'm gna change to ebloggy le, i've decided. But i need you to help me with the codes, is that okay? Then i'll move. Enough of this blogger rubbish. And i don't think ebloggy will go merge with yahoo la right.. Merga le also might not suck like blogger.

Yingying> Yes, precisely. The only reason i haven't moved already is because of all my archives. But now i'll move, i think my archives are damn childish. Haha.

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Third consecuetive day of denied access to my blog template. Quite enough. I'm gna ask sylvia to help me do the ebloggy codes and im gna move there. Bye blogger.

Went to sylvia's house today to do our english advertisement poster. I woke up at like 12.30pm and saw sylvia's sms to meet her at 2pm bukit batok mrt station. And i stun there about 5 seconds. LOL. In the end i reached at 1.45pm and waited for 10 minutes.

First did the drawing of the main picture. Done alot of copies of it, with and without outlines and all that. And took alot of pictures from different angles then let sylvia's sister choose. Haha, she kept ka chiao-ing her sister can! Damn funny, i think her sister also pek chek liao.

Doing the photoshop part was more tedious. Had to change alot of stuff. And kept playing around with the final picture's size until we got pek chek too. But then just went jec and see if they are able to help us print A3 size, if not we will just print A4. And yep, it looks damn nice now, in A3 size, clear and only costed us $2.50 We're gna own it tmr (:

Then went to eat dinner with sylvia. Made some modifications. Showed it to my mother when i got back. And she said it looks like it came out of an actual catalogue so it's not original. Ah, like almost all advertisement posters look the same la, then how original you want? If hook don't like it then too bad, we can always keep it for ourselves.

Stupid gamelan reflections to do. Practical and theory test tmr. Flunk it for all i care. And i don't care too if it's graded.

2007-05-13T02:32:00.001+08:00

Consecuetive two days of failure of access to my blog template is equivalent to driving me to another blog host. Since i can't change my links, blog song, blog skin, wish list and such. It's darn pissifying, if anything. I'm gna have to move to another blog host some time. And say good bye to this stinky old blogger.

Soon blogger's gna be left with no one if this lousy service continues. Bet you i'd laugh out loud.

2007-05-12T23:12:00.000+08:00

Okay, what's the problem with blogger, seriously? Firstly this dumb google thing, then it gave me this retarded New Post page that im staring at now and then now, i can't access to my Templates page to strike off something from my wishlist or change my blog song or change my blogskin. Sucks luh. I'm really pissed about this. One day im gna move to ebloggy like sylvia and jonathan. You blogger. Better appreciate that i haven't moved already before i really move. LOL.

Today was darn slack. No homework to do. Been very long sicne i last woke up at 1pm. Lagged around at home for awhile before going to jp and to return my book due today. And i bought S.H.E's Play album :D It's great, but some songs sound quite funny on a first listen.

Came back home and basically lagged. Until now. Okay not really, been doing my invitation cards to my birthday chalet. And they look pretty (: Like sylvia says, it's just 14 days away. Doesn't time just fly past.. So fast it's gna be mid-may soon..

And like what i read in her blog, mr tan's gna leave 3 Hapsburg soon. It's been a good 5 months he's been our co-form. And i seriously think mr tan and ms chia are possibly the best form/co-form teachers one can get. Mr tan just always understands how we feel, i guess because he's young too :D Wish him all the best in his studying overseas.

And for the 4th time, HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHIENYING! :D (Nah, this is not stupid le, is idiotic already =.=)

----

谢谢你的温柔 S.H.E/飞轮海

谢谢你如此温柔捧着爱静静等候
我的双手其实同样在颤抖

但我能给你什么我只是一个他遗忘的我
心被一扫而空

我会把你种在我心中
也许某天会终于再次长出一个梦

不知道不明瞭不想要为什么我的心
明明是想靠近却孤单到黎明
不知道不明瞭不想要为什么我的心
那爱情的绮丽总是在孤单里
在把我的最好的爱给你

谢谢你如此温柔点着笑容的灯火
只温暖而不打扰我的寒冬

还没决定往哪走才所以不能答应你陪我
怕你会变成我

2007-05-11T21:45:00.001+08:00

Hmm. What can i say? After reading sylvia's blog, and the class blog (which was posted by her too), it struck me very hard. Not only did i realise how my so-called "mugging" actually is nothing but slacking, i came to understand that i simply did not put in enough effort.

I think it was sheer luck that i had managed to pass history, SS, english and chinese. Border-line passes, but still a pas nonetheless. Yes, i did fail chem and math as expected. Math not quite as bad as i thought, chem was a letdown. Physics alone left to be known on wednesday. Which i think im pretty much done for as well..

Came back home and father just talked to me about my failure in maths again. I can't take it much longer. Why must they always assume that im spending so much time and concentration on my trainings and neglecting my studies? I didn't even go for training today. I'm just totally crushed by his words. He told me not to be so active in cca because he assume im a reserve for the team. He says it's not worth it for a reserve position to screw my maths up.

And yknw this really cracked me up. I've played this sport for so many years, although im not very good at it, am i to him, just nothing but a reserve? Is my plac value that low as he sees me? Does he really hate me playing it so much? I really can't take this. I can't give this up now, although i might be happy to. It's been stressing me for awhile, but not to the extent that he has to make me quit it. And i knw that i can't.

I just feel so lost and i don't knw what i can do. Even if i really did study, i still screw up. I can't study to get good results, i can't do well in my cca. I can't handle this bullshit from him. I just can't. I really hate my parents forever pushing all the blame to my cca. Maybe they had convinced me and now i really dread going to cca too.

Sometimes they just cannot understand and i just don't knw what i can do instead of feeling so frustrated and lost.

I really wished i could get myself out of this too. I don't knw why my passion just die off that easily. It's just torture. Maybe there wasn't really a passion to start with. Maybe that 'passion' was the interlude in all my unwillingness for it. But now i've gotten myself in this, there isn't any way out, i can't leave my responsibility. Though i don't knw why they must give me a position which i do not want. I'd rather they didn't give me anything, if i can't get the one i want. Why still get me involved? It's better off with people who truly want it.

I don't think i'd be able to do such a fantastic job as well. So i suggest you don't depend on me. There are others far more capable because i can't even handle my own problems well. I've lost the right to assume any more responsibilities for now. I'm sorry but i wished i could have the right to do more.

2007-05-10T22:53:00.001+08:00

This page looks completely fine in school. It looks completely screwed at home. I certainly hope it's not my computer's problem.

Went through maths paper today, without the paper though. And i regret so much for crossing out the workings which i can't get an answer. I wasted 3 marks on it. And from question 1 to 5, i only have got 7 marks so far. Pathetic. Can't do anything about it, i'll be thankful if i even manage to hit 10.

Next was history paper. So far the one im most disappointed in. JUST scraped a pass for it. Completely ridiculous. The essay which we've practiced in class before, the one that im supposed to score, i got like a 2 out of 12. And the opinion question, which i was totally unprepared for, i got a 10 out of 13. Irony.

I think ms chia is damn disappointed in me, if not everyone of us. I've fallen, and i've fallen hard. From my A1, to a B4 now, is unacceptable. I don't knw how to take it but act like it doesn't matter. And this is everything i get from studying.

Went to the NEWater production place today. It was quite interesting. The games they told us to play. Look at this bunch of fifteen-year-olds amuse themselves with this game with a fish in the fish tank. Answer trivial questions to play.

A wrong answer would result in a crack in the fish tank and water would leak. Two wrongs and the fish would die. In the end, we answered all questions correctly. How did the fish die? NO, not by leakage of water. It died in the dirty fish tank water, because we refused to change the water. Like damn funny can. Everyone watching at us play was laughing la. Haha

Went out with sharmie, chiouyih, sinyee, chingxin, kristie, lihui, xinyu and yanyi to watch 200 Pounds Beauty at je. But much to our dismay, it wasn't available there. Wasted alot of time lagging around the place, calling up people to help us check the time available at cinemas close to us. Got quite pissed off and didn't want to go at first. The show at West Mall starting at 7pm which was damn late already. But i still went without asking.

The show is really good. Some parts quite touching. And i don't believe i cried for that. LOL. I think it's getting easier and easier for me to cry man. Ahh, must control my emotions better.

Anyway im darn tired now i want to sleep. Long day at school tmr. Zzz.

2007-05-09T23:01:00.001+08:00

I'm feeling super tired. The comp's screwed. I turned it off at 10.15pm because it was frigging lag and i don't have the patience for this laggy comp to keep me awake. But i tried again and it isn't lag now. Ohwell.

Back to lessons today. Got back chinese gong han and i got some smashing lousy mark. I can't believe my chinese is still a bloody C6. Where the hell did my A2 go?! Grr. This is so pissifying. Gohsm didn't come to school today, so the whole class just lagged and studied for module for abit. Mr liu's class was free period too. Early break for 5 minutes.

After break had talent time in 3H which kind of fell under expectation. I mean, it was funny and all but.. okay i don't knw what to say. =/

Module test was damn.. I'm gna flunk it for sure. Once i got the paper i stun there for about 5 seconds before i even knw what to write. It's not difficult, it's just that i can't recall a single thing which i studied. So another one flunked.

My essays were so short i think they look like source based questions. I wrote halfway and fell asleep =x In a slumber i was thinking 'okay, im gna finish the paper' and so the next word which i wrote on the paper was 'okay' which was so NOT supposed to be there luh.

Went for the jab today. And tell you what, i can't believe im such a weakling. First was height and weight. Zzz i think i need a diet like right now. And don't try to convince my horrendous weight is due to muscle mass, i don't buy that crap.

Next was the stupid jab and lihui told me to go first. So fine, i went first. No feeling at all. Was sort of anticipating the weird feeling i felt in promary 6's jab but it didn't come. It only started to ache after the jab. And i almost fainted, can you believe it. I'm such a bloody weakling luh.

I was like standing in the queue to wait for the doctor's check-up and then i saw the lights overhead spinning. And i squat down to rest for abit, then lihui and pearly told me i looked pale. So i went into the classroom again. The nurse said it was because i didn't take my lunch before the jab. Crap. I'm a weakling.

And the doctor's check-up was darn retarded. I sat down, he looked at my list of allergies or illness. Everything was a 'No' so he said 'Hmm very fit. Take care.' Signed his name, chopped the clinic's chop, his name's chop, and i go out and pay 10 bucks for this. CON LUH.

Now there's still this faint throb of the ache every 3 seconds or so. Damn it. It ruined my appetite yknw, and i got no mood to do anything at all because of it. This sucks. Tmr's gna be a long day, going NEWater factory for learning journey. Hope it'll be fun with hapsburg!

And im so gna miss the 9.30am dismissal time. The daily mugging session with josephine, daniel and qinhui. All the fun and stress the exam brings. It must be better than the result getting time. It's the start of my Dooms Week ):

& yknw what, i think i'd be able to write a 3 factor essay on why my life is so frigging screwed up now and get a full marks for it. Because no one can understand it better than myself.

----

And im bloody screwed up today. Everything just keeps screwing up, nothing's going right. Please don't blame me, i can't handle. I just feel inferior is all. I'm sorry.

And i just can't bring myself to do this. No matter it is to the first matter or the second matter. I just can't do it. What can i say? I don't want to force myself to ever do anything ehich i don't want to, and no one can make me too. Pertaining to the first matter, it will be alright, i hope.. I'll just have to try real hard..

But the second matter, im really sorry. And that's probably everything i can say. Because no one will understand, i just can't force myself into it. I'm just so sorry. I don't want anything anymore.

2007-05-08T22:36:00.001+08:00

What? We have to take jabs? Ahh no..

Suffering from flu and sore throat now. Zzz.

Totally got owned by math paper. See, i said studying is of no use. I totally put in effort already but i only knw how to do roughly 2.5 questions. Deducted like 40+ marks. And that is so encouraging. I think im damn pathetic.

Like damn it, i see the first question is only solving simultaneous equation then thought still can do, then solve until i damn pek chek also don't knw correct or wrong la. I JUST DON'T KNW WHY I CAN'T GET THE ANSWER WHEN I KNW HOW TO DO THE QUESTIONS. Use the method then can solve normally and today all can't solve. What is this man.

Sorry mr liu, don't blame me, i tried.

After school went je lib to lag awhile with sylvia, josephine, daniel and qinhui. Only awhile. Supposed to study for module but i got no mood at all. So me, josephine and daniel went marina square. LOL. Okay, we were lame enough and walked a long way and sat by the singapore river and chatted for about an hour or so. We really have got nothing better to do.

Alot of random walking. And my mood got more and more screwed up along the way. A flu, a headache, a phone call, a pissed person.

Ah well. And took 97 back from marina all the way to je. Then back home. Then don't knw why suddenly got a sore throat. Anyway i really have no mood to study for the module test, which in any case i don't think if i study it would be much help.

Was told have to take a tetanus jab for OBS. Unless our primary 6 vaccination was in august or later. Damn it, mine's in april. I hate needles la can. Zzz.

----

No, i am not pissed at you. I was not pissed at you, or anyone for that matter. Maybe im just pissed with myself for always feeling so inferior. I can't compare to you, or anyone else. I don't think i'll be able to get my passion back in such a short time. All i felt when i heard of it was getting pissed. Or im just afraid of defeat. I've always felt like nothing compared to the rest of you. I don't knw why im still in this. I don't want to feel like this but i can't help it. I'm just inferior and admit it, it's a fact.

And you knw what, i really regretted telling you i would help. Because i have no intentions to help in any way. And it's not against you or anyone. I'm just too worn out to have to worry about more things. I knw it's not fair to you because you have stuff to manage too, but you've been given the responsibility. So it's not really like i can do anything.

I'm sorry if you don't like this. But i have no bad intentions meant or any hard feelings. I'm simply very worn out by everything. So please don't come and ask me anything pertaining to this issue anymore. I'm gna reach the limit soon.

2007-05-07T22:47:00.000+08:00

Damn. I hate this weird page.

SS paper went alright, was better than the history paper, that is for certain. And essay question was indeed british defeat as anticipated. But the opinion question stunned me for awhile. Hopefully i'll be able to do well for it.

After school was mugging math at library with sylvia and jieren. Did a few questions which sylvia prepared then waited for the pros - josephine, daniel and qinhui to come. Then i did some more while the rest slacked. Like i was the only one doing and didn't even realise. Today was by far the most productive of mugging days or maybe im plain desperate to pass math. Haha.

Went to the rink again today, think im addicted already or what. Or maybe i just need the motivation.. I still have a few days.. Shall believe i can do it by then.

Wanted to study at the senior citizen corner after going back home and taking the two textbooks. But i reached home and just felt so tired that i didn't want to go down anymore. So just self studied at home. But the bad thing is that i will kind of fall asleep halfway =x

Gna have to study for module tmr or im totally gna get owned at it on wednesday. Well, i kind of think im gna flunk module without a doubt, but nvm, shall still put in some effort. Even if it's a bare minimum, it must still be better than nothing.

And OBS is gna take place around 2 months from now. Think it's gna be damn fun. Been looking forward to it for like so long and it's finally here! Went for briefing today and it reminded me so much of step camp at changi last year. Ah, hope it would be more fun than step camp. I think it would be.. Jiayou everyone! Last paper tmr, 2 for bi-cultural and module students.. After that, we'll be free (: Tmr shall be the last day of enjoying the 9.30am dismissal time too..

----

Don't worry. I'll be fine.. It's completely normal, maybe you just haven't seen enough of me. There's always a time where my emotions just go down, way down. I might not be okay now, but i will be. Thanks for noticing and concerning, it did mean alot..

2007-05-06T21:49:00.001+08:00

The page still looks weird. =/ And my new monitor screen is big, very big. And bright without the filter. Ohwell, random.

Went out to mug again with josephine, yanyi, daniel, matthias and sylvia in the end. Wasn't even remotely close to being productive. I'm done with SS, thankfully, but i've done like nothing for math. And im worried now, very worried.

Somehow i had managed to persuade myself not to focus on my math in the library because i just felt like sleeping, having slept at like 3am this morning. But now that i got home i start to worry about math, because suddenly, i don't exactly feel like failing it anymore.

I guess yanyi got mad at me over lunch. =/ Sorry girl, we didn't mean to like, leave you alone there or complain about you or anything. Was just picking fun. It's a small misunderstanding. I knw you're not that petty yet. So yeah, don't be mad anymore.

Second half of the day was basically slacking through. And taking the pain of deleting 100+ of my smses but still not even halfway there. Ah, i will finish deleting it one day! Then matthias left. So i entertained myself by talking with sylvia.

Sylvia and i then went for our cheese waffles and oreo ~~pearls~~ chocolate and went to the ice skating rink where we saw this little girl having her skating lesson. She was kind of void of expressions but her skating was damn graceful. Just make me feel inferior because i can't even play my table tennis well enough. Ah, now i have motivation..

Went back and talked to sylvia about our lives. I mean, some interesting issues. And later sylvia went off. So josephine and daniel were talking some random rubbish with me. Hmm..kind of good to talk about things once in awhile. Clears my head.

And i took like 20 minutes to walk home at a slower-than-snail-speed speed today. Just felt kind of worn out and..i don't knw, sad or something? But yeah. Shall not let it affect my mood for upcoming papers. 3 more to go and im free.

----

I've thought things through.. I guess i'll still have to depend on myself for the motivation to ignite my passion again. Cos i really hope i'll be able to do it, so i can enjoy myself while at it too.
Cos i wished i could help, but how do i do that when im disliking it so much now? I'd hate to feel like im forcing myself to do things i don't want to. So i shall try and make myself do things like how i used to love it so much.. So don't worry, i'll honour my words.

I just want to be like you. When i could treat it like it was my life and enjoy every moment of it.

Just a simple sentence, a simple incident, can spark off my motivation. I really hope i'll be able to get there because i knw what i want for it. No more disappointment..

2007-05-06T00:34:00.001+08:00

Hmm okayy, my New Post page looks weird. Ohwell, it's out of place.

Blogging a little too late, over the midnight mark, supposed to refer to things as yesterday. Basically i just spent few hours in the library with josephine, yanyi and daniel and for a while sylvia, jieren, sweecheng and melvin mugging SS. Was not very productive though time just passed very quickly today. Almost done with it so tmr will be left to doing math. [And exploring phones!] LOL. Okay.

Nothing much to blog about anyway. Gna watch Spiderman 3 with yeejin after school on monday. Birthday treat! (:

2007-05-04T22:15:00.001+08:00

Physics paper today totally owned. Well okay, i don't knw if it would have helped if i had studied more. Since i did not. I have no idea why i was so tired last night that i went to sleep at 8.45pm then woke up at 10pm with half a mind to continue studying. But i could barely get a few lines into my head when my eyelids are already struggling to close out on me. So i succumbed to my fatigue and did not wake up until 5am.

I was stuck at section A, the MCQ part for nearly 30 minutes. Once i turned over the cover page, the first question stumped me already. While staring intently at my question 17, i sub-consciously fell asleep =x But still, i managed to finish the paper afterall, though i doubt i could clear a pass at all. So i still think i'd do better for chem than physics.

School let out at 9.30am, so went jec for breakfast with yanyi then went west mall to scout for mothers' day presents. Yanyi was the one who wanted to get something for her mother, not me. And i saw two more books which i want today! Both of which would total up to about 45 bucks. Zzz..

Took 157 home from there and have been slacking ever since. Okay i've highlighted what im gna study for SS. Before i bore myself stupid over the weekends and while away precious time, i'm out to study my SS and math with josephine and yanyi tmr, and of course on sunday too. Hopefully mugging now would prove to be useful, unlike my previous judgements.

Jiayou everyone! A final dash for the last 2 papers (3 for bio students) and we're free! :D Though another day closer to my D.Day. Ah well, i guess what have to come would still come. Now's the time to relax abit after a week of extensive (maybe not for me =x) study. Rest well everyone!

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Been quite addicted to my current blog song - Ye Zi! The music video's kinda moving, been replaying it countless times for the past few days. Rather nice and reminiscing. I recommend Tonight by FM static too (:

4 more days. (5 for me. Module test :O) Jiayou.

2007-05-03T20:04:00.001+08:00

Apparently, i've made a decision after s.teo's call to my father. It really pissed my father off anyway, so he pissed me off next. He told s.teo that i am not gna make it to university and told her not to talk about going to step for scholarship application. That was his stand.

After he hung up the phone and learnt that my rvtt camp might clash, he tried to dissuade me going to rvtt camp by wanting me to go step camp. 'Do you knw how to prioritise? This camp can get you a scholarship, and what does your cca camp do? Can it get you your 'A's in the exam?' WTF. How ironic.

So he left me with the decision myself. Telling me that he don't want my constant over-attention in cca affect my studies. But if i choose to go step camp, i've got to pay for it myself. Which implies he wants me to go for none. Like that's bullshit alright. I don't give a bloody damn to my cca anymore, but that's another thing with the camp. I just can't not go. Yes, i will still have senior farewells, i will still have camps, but what he don't understand that it won't be the same batch of seniors, it won't be the same camp. Moreover, it might be my last chance to lead it as head coordinator with the 3 others.

And he said, 'honestly, i hate you playing table tennis.' And he gave me a really ridiculous reason to go with it too. I've just decided, im giving up step camp. Well, i might never get a second chance, but i can do nothing about it because both camps are equally important. Whichever way i'll still have to make a decision.. I might have chose this to spite him, or i just can't bring myself to shirk the responsibility i have.

I haven't spoken more than 5 sentences ever since i reached home 2 hours ago. I think normally i'd be rattling off to my mother about how my day went, much as she's not interested in listening. Well, though she isn't the one who disallowed me to go for the camps, she had a part by putting in a bad word for me after every sentence my father spoke, basically. Might as well.

Chem paper is gna own me. But hey, it's not like i really care anymore. Tmr's physics and im gna get owned too. Sad but true and mugging is seriously useless. I wish i could just chuck everything out of the window and not care, but somehow i'll find myself picking up my files to read. Slackers can't mug, and when they do, nothing is achieved but a major mental exhaustion.

So i got home at 6pm feeling very worn out and all i wanted to do was drop down and sleep before continuing on my mugging later. But my mother told me to go down and buy dinner for everyone. 'You brother has a headache.' WOW. He has a headache but he's sitting away infront of the computer playing his stupid maple story. You mean headache can't go down buy food but can play games on the comp? So my brother cleverly went to sleep. So i had to go down anyway.

It's always a bad day on an exam day from the start all through till the end. I can't even be left alone for a while to study. Can't everyone like shut up for once. Stop giving me such bullshit already. I still want to study my physics, now don't blame me if i fail it.

2007-05-02T19:01:00.000+08:00

Chinese paper was still alright, hope i can secure an 'A' for this, but why does it seem so impossible to get. Argh, this is really bad.

Had to get through a 20 minutes talk with s.teo after school to explain why i wasn't able to go for step camp in thailand. She ended up talking kind of out of focus and i was sitting there feeling awkward but i can't do anything about it.

She's gna call my father tonight. I'm sort of in a dilemma now, do i go or not? There's a high chance it's gna clash with rvtt camp. I'm seriously stuck. I half wish that s.teo won't be able to convince my father, but i half wish to go too, i don't want to give it up just like this. I knw there's no way im gna give up rvtt camp. Now what do i do...

Chem paper's tmr. Remedial was cancelled anyway. The mugging today wasn't really very productive but i ended up feeling really mentally exhausted. I guess a slacker just can't mug. So, im just gna go take the paper tmr and flunk. I'd be lucky if i manage a B4.

I realise i can only mug effectively with a pair of perfectly working earphones where all the noises around me would be drowned out. And i'll be surounded by nothing but music. I'm gna get them soon, another 28 bucks gone. But i want nothing but music.

----

It's been so long since i last talked to him. I think ever since we graduated? Apart from the occasional birthday wishes, we would not talk at all. Though i wasn't really all that close with him back then, i mean we were from different classes to start with, he was still a special friend..

Really was quite surprised when he approached me yesterday on MSN, asking for my advice in his relationship problems. He sounded so hurt, so helpless, like i was the only one left and his last resort for someone to speak to. My heart just ached when he told me he cut himself for the girl. I really, really felt so pained. Very sadly, i wasn't much help to him since i'd never been in a relationship myself. All i could do was just reassure him of my presence and perhaps help him sort things out the logical way.

Sometimes i don't understand. I never thought guys would go so far out for the girl he loves. Yes, there may have been exceptions, but i was never truly convinced until yesterday. Now, i just hope everything would turn out alright for him..

2007-05-01T17:33:00.001+08:00

Went to jp just now to help my mother buy some stuff and stock up on my pens and writing pad. And i found myself standing in a very long queue in popular, wondering why the hell is it so crowded today when i remembered it's labour day. Ohwell.

Wandered around there for awhile. And i saw the watch that i wanted again. But then, i realised it's not a nike watch but a baby-G. Too bad it's still 137 bucks all the same. Taken to favour to study in the senior citizens' corner downstairs, i revised chem for a bit, before i got completely sianned and gave up. Chem's so darn sian and torturous when you get a noob teacher. Now how i miss aloy ong.

Was told we're supposed to stay back tmr for chem remedial after our chinese paper. Come on, what's the point man, what's the frigging point? Zzz, don't knw how to teach still want a remedial is only a waste of both her time and our time. It'll be better spent on my self study. I'm not gna go, i mean it.

----

Random email which i received, and people might have deleted it in an instance, i found this section particularly meaningful:

If the world were to end in 24 hours, all the phone lines, chat rooms and e-mails will be saturated from people sending messages to others, saying: "I regret having made you feel bad", "Pardon me", "I love you", "I hold you in high esteem, take good care of yourself" and sometimes "I have always loved you, only I never told you".

It's just the question which i always love to ponder about when im damn free. What would i do if the world would end in 24 hours? Ahh, what a pity to die at such a young age of 15. But there are even younger people who are gna die along with the rest of the world. There are still many things i have not done, many places i haven't had the chance to go. I guess you never knew that since i was very young i have always wanted to go australia. When i first heard its name, i was thinking what a nice name this country has, and i would want to go when i grow up. But well, i haven't had the chance to, and i certainly don't wish to die before i go there. It must be a really nice place..

But back to the point. No doubt everyone would be regretting like hell if the world is gna end in just that very short 24hours. I don't have to mug for chem, since i'll be dead by then =x And i once thought, whether i would choose to die with my family, 2C, 3H, or rvtt?

All is equally important, family is the place where i was born and nurtured, 2C the first class which taught me to love and cherish.

3H the class which always make me burst out laughing like some mad girl and of course make me scream at them sometimes =x

RVTT, the group that's with me for the whole of my rv life. Though it isn't as close to me as the 2 classes, but there are times of joy spent together too. It taught me to be strong, and never give up. So i knw if i chose to die with 3H, they would want to die with their sec 2 classes too. And RVTT would want to die with their own classes. So is everyone in rv gna die together? What a weird thought. Haha.

But if i knw the world was ending in 24 hours, i won't hold anything back. And i'll just say, i wished you'd stayed.

Some random post. Back to mugging.

2007-05-01T11:35:00.000+08:00

I'm supposed to be studying for my chem paper. Yet, i've been infront of this computer since 9 in the morning. Doing nothing but slack. I don't knw how i managed to sleep from 8pm last night to 8am this morning. http://www.truefriendtest.com/friendtest/317048 Inspired by sylvia, you can try it in the midst of mugging. It's damn simple, sure you can score full marks.

I have no mood to study at all.

2007-04-30T17:39:00.000+08:00

Empty.

What am i supposed to feel when i've studied so hard but still going to flunk my history paper all the same? Empty. It's been proven that mugging is of no use. To hell with mugging. I really studied hard for this paper, and what did i get.. But well, i guess it all still comes back to me. Empty. I really don't knw what i should do. Study, fail. Don't study, fail. So i might as well not study. Empty.

Now i don't knw whether i should mug for my chemistry tmr.

曾经拥有的全世界, 一下就化为乌有. 突然我什么都不再想要, 过去的, 现在的, 以后的, 我都不再想要. 你没有错, 我也没有责怪你. 只是我不懂得怎么放开, 不懂怎样才可以把你从我心里擦去. 并没有你说的那样, 我从来不曾放开过. 只是那一时不懂我要的是什么, 又要怎么做. 只是厌倦了现在的关系. 不是真的想伤害你, 真的不是有意. 如果不小心伤了你, 真的真的对不起. 只是希望你会明白, 如果不想再理也没关系, 我已无权再过问你的决定...

只是曾经拥有的那全世界, 偶尔还会回忆...

2007-04-29T19:17:00.001+08:00

Frustration.Confusion.Angst.Nostalgia.

Sometimes i really wonder how an average 15 year old human manage to feel so much all at one time. I'm already very close to it now. I'm willing to take a step back now. I'm sure i would get what i want soon, and it would benefit all parties. Now you have to come and do this. Now i don't knw what to think, what to feel. Why is it that everytime im so damn determined that you've got to go and say something to make me remember everything all over again? You've been so hard on from the start, you've been so sure it's the best way. Now don't come and say sorry.

No point thinking about it. I'm ruling my own head. I won't waver anymore.

2007-04-29T13:30:00.001+08:00

Taking a short break off from my mugging for this post. So i didn't go to je library today like im supposed to because i slept at like 3am last night and i woke up at 9.45am. So i didn't want to waste anymore time on travelling. Currently on my last point that ms chia gave, but decided to add in two more points that could be possible questions. Hopefully i would have caught all the point for the questions tmr.

Hmm okay. It's a short post but well, what'd you expect by mugging all day?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EILEEN! (:

只是那几句话, 都让我为他心痛. 就只差那么一步, 但我知道现在还不是时候. 希望你会明白.

2007-04-28T23:31:00.001+08:00

I've stoned at this page for 20min before the first word. Zzz. Occupied mind..

Went out in the morning to mug history with josephine and yanyi. We managed to grab a table in the surprisingly crowded je library. Managed to cover some of the points after alot of flipping through my notes and humanities journal. Ater lunching at macs we decided to study there for abit and was thrown out by the floor manager. HAHA. Some joke. And we continued in je library where we saw super many 3H guys.

We called ms chia to clear up some confusion about 3 factors and 2 view questions. Then after the call they started talking about different things which confused me again. Zzz.. Then went home before going out SGH to visit my grnadma who's just had an op and looks fine and healthy now. Okay, that's good.

Going to be mugging alot for hist again tmr and hopefully score in monday's test. Jiayou to all for mid years!

& i took an hour to complete this entry. Zzz.

----

Just give me more time.

2007-04-27T23:05:00.000+08:00

Ahh okay, i have another girlfriend! (Apart from jean and yijun =x) Okay, think from the tagboard you all can infer who is my new girlfriend le, so i shall not elaborate anymore right? SYLVIATANHJ! Haha. For more funny elaborations, please go to sylvia's blog. LOL.

Okay.. So actually, today was a bad day. Really bad. Because:

I got sent out of class during chem.
I flunked my math test.
Some _ did not turn up for a supposed meeting.
Had physics remedial.
It's the last school day before mid-years start.

Let's start off with my first point. Me getting sent out during chem lesson. I actually stayed up last night completing one of the two assignments which my dear chem teacher told us to finish by today. And seeing the time i finished the assignment was 12.30am, i decided to turn in before i can't wake up this morning. So, i had to stand up during chem today when she was checking the assignment, explain to her why i did not complete, and she got me out of the class to finish the assignment along with my 14 classmates.

Like wth? It's not like i did not do anything at all okay. I did the whole of the other assignment all by myself. I just chose to do the wrong assignment. Who would knw? She said both was due today. And what pissed me off the most was not us being sent out. Our dear chem teacher actually asked "What is the purpose of this assignment? I don't want you to just come here and copy answers." YEAH RIGHT. It's precisely because i did not copy the goddamn answers that i have to be sent out la right. I had lots of time during english lesson la. Fine, then i went out, stared at my notes, then borrowed the assignment from the next class and copied those answers. That's what she wants isn't it?

It's just because we did not copy answers that's why we have to be sent out, and it doesn't mean anyone who remained in the class had truly done their work. Bloody pissifying. I'm not going to do her homework anymore, what is the use, i still get sent out anyway. Send me out for all i care, im better off outside than listening to her bloody monotonous and expressionless voice. There's totally no difference at the outside from the inside, just that im rid of your voice on the outside. I'm not getting my B3 and it's all because of you, stupid noob. This is bullshit.

Then after that was math. Double wave of depression, i failed my math test with flying colours. It's the score which i knew i would get from the end of the test. And that one small paragraph of what mr liu wrote there made me want to tear because i was feeling so damn screwed up. At 12.45pm, me and melvin went to meet some _ who wantewd to see us at that time, when we're having lessons. Talk about punctuality, he's not there at all la. He's got no right to lecture us about punctuality right. And we went to check back after 30min and he's still not there. Crap. What a bloody joke.

Physics remedial was short. But it can kill. I was basically copying the answers like a typing machine or something and not understanding a single thing that gohsm is saying. Zzz. This is very bad. At the end of the remedial, i recall jumping around as the long day was finally over. After doing my SS essay, went out and had late lunch with sylvia and we talked about alot of stuff..

Last day of school before mid years stats next monday. This week seem to fly past damn quickly. Monday would be english and history paper. Going to have to mug like crazy. Mid years in sec 3 feels like PSLE. All teachers chionging to go through papers. They nv thought whether we could absorb all that information.

On a lighter note though, Step camp is back! Was just talking with my mother the other day. Now here it is. But im not sure whether i'd be able to go for it.. Ahh..

& Congrats to CLDDS with Gold and ELDDS with Bronze!

2007-04-26T22:07:00.001+08:00

I got nothing to blog about today.. This week seemed to fly past really quickly. It's cliche but true. Tmr would be friday already and after the weekends, our mid year papers are starting..

I'm seriously very stressed out at the thought of exams coming just a weekend away. It seems really so close, and i knw it is. Though im completing my homework everyday now, that's still hardly enough for me to catch up. I think i've lagged behind alot alot. Our teachers are all rushing through the corrections for assignments now and every lesson we're like just frantically copying the answers. Especially during physics and chem. It just makes me very worried..

Speaking about chem.. Haix. I don't knw what to say. It really doesn't seem to me that i can even maintain my already not so good grade of B3. I have no confidence in her teaching at all. I doubt self revision can help me much too, because i can't seem to complete an assignment without so much as referring to the notes which will not be allowed during exams. Argh. This sucks so bad.

I had wanted to take this and prove to everyone who think i can't make it that i can. I'm not really as incompetent as they think. But it turns out that im wrong, i am that incompetent after all. How to stay positive, im losing all my confidence in everything. Maybe i'd be able to scrape a pass if i mugged hard enough. I don;t want to disappoint anyone who had hopes in me. If there was anyone. Most of all, i'd hate to disappoint myself anymore.

So im going to finish my chem assignments tonight. Oh and read about the SS essay tmr. Much as it seems impossible. Haix. Wow, i thought i had nothing to blog about.

----

& Congrats to Dance (Modern) for the Gold with Honours!

2007-04-25T22:42:00.000+08:00

Goddamnit. Today sucked. And thinking of it just makes me want to sprout one long string of expletives here. Which i just did anyway. I'm sorry for any which might appear in this post, im just not exactly stable in the mind right now.

Wednesdays are supposed to be slack days, which would mean light workload resulting in little or no stress of the mental state of mind. Which happened to be the direct opposite today.

Chinese and physics lessons had been okay, and my good mood lasted, till math. I'm not saying that it pissed me off today, but the test did. I could only confidently answer one question out of the four. I'm going to fail this test pretty damn badly. I think mr liu would have given up on me, seeing as how hopeless my math just is, and i don't blame him. I'd probably given myself up long before.

Break totally ruled man. To think 3H was released 5 minutes earlier for break but me and sylvia ended up queueing for a good 30 minutes before we got our food. And why? What took so long for us to just get a plate of food? Oh, maybe the whole bunch of people who conveniently cut into the queue made it longer. Maybe that girl who walked in right infront of me made me a little more pissed off. Maybe that mindless remark from an SC completely pissed me off. If you pity the people behind you who might not have enough time to eat, then why the hell did you even cut in the damn queue in the first place? (And sherry, im not talking about you here.)

Sometimes you're desperate to get your food, you cut a queue, thinking it's of no big deal, since you're just one person. Someone who saw that decided to follow suit, bringing this whole bunch of 10+ people nto the queue. That makes hell lot of a difference okay. Have you ever thought about the people still queueing up behind you? Are they not desperate for their food too? If you were the ones whose queue was being cut, would you be able to just shrug it off, after standing about 25 minutes in the stationary queue? Hell, i think NOT right.

Is it so difficult to tell the person asking for your help, a simple no? Is it so hard to just point out to the person the long queue behind you? And that they deserve to get their food first since they were here before? What's the problem with that?

Went for the EU talk. Honestly, i don't knw what to say about it. I almost feels like im back in my THIMUN days, attending the IMF talk and intelligent conferences. The place where i don't fit in. Ah well. Nothing much to say about it.

----

I don't understand why. It's really ridiculous to me. It's not like we don't knw each other well enough, not like anything would happen there. We're all classmates. Everyone needs their own space. Stop letting him restrict you anymore, it's really not worth it. Him not being able to go for some things doesn't mean you can't go for it too. Do what you want now before you regret at the end of your RV life. I mean it.

2007-04-24T22:36:00.001+08:00

Chalet confirmed! Yaye, there's going to be a chalet on 26th may to celebrate my birthday! Ahh, this is going to rock! :D

Ohwell. So lessons today were the same. Life is getting so meaningless. Math pisses me off now, big time. I don't even knw what's the problem but everytime mr liu wants us to do math questions i'd be there grumbling like mad and pissing myself off. Argh. How am i even dreaming of passing my math luh.

I'm losing more and more confidence in my chem. With such a noob teacher. Like crap, she seriously doesn't even knw what she's teaching la. Zzz. If we all fail exams, it is not because we did not put in effort. It's because she doesn't knw how to teach. Don't blame us, because we have a noob teacher.

After school sat for the international science competition paper. As usual, just anyhow did it. And questions at the end were really anyhow pick answers de. Was still calculating the time to take for each question so i would end on the dot. I don't want to end ealier and waste my life away sitting there staring at the air. LOL.

I'm damn worried for mid years. I knw im going to flunk my sciences and math damn badly. But i don't knw what i can do now. It seems too late. Zzz i don't want to flunk again...

2007-04-23T22:18:00.001+08:00

Bad day. Why so?

Firstly in the morning, i woke up at a glorious 6.15am. Did i ever mention that i would get pissed off if i wake up late or reached school late? But in any case, i would. Which contributed to the fact that i was already pissed to start with. Though i kept asking myself throughout the day what am i so unhappy at, why? Didn't arrive at any solid conclusion, though there are several suspecting factors. I just felt really realy rotten.

Lessons, as usual were random. I'm quite sure i'd be failing chem. Considering my dear chem teacher is not evem sure what the hell she's teaching. Claiming that she'd go and find a less difficult way of explaining it to us so we would understand. All i asked her was 'So the elements after period 3 can hold up to a maximum of 18 valence electrons right?' Which the answer is obviously yes. And she was stumped and said 'i'll go back and check.' Like LOL, forget it la right, let me teach la. Zzz.

Stayed back after school to finish my physics assignment 4. Zzz. How am i going to go and see ms chia or mr tan for history and ss revision. There isn't even any time left after school. There's some stupid science competition tmr, EU talk on wednesday (this came at the wrong time) and math remedial on thursday la. Damn it. I'm pissed.

----

I thought i still had it.. I don't want it to slip away just when im about so close. I'm so close. I really have got nothing to lose anymore. This must stay with me... No matter what.

2007-04-22T22:34:00.000+08:00

My father doesn't trust me.

He thinks i can't do good with my life. He doesn't think im speaking the truth when i said i stayed back after school to complete my homework. He doesn't think i can do it without my 'precious' math tuition. He's bent on thinking i don't deserve to be in RV. He wants to pick me up after school everyday to make sure im in school doing homework and not somewhere else playing.

He doesn't even knw that i really really hate him talking to me that way. He places himself so much higher and tries to intimidate me. He accuses me of things i did not do. He is not confident that i would make it for my mid years at all. He thinks im a piece of uselss garbage and will never, ever, make it to university. He thinks everything about me just SUCKS, from my academics down to my attitude.

SHE thinks history is useless. He thinks chinese is uselss. SHE thinks everything i do well in is useless. He think's I'm uselss.

Don't blame me for forever thinking im not gna make the mark. Because people around me don't think im gna make it either.

Is this what you call a paradigm shift?

2007-04-22T22:04:00.001+08:00

This weekend's been squandered away with fun and not much work done. I feel guilty =x. Zzz.

Went out early today to do the Earth Day sculpture. Didn't really do much. Just tore the magazines out page by page and crushed them into paper balls. And supposed to stick them together to form something, but it's too time consuming so we gave up halfway and sylvia brought it home to do. At first only me, sylvia and jieren there. Then we saw yuhong, vincent and sweecheng too.

Left for marina with sylvia and yanyi for kbox! :D Met candy there too. Today kbox 23 bucks, damn ex lorh. Xin tong T.T But then nvm, since is for sylvia's birthday. I solo-ed 10 songs today la. Though i must say i really enjoyed myself. And sylvia recorded my singing la. Omg. Anyone who listens is going to die a terrible death! LOL. Sang for a full 4 hour plus today, damn fun. And candy's singing really OWNS. She say the both of us can go join arts fest this year. Haha.

Candy, Yanyi, Sylvia, Me. And i look weird. LOL.

Sylvia and Sinyee! Sisters (:

Before that mr liu called me and asked for my parents number. Zzz, made me damn worried for the whole day thinking what i did wrong. But i handed up all his hw! Then candy still help me to sms him, though there is no reply. Then when i reached home, my parents said he didnt call though my mother guessed it's because i didn't go math remedial last thursday. Apparently he doesnt believe i was sck on that day luh. Zzz.

Tmr is a monday again. Ahh sian.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SYLVIA! <3 sista (:

2007-04-21T18:47:00.001+08:00

Replies to tags:

Junice> Zzz, i don't like my surname =x

Sylvia> Haha hello, welcome back sista! Yeah you must tag more often for me (: I knw the picture's nice, i told you so. Haha. Yeah can't update because my comp was kind of screwed yesterday, but im back!

Ying> Eh nope. I don't really watch tv or youtube. Heh.

Josephine> Haha, josephine arh.. The pot calling the kettle black. I agree with sylvia, you gotta cheer up too! Anyway, im fine. I knw what to do (:

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Specially dedicated to TAN HUIJIE SYLVIA! A classmate, a friend, a sister (:

Ohmygod girl, you really have no idea how honoured i felt when i read those words on your blog! I was like :O Hahaha. I thought i was just another, yknw, random friend. Since we only knew each other better in this year as classmates and you would have had much closer friends in the 2 years spent in 2F.

Anyhow, im really glad that you feel comfortable enough with me to confide in me yeah. For someone i only knew better of for 4 months, you have extremely high tolerance for my nonsense everyday. And of course helping me with some work. (Since im a slacker and you're a mugger luh =x) I feel super honoured alright! & tmr's the day, let's go enjoy ourselves girl!

Never felt important enough. Until now (:

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Like i said, my comp was screwed last night. My father attempted to replace my old CPU with this new and completely sleek one. But the anti-virus programme is giving him some trouble. But it's alright today and i have a new and super stylo CPU!

Alright, yesterday was a tiring day. I can't stand lessons after break on thursdays and fridays. They just seemed to drag on and on. Especially the last lesson of the last day of the week, physics. =/ Gohsm still released late, but i basically tuned out. LOL. Anyway she's crazy to give us assignments 4, 5 and 6. To hand in on monday, tuesday and wednesday. Zzz. Think we godlike or something -.-

Discussed some class matters with jonathan after school and some others. To say the least, i felt unworth for 3H. No, that must be the understatement of the year. I feel damn useless, like im nothing at all. I don't knw what i can do to improve this situation in the least bit. Alhough they tell me it's not my fault, i don't want to see the same old things going on and on again. It's disheartening. I'm not exactly the model student, yes i knw that, but at least im trying. I'm putting more effort into this than anyone would knw.

Went to west mall with kristie, lihui, sinyee, chiouyih, sharman and qinhui for a late lunch. Laughed like some crazy people in KFC. And they think im too stressed up till i snapped and went mad. Ohwell. Took 157 from there back to boonlay, then when we reached NYGH, we realised we took the wrong direction! Is that stupid or is that stupid. DANG. What could have took us 20min to reach home, we took 1.5 hours. Zzz, i feel stupid. I can't believe my earphones went bust again.

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Went to the Japanese War Cemetry and Kranji War Memorial today. Early in the morning 8am. It was interesting. Big contrast between the latter and the former. The Kranji War Memorial was beautiful. Maybe might go back again. LOL. Can't post the nice pictures because i can't find my handphone PC suite disc to install and upload. Just felt the trip today was meaningful and worthwhile.

Went je to eat lunch with sinyee and lihui. We talked about alot of things, mainly about our parents and primary school. And we went to the library to slack. Though they went back after awhile to attend a parade. I did a bit of physics assignment 4 but im stuck though =x So i came home. I hate listening out of only one of my earphones. Feels damn weird.

Tmr going to je library in the morning with kbox people to do the stupid sculpture for Earth Day. Damn lame. Then going to kbox in the afternoon. Sylvia the birthday girl =D, Sharmie, Yanyi and Candy! Xinyu not sure going or not. Hope she's going, rest well girl (: We definitely going to have a good time because Candy's singing OWNS! Haha. So, going to do some homework. If not cannot finish by tmr =x.

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Did some reflections for over the past few months since the new school year started. What have i been doing as a student, what, as a leader. Did i do what was expected of me well enough? No. Not handing up hw on time for one too many times. Didnt manage to keep the class out of trouble.

I really wish i could do somehing to change this. Anything at all. It really bothers me, and i want to change something. But i can't do this alone. I'll need everyone else's cooperation. Not that 'heck care' attitude. I want us to improve together. If we can have such strong class spirit, we should shine academically as well. There are bad influences, no doubt. Perhaps im even one of them. I hate to feel like i can't do anything, completely hopeless and useless.

I've failed as a leader. I'm not a good leader.

I just really wish everyone would give more than a heck to this and make us all a better class. I knw we can all do it. Everyone in our class has potential. But it's up to yourselves to unleash what's within you. Everyone matters. I really hope things would take a better turn. I think that's reasonable to ask for.

2007-04-19T21:13:00.000+08:00

Feeling extremely drained of energy today, due to no apparent reason. Woke up at 6am and almost freaked out. Reached school at around 7.25am, completely zonked and feeling like im in a trance. For the whole day, it's like my brain malfunctioned or something. I couldn't even do an extremely simple math expansion question, careless mistakes all around. Couldn't concentrate for the whole day and the headache feels like drums in my head. Pure torture.

-Zoned out-

Didn't go for math remedial after school because of those throbbing drums. LOL. Went back home totally alone and all. Took 51 and didn't wake up when it reached the terminal. And of course someone else had to wake me up. Embarrassing.

-Trapped there-

Due to the fact that i missed my stop at the library, i had to walk the opposite direction to get to the library to return my overdue book. And walk the length back to 99 bus stop. Couldn't sleep on it due to like 6 or 7 kids from this XXX school. Freakin' noisy la. Considering i had my vacuum earphones on la. After glaring at this boy talking at the top of his voice about some retarded Celtic Guardian or Relinguish. Yu-gi-oh cards crap. Random primary school kids talk. Then whatever, just had to turn up the volume of my music. Ah, can't stand this.

-To replace-

Walked home at snail speed and i reached home at like 5pm. Bet my mother was freakin shocked when she saw i was the first to return. Ohwell. Kind of lots of homework to finish by tmr. Kind of sianned of it though tmr is already the end of the school week but tmr is like the most sian day in the week. Zzz...

-To forget-

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It kinda hurt to knw that it didn't mean to be for me anymore. No, i knw it isn't directed at me anymore. And yes, that kind of hurt. Alot. I guess im wrong again. And i don't want to guess who those are meant for, i don't have business with it anymore. I'm supposed to. Forget. And i shall.

It might be better the other way out. Rather than meeting with the dead end and staying at the dead end. Maybe i should take a step back and realise there's the other way out. That way's always there and being neglected.

Stop thinking about what's never gna work out.

2007-04-18T22:12:00.000+08:00

Hmm lessons were kinda boring today. Physics was fun, gohsm was damn high today for unknown reasons. I realised her actions today were damn cute, smiling at herself because of that funny video she showed us. I was laughing at her instead of the video. Haha, i like her this way. LOL.

PDP lesson was...interesting? Had a mini inter-class debate with 3J. It was a chinese debate, no less. And i was appointed as the first speaker. Like omg. We only had 10min to prepare what we were going to say and i wrote like 3 lines? The rest all impromptu la. The debate itself was good i guess, both parties had rather strong points. Though i think 3J is stronger in putting across points as emphasis. Overall, i still think it was a good experience. In the end, 3J was the winner. And i was best speaker.

Then was late for assembly because the debates delayed things. And assembly was about... LOL. Some rather sensitive stuff huh. But it was nonetheless still educational (haha) and stuff larh.

Short post, nothing much happened today. Shall finish my history SBQ and go sleep!

Congrats to Dance (Chinese) for the Gold with Honours!

----

Omg, i didn't knw that so many people knew about it. I didn't knw that everyone was talking about it. I didn't knw anything at all. Bad thing about being at the container classrooms, last to knw everything. And i guess i still won't knw unless he asked me and i asked others.

I don't want others to talk about it because it is not their problem. I don't want those people to sympathise me or whatever because the fact is that it is not mine. And it never would be. I knw the reason for this reaction and it is not because im better. What should rightfully be mine is not, so drop it already. Sometimes things are never fair. But i had already accepted this, so why is everyone still talking about it? It doesn't really matter anymore, just stop rubbing it in my face.

In case anyone doesn't knw, im not okay about it. Not the least bit.

2007-04-17T22:08:00.000+08:00

Had english reading comprehension test first up in the morning. At least it wasn't too bad, as in i could still answer the written response. PE was retarded, triple jump practices. What could be worse? Next week doing in the sand, PE never fails to dirty my shoes. Zzz. Had chem prac test today too, wasn't too bad. Got faulted for a stupid mistake but other than that, all was fine. Today passed quickly. Thank goodness.

After school, went to vivo with kristie for the free ben&jerry's icecream. We reached there quite early so there wasn't really a long queue and it moved along pretty fast. And so, we got our icecream in less than 2min!

Haha, be jealous! Chocolate fudge brownie + Chocolate chip cookie dough. LOLL. Went to eat long john after finishing the icecream, then felt damn stuffed. Haha so walked around vivo for fun. We decided we want to b damn rich and splurge on all the stuff we like. Haha. Likt that's going to happen. And we saw alot of rvians. Probably all there for the free icecream. LOL. (I'm looking forward to the treat on my birthday hor ;D)

Felt like sleeping after walking practically the whole of vivo with kristie. Damn tired. Reached home quite early today and my mother was shocked. Seriously what's her problem la -.- Like i can't reach home early. Zzz. Anyway, jiayou to all athletics people for tmr's cross country nationals!

Eh damn boring. I don't want to do chinese and physics luh.

& of course, Congrats Choir for the Gold with Honours!

2007-04-16T22:46:00.000+08:00

我眼前的那是绿灯, 心里亮起的是红灯. 感觉要我怎么走, 我一时也不清楚, 自己要的是什么, 怎样才能找清楚?

Hmm lessons today passed very fast. Guess it was because i listened in class today. Even for math lesson, felt so 'enlightened' that i suddenly knw how to do all those alpha and beta questions. For once, things don't seem that hopeless anymore. Stayed back after school to complete my lagging essay and my chem assignment and handed both up. Then i done my chinese homework and filing while waiting for kristie. I've done all my homework due today and tmr! Feel accomplished (: So long since i really got down and done serious work.

Anyway, PE's touch rugby sucked man. I hate it. Late again, done 40 push-ups again. My knees arh...Are they going to have that two bruises there permanently or something..? LOL.

After school went out to eat with kristie. Ahh chatted about alot of stuff. About our parents, sec2 class, 3H and many many other things. We're going vivo tmr for the Ben&Jerry's ice-cream (:

& HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YUSHAN!

----

When i was so determined that i would most difinitely erase the times from my mind, i still feel that connection. I guess it's really quite impossible to forget about all of it. Whatever it is, i do miss the things we use to do. Looks like refraining from conversation doesn't help. For me at least. I hope you are even talking about me.

I still feel that connection.

2007-04-15T20:01:00.000+08:00

Hello people, im back! LOL. Okay i was actually back this morning...like 1+am. Yeah. The celebration was quite fun bah. But extremely damaging to the ears. LOL. Because they went to this restaurant which had karaoke facilities....and....you should knw what happened right -.- For one thing, the atmosphere was damn high, the adults were downing glasses of alcohol. It was quite tortourous to hear people from one generation back sing the songs, from their generation, no less. But i found it even more torturous to listen to people from our generation sing songs which we all knw, and go completely out of tune. It's just painful. They care about shouting into the microphone and not actually singing. So i figured kbox is still better for me. Haha.

We all left the restaurant with most of the adults drunk like some shit. We got into the car with my cousin at the wheel. And she reversed...and BANG. She reversed right into her father's car. -.- And i was like WTF there la. Zzz.

Then at night, i feel damn bored and then my father decided to take me and my bro back. Midnight driving. It was cool, though a little scary. I mean, although my father didn't drink, it was still 11.15pm and there is this long long road full of sharp bends and all that. I was quite worried that i kept my eyes wide awake and on the road ahead for the whole time until he was out of that long long road of bends. And i fell into a rather deep sleep.

Next time i woke up was 12.45am, coming back close to singapore already. We reached home at 1.15am. 2 hours drive only. Haha. And i slept at 4am. Zzz so i was hell tired when i woke up at 12pm today. Went out to the library to return the book that was due today. Though it was raining, i still had to go. And the thing is, once i stepped up the bus, the rain actually stopped right then. And the best thing is, i actually forgot to bring the book out. So much trouble for nothing. Stupid girl -.-

Don't knw how to do my math ws. And i left all my chem notes in school man, can't do my assignment. But everything else is done! I feel accomplished. LOLL (:

连吊着秋千的铁链都可以断掉, 更何况是牵着这份感情那细细的一条线. 早就已断了, 随风消失不见. 坚决会忘记, 我就一定会. 为什么还要记得这份心碎, 我就让它也随风不见.

2007-04-14T13:01:00.000+08:00

I realised i could have gone for training today. If only my mother would tell me that we're not leaving until like 3pm. Freak. Feel damn conned, why is my brother allowed to stay while i have to go? It's so stupid. I have better things to do.

That's nice for a change.

2007-04-13T22:56:00.000+08:00

Nope, there isn't any random picture to start off my post today because my handphone battery died on me halfway back home. Well, not like anybody cares anyway.

Suffering from post-NAPFA aches. Screwed up my chinese speech. SS went alright. Lessons after break were totally torturous. I don't knw im so restless after break today. I felt like i was practically going mad. I can't stand the long long hours of lessons after break. I think sylvia must have thought i was damn irritating and noisy beside her. Making so much noise and doing retarded things to keep from banging things on the table. Totally went nuts. Ah well, sorry ):

After school, couldn't attend training. Because i was dumb enough to forget my pe tee. I stoned for 3 straight hours, i was bored close to tears. I totally understand how some felt during trainings without anything to do. Or maybe im just not in the right state of mind today. Waited hell long for 97 to come, ended up taking 51 again. Reached home at like 8.30pm. And im very, very tired now. Plus the fact that my handphone battery died on me halfway through the 45min ride didn't help at all. Zzz..

Going to m'sia tmr to celebrate my grnadmother's 71st birthday. And this happens to be a weekend with most hw due on monday. Damn it.

I don't understand why sometimes...when im feeling perfectly alright that every single one out of my 248 contacts on MSN would ignore me like im not there for the whole night... And at times when im feeling like shit, and people start bothering me. Worse still, with rubbish and whatnot. I'm not exactly feeling entertaining or motivational can. If anything, i probably need motivation the most. Now i knw why people like to appear offline.

----

Why is everyone always talking about turning back time? To right a wrong, to change the way it was? Of course, everyone have regrets in their lives at one point or another, and it's just human enough to want to correct this regret. And yes, im one of them who wished i could turn back time. But i want to do that not to change anything in my life now. No, i want to turn back time to experience what i went through again. Maybe if it's good enough, leave it there and not come back.

But hey, the spoiler is that i can't turn back time. So stop dreaming about it already. I guess my life is still good enough. & i don't bother no more. Though i don't exactly knw, i don't wish to either. To say the least, it feels good not to bother.

2007-04-12T22:22:00.000+08:00

走了这么远, 前面还有很长的路等着我走, 而我也要无怨无悔地走完. 累了就该停顿一下, 回想一下, 我想真的可以慢慢忘记. 毕竟休息是为了走更长远的路, 我不会让自己失望.

Didn't update yesterday because i was really busy with the CID proposal. Today was...another bad day? Ohwell. Was feeling especially bored the whole day because sylvia went for SYF. Had CID presentation today. Our presentation was rather lousy i suppose. But im quite happy with the product nonetheless. Lessons were random all the way, as usual.

After school, went to chapel for the official table tennis handover meeting. The new committee is alright i guess. Ohwell nvm... And what the! I'm the treasurer?! It's totally out of the blue and i was damn shocked. And of course i wasn't the least bit interested in the treasurer's post considering what i could have been. But ohwell, it's not like anyone has any damn choice. So,

RVTT exco 2007/2008:
Captain: Sherry
Vice-captain: Junhao
Treasurer: ...
CIP rep: Yeejin
PT coordinator: Edmund

Hopefully this committee would really bring rvtt to greater heights uh...

Went for math remedial from 3-4pm. Couldn't concentrate at all for today's remedial lesson. The worksheet which i could have finished in an hour under normal circumstances, wasn't even half done after 1 hour. I guess bad mood really clouds thinking. Couldn't complete it because we had to go for NAPFA test 5 items today. Talking about the test, maybe it was the only thing which made me feel a little better. Everything improved except shuttle run. Zzz the hall is damn slippery la.

Only thing worth mentioning was my inclines, as usual. Did a 51 this time round. But that stupid person in charge went and deducted 1 from it so im left with 50. Zzz. But well, guess im satisfied with it. NAPFA 2007: 6 'A's, 30 marks. Gold.

And went back to the class to find that our royal table cloth was freaking gone. And so we figured it must have been that girl who came and asked to borrow it. Apparently she thought i gave her the green light when i did not and so resulting in me practically screaming in people's ears. We got it back eventually. And i finally went home, after much hoo-ha.

Doing hw now..good thing. There's chem test tmr but hell, i don't want to care la. Damn tired from last night's proposal chiong-ing. And anyway, thanks matthias for staying up with me for the night and encouraging me for today's 5 items! (:

Ohyes, Congrats to Concert Band for The Gold! It's already of very high standard according to sylvia, so continue to jiayou! (:

2007-04-10T22:15:00.000+08:00

Woke up at 4am today for no apparent reason and i feel tired. Nothing to do having woken up so early, i left for school 10 minutes earlier than my usual time. Decided to take 97 instead of 100. I reached je mrt at 6am and the bus interchange looks so...dead today. Either i haven't been there for too long or it really seemed lifeless to me. And i got on the 97 with extremely little rvians. All the better still. I wasn't in a sociable enough mood to start saying hellos to people i knw. Yeah im in a bad mood everyday. Ohwell.

School started off badly. I don't even knw what rubbed me the wrong way today that i was in a bad mood most of the time. I was practically just grumbling throughout the day... On time for chem prac today at least...

So as expected, Miss Chia talked to us about the incident and some other matters about the class. And this time, the whole thinking was different. Some really felt bad. Some cried. I never thought our teachers like Mr Liu and Mr Tan were so protective over us. The fact that it is obvious we were the ones at fault but Mr Liu thought it was his problem. I felt really, really bad, because i knw as we all knw as well, that we took the niceness of the teachers for granted. Don't deny because it is obvious. Dragging the deadline for hw just because we knw the particular teacher doesn't scold...

And i just thought of what Gohsm told us at the start of the year. 'This is only the third week, it's not like it's the third month, why can't you all hand in hw?" And from then till now, even until the third month, fourth even, i still see this situation happening over and over again. And she didn't even complain, though im sure she's one of the teachers who always receive her work late from us and had also extended a few deadlines. Although her punishments were severe, and i complain abaout them. But come to think of it. It's all fair. And tkc too, although i really dislike him and stuff but you can't deny that he's being nice by not complaining. Considering we are late for every of his lessons until only recently.

It totally, totally cracked me up.

I just hope 3H had woken up after Miss Chia spoke to us.. I really hope there will be improvements and not get ourselves into such troubles anymore.

----

First it was -. And then i lost my chance to lead too. Now i lose my own faith in the class. And i don't even get what im supposed to. I totally want to give up, and why not i might as well. There's nothing left for me to lose anymore. Everything is gone. Everything.

It's really hard putting on that smile everyday.

2007-04-09T22:23:00.000+08:00

黑夜降临, 又一片忧伤的宁静...

Cold war with my father, ever since two days ago till now. And i think im doing a good job of acting like i don't give a damn. This feeling just sucks.

Really bad day. First i started off with waking up 25 minutes later than usual. Considering i slept at 11pm last night, i don't knw how i still managed to oversleep. Then i missed a bus, missed a train, causing me reach school later than usual too. On my everyday route from the school gate to the staff room to get the management diary then back to the classroom, i was hoping i don't see any familiar faces. I wasn't feeling particularly friendly. But no such luck, i had to plaster a smile and wave to at least 3 people before getting back into the class.

Chem practical. My main cause of misery for the day. I really cannot be sure whether there was chem practical today, in fact nobody could be sure when we were only told on tuesday. It is a 6 day interval between then and now and i really cannot confirm whether there is chem practical. Thanks Jianlong for running up twice to check for me. And then i had to wait for the whole class to clear before i went there myself. So, im the last person who reached, and so, i was the one who got scolded. Shouted and reprimanded at fiercely, no less. And my mood was rotten for the rest of the day. Thank that guy people, thank him. I was giving all my attitude, all my blackest face. Why care anymore? I've tried so hard to hide up my attitude problems, controlled them infront of the teachers, but what do some of them still think?

I have no more reason to be a nice little girl who says yes to every teachers' requests. What i've been working for is gone. There is no purpose. So why bother?!

We were told to stay back in the class after school for that guy to come and receive another round of lecture from him. And he really did come, wasted 50 minutes of my time. So obviously pin-pointing chairpersons and chem rep, but claiming that he isn't. Yes, everything he has scolded about is totally correct. He did nothing wrong, because i would have done it myself someday. But did he have that right to flip through our class management diary, and mock at the people whose names were recorded inside? I think the people who got recorded before does not have to bear this humiliation, it is not part of the punishment.

And yes, i feel very bad for the class. I feel pissed, in any case. I knw all the things i could have done to prevent hat happened today from happening, but i did not do them. It was a failure in my duties and i do blame myself. And we're going to receive another round of scoldings from Miss Chia soon. Considering that guy complained to her right before us.

After that guy left, i gave the class another lashing. I was thouroughly pissed off, at that guy, at myself, at the class. The learning attitude of the class really sucks, and including myself, i ain't exactly an academical role model. But most importantly, i felt unworth fo our class for being put down so badly just because we were late for chem practical. I felt so unworth i just cracked. Of course, still acting like nothing happened. Especially people like Jianlong. If being too kind to volunteer and check the chem lab for me is called kaypoh, then what is nosing through our class affairs with no particular business called? Pure moral injustice? Nevertheless, i still thank Jianlong for helping me check the lab. And sorry for dragging you down in this matter.

Maybe im really not a good enough leader to keep the class out of trouble. Maybe im just not exemplary enough in my actions to be a good role model. Maybe the class don't even bother about what i have told them and whether or not they are scolded. Because most of the time, they are not the ones being scolded. It's not like im a newbie at this. I knw how to handle such circumstances. But sometimes it's just difficult to hide up my emotions when im being blamed for everything i didn't do. I feel the scoldings i get are so unfair when sometimes i am just being over-protective of the class.

I could have walked off myself to the lab first. I could have not been the last and get scolded. In fact i was like the first one who was ready and stood at the door waiting. But i chose to stay and wait for everyone to go first before i went. No, im not trying to say im being very noble here. No. I stayed because i have the duty to make sure everyone leaves the class and i will be behind the queue. I'll make sure everyone is there, at the lab before me. It's between being on time or doing my duty as a chairperson. Either way, i'll still lose something.

Why i got so pissed off and scolded the class is also because of this. The speed of moving is ever so slow. This incident has only proven Miss Chia right, that we'll get into trouble sooner or later. And the reason why im so over-protective, of course in other words strict is only because this way the class can stay out of trouble, and to prove Miss Chia wrong, that 3H is a class which has self-discipline, enough to keep ourselves out of complaints and stuff at least. I just want to be able to prove to her that we'd be different, we'll not be like what she thought. And all that went down the drain today. Looks like Miss Chia had overestimated my leadership qualities.

It's only because i really wish 3H will do ourselves good that i'd be so mean to all of you. Maybe im just a lousy leader after all. I just hope they'd understand and realise.

----

Can things really get better, why do they seem like the downturn will go on and on. Looks like it's long gotten over, looks like im just the one who's still stuck at the exact same place. Like i can't move out of it even when i've tried so hard. Didn't i tell to her face that if she have the courage to confess tonight then i'd have the courage to talk to you tonight, to make the first move after so long? And she did it. So where did all my courage go? Down the drain together with my hopes for the class? It certainly seems like it.

Are you waiting for the first move too or you simply don't care anymore?

2007-04-08T17:54:00.000+08:00

雨一直下, 为什么最近的雨不停下. 越看越是心痛, 越看越是难受...

我受不了他了, 完完全全的受不了... 我已不再是害怕你发了疯一样对我狂吼的女儿, 我也已经是一个会为自己想的人... 我不再害怕你手持的藤鞭, 不再害怕你对我说出那种伤人的话... 如果你还不知道, 我不管你高兴不高兴, 要骂要打就请便, 但不要以为我还会怕. 不管你说要下什么命令, 什么惩罚, 我都已经不管了...

不是我叛逆, 不听你说的话, 但是你好象忘了, 我已经是一个十五岁的人了... 不管是女生与否, 我都有自己的想法, 自己做事的方式... 我也没有背着你做了什么伤天害理的事. 我受不了你这种过于闲置的爱我的方式, 我也不喜欢你每回对我说出极为看不起我的话. 如果这是你爱我的方式, 不如还是换一种吧.

你也许不会懂我为什么会在这里像发了疯一样的写我讨厌你. 不, 你错了. 我并不是无知的笨蛋, 我知道这是你爱我的方式, 但我就是受不了... 我真的告诉自己无数次有多么恨你, 一次一次你说出的话都让我听了心痛. 但你永远只看到我不以为然的那一面, 因为我选择不让你看到我流泪的样子... 其实我真得很在意你怎么看我, 我也很透了你那样说我. 不管是为了激发我的斗志或否, 我都恨透了. 真得恨透了...

很遗憾, 我会说出这样的话相信你也明白我累积下来的痛. 我拒绝再相信你爱我, 因为在你的冷嘲热讽背后我感受不到所谓的爱. 你从来都不知道我多么在意你怎么看我...从来都不会了解...

心是彻彻底底的痛.

2007-04-07T14:36:00.000+08:00

Didn't update because of class outing which ended rather late, and i reached home thoroughly exhausted to find that my comp was hogged by my father. So i could only wait till now before i could blog. Don't worry, im not giving a 3000 word account of what had happened yesterday like what Sharmie intends. I'm not that hardcore yet, so i'll just blog about anything i remember along the way (:

And so, i woke up at 10.15am, stared at the clock for a moment before realising that i had to meet with the class in 45 minutes time. And then i remembered i turned my hp alarm off at 8.45am -.- And i was late for 10min. First few i saw was Jianlong and Chentao before i went to jec macs to meet with the rest of the girls. The guys went off to play lan long before the girls met.

So, we went up to kbox to find a long queue and many reluctant classmates who didn't want to go in and sing. That queue plus that reluctantness was seriously pissifying but thank god we still managed to go in. Only me, Sylvia, Xinyu, Yanyi, Sharmie and Silin went. It was really awkward at the start but well, because we had to make the atmosphere high enough so everyone would dare to sing, Yanyi kindly made the sacrifice of singing first. By the song "Get High" everyone was indeed already very high and singing our hearts out. And i can't believe they sabotaged me to solo like so many songs for them! Zzz i feel conned -.- But ohwell Sylvia and Yanyi solo-ed a song each too! Their singing was really good and i must say i enjoyed myself.

Though halfway felt abit sianned because i was told the rest of the people didn't have anything left to do and they were feeling sian so we can't sing till 4pm and had to leave at 3pm. Kind of spoiler but no choice, we left around 3.20pm to meet with the rest of the class to go IMM for purchase of our BBQ food. But sadly, my hp battery died on me and i had to go back to change my battery. And i realised that everyone's hp was running low on batt yesterday -.-

Was told to wait for Sylvia and Jieren at Bukit Batok MRT station. And i waited for like 15min? And saw alot of people like MM phyllis. LOL. And then, the spoiler of the day came: my father's call. Oh man, wtf, it totally spoilt my mood for the rest of the day. First, he demanded to knw why i wasn't back home then (it was only 5pm) and i explained that i already informed my mother i was going to a class outing today which my mother, conveniently denied knwing anything. And then, he said he needs my help for typing of a document, and i was super dudiao, can't my two brothers help? He called just to tell me to go home and help him type a document? It sounded really ridiculous to me and i got really pissed off. And then my father started screaming at me when Sylvia and Jieren came. After awhile i just hung up the phone, it's not like i cared. And i followed them into west mall to buy a slice of cake for both Elijah and Jieren (to celebrate their birthdays in advance) and walked a very big round before reaching the place of our BBQ.

Upon arrival, saw most of the guys gone and the rest of the girls cam-whoring. And of course, a few very kindly helping to start the fire for our BBQ. So after venting my anger out to anyone who would listen, i went and cam-whored with them. LOL. Quite a few random pictures. And some which cannot be posted! =x Aha. And our star of the day was Jianlong!

Jianlong with his hands covered with soot. Nice pose =D

Him advertising some ponies in giant!

Look at his face! xD

Doesn't this look like a family portrait? xP

Sylvia and Kristie (:

Me and Kristie (:

Yanyi and Me (:

Running partner; Sharmie! (:

Sinyee(s)! (:

Me and Sylvia; Sistas (:

Girls by the slide (:

And we waited and waited and waited some more for the fire. It took really long and didn't really eat much. I was busy getting the quite-cooked nuggets and seaweed chicken for Sharmie and Kristie. The rest just played around by the playground. The fire took really long to start up, i wonder what to anticipate for our class chalet BBQ =x

Around 10pm, my parents called me to tell me to go home. But because nobody wanted to go home, i didn't want to leave first. Furthermore, it was dark. Then after about 15min, Sharmie, Jonathan and Simon left with us. Along the way to the MRT station, they were argueing whether to alight at Tiong Bahru or Commonwealth MRT. Sounds like two children bickering xD Then Jiachen and Vincent joined us too. Was a lonely bus ride back home but thankfully, i didn't fall asleep because i was standing. If not i think i would have overshot my stop again. Walking along the dark streets back home alone is quite fun. Quiet and still, unlike the usual times. But i seldom get to go home around this time. And i finally reached home at 11.15pm.

When i reached home, received an sms from Jieren telling all of us to sms him when we got home and signed off as 'Concern from welfare reps'! Woah, that is so touching. We never had such smses in 2C. LOL.

Stayed up until like 2.30am watching some horror movie on TV. Until i can't stand it anymore and fell asleep on the couch. Overall, this outing was still okay. Not exactly very successful, the BBQ was a failure but well, we gain experience through this failure and hopefully will secceed the next time round. Nevertheless, thanks to people like Sylvia, Jieren, Sweecheng, Melvin and Wanglie in the help of the fire or for the outing. And of course, thanks to everyone who attended the outing. 3H is really a rather enthusiastic class which is good..Very good. (:

Last but not least,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SHIBIN & ELIJAH! (:

2007-04-06T12:28:00.000+08:00

Zzz im like freaking tired now. Lessons were boring today, so i shall skip them. After school 3H went to the Art House @The Old Parliament. Whee, it is a super nice place! We went this movie screening room where we were shown like this short clip on a tour around the arts house. And i kept scaring sylvia with alot of ghost crap. Haha. Then our class were split into 2 groups - boys and girls and were brought around the arts house.

The place is really interesting, especially the chamber. We all got to pose as cabinet ministers for teachers to take photos. I also took some rather funny photos with my handphone camera. But i shall not post them (because im too lazy to upload! =x) We were released from city hall at around 5.30pm and we went to marina square for dinner. And me, sylvia, sharman, xinyu, jieren, sweecheng and wanglie took 97 from marina all the way back to je! And i reached home at 9pm. Wow.

& tmr's our first hapsburg outing! Kbox in the morning then BBQ at junhao's place until night! Whee. So looking forward to it (:

No need to worry because i think about you more than you think i do. We are the ones who are acting like strangers... There's a place for everyone in our hearts and no one shall be forgotten. Including you.

2007-04-04T22:17:00.000+08:00

Didn't update yesterday because i was dead beat and quite busy (not with homework =x) to update. Reason enough? Ohwell. Anyway yesterday was kind of crazy. After 2.4km run, thought pe would be slack. Then because we were late, we were punished with 40 push-ups and 4 rounds around the damn track. I seriously think tkc was PMS-ing yesterday. LOLL. For the 2+ years he had taken my class, he had never raised his voice before. But he was practically screaming at 3H yesterday. So we ran 10 rounds in 2 days. Madness.

So today, woke up with muscle cramps in my triceps, shoulders and legs. Argh, pure torture walking up/down steps today. And i cannot even raise my arms right up or anything. This is crap. Anyway lessons were boring. Chinese lesson, for once, i felt that it was alright. Then physics was abit sian. Gohsm has a sexy voice today. LOL. Don't knw why so long liao her sore throat haven't recover. And math was as usual. PDP became a class meeting for class outing this friday - GOOD FRIDAY! Aha, sure it would be very fun because the people in 3H are rather enthusiastic.

Finally handed up my article for e-mag. Zzz tmr is physics reading and writing test, and i think im going to flunk it damn badly. Sometimes they really can't blame us for not doing well for tests. They take such things into account, which i fail to see has anything to do with physics at all. I mean, HELLO, the Paul's wheel of reasoning is going to help me get me 'A's for 'A' levels? Don't kid me larh. Hell, i think not right. Waste time, waste efforts. Zzz what's the point man.

And tmr is the last day of the week! We're going to go old parliament house after school for learning journey. It's fun time with 3H plus form&co-form (: Thinking of joining the museum guide thingy. I'm quite interested in the nationl archives one. But then this year i like got too much committments already...scared cannot handle. Ahh..think it over somemore first.

Ohyes, Congrats to CO for The Gold with Honours! (:

2007-04-02T23:33:00.000+08:00

Had 2.4km run today, omg i wasn't mentally prepared for it at all. Then just went and ran with sharman. Endurance did the job, 13.04min. Although not very good, but felt that i have tried hard enough, so shall be satisfied with it. And im so relieved that the run's finally over! 5 items next thursday, after that then no stress.

Then felt like dying when i downed a whole bottle of pink dolpin on an empty stomach. Zzz, don't ever do that, you'll regret it like hell. Chem lesson was mrteo again. Didn't listen at all. And all the lessons were random random until music. Music was rather fun, but i realised that my oordination sucks alot. Ohwell. After school still need to attend some stupid culture thing, waste my time.

Then i went home with peiqi and then nothing happened liao. LOL.

我不喜欢别人拿我和其他人比较

----

那是一种无法隐藏的失望。就因为几个人, 让我失去了这个让我发光且期待已久的机会。就因为这样, 机会就这样擦肩而过。

现在只想有你陪, 可是我好像又忘了, 你已不在身边。

这一天里就哭尽了所有的眼泪.

2007-04-01T19:57:00.000+08:00

April fools' day. Nothing special probably because it's a weekend. Just went out to bai4 my grandfather. Basically did nothing there, except rot with my brothers while the adults did most of the work. And i was trying to do my physics assignment 3 there. But i feel so useless, i cannot even complete a single question without my brother's help. This is really ridiculous isn't it? What the hell is the problem with me? I'm only on page 4 out of 10 of the assignment now, think i can like forget about finishing.

Oh yes, i still have my math questions which i left undone to do my physics assignment first. Zzz... and i just remembered i was supposed to hand in a piece of module assignment on friday, which i somehow forgot to. Of course, i haven't even done it yet, and i have no idea how exactly im going to finish it by tonight either.

Sometimes i just so feel like giving up when i finally get down and face the hw squarely in the face. It really makes me wonder how i first got into RV, a seemingly good school. It makes me feel like rubbish. 2.4km run on tuesday, which im so going to flop in. I think i don't even have the speed nor stamina to keep up with sharman anymore. Just got to let my 'A' and my full marks slip away once again. And this fact makes me feel even more like crap. If endurance can do the work alone, i'll gladly pull myself through. And it's too late to even try and train anymore.

Zzz...i feel like im back in the emo phase. But it doesn't matter anyway. I don't even care if im emo or not anymore. Because nobody else cares too. So why bother? If being emo makes me feel good (i think this sounds rather sadistic) then i shall just go ahead and be emo. Nobody can interfere or stop me anymore. Nobody. And when everyone else don't give a damn anymore, i don't see why i should.

I tried to make myself happy everyday, but i can just say it's really difficult to maintain this attitude. It's simply short-lived as it is and i can't do anything about it. Why the hell do i even care to try. It's not like anyone bothers yknw. Yeah, give it up. I'll forget about being happy because it's such a goddamn chore. I'll forget about the promise, which doesn't even matter at all. I'll just go back and be someone who is a pathetic idiot with emo posts. I bet even you don't care anymore. I'm so sorry if you don't like that. You can jolly well get lost and don't come back. Then i'll just have to wait till everyone gets sick and tired and leaves, then i'll have a deserted blog all to myself which saves me the trouble of creating another hidden blog.

Eh. I think im out of my mind. Things will turn out fine, because they always do. What a spoiler to everything. Zzz i obviously need time to chill before i go nuts. Sorry people, don't waste your time on my rubbish posts anymore.

2007-04-01T01:54:00.000+08:00

It's a new day yet again (considering that it's already pass 1200), and yesterday was spent unproductively, doing nothing but that few math questions. I'm surprised i actually attempted math first. Normally it would be left to the last or even not done at all. I just hope my math results in the mid-year exams don't disappoint me too much. I should worry more for physics, considering i don't even knw how to draw a velocity time graph and acceleration time graph. Pathetic. Chem is alright except for the bonding part. And i don't even dare to think about chinese. Zzz..don't think im keeping my 'A' for history too. Arghh looks like im out to fail again.
Maybe it's time for a slow person like me to start revision for mid-years already.

Going to be owl-ing tonight (or this morning) to complete some homework and make up for some lost time. Considering the house is silent apart from my typing and the music on the player, hopefully i can finish up math and do my physics (overdue) assignment 3 and chinese tmr. But i doubt i can do much tmr anyway, since my parents are bringing us all to bai4 my grandfather... So long since he'd passed away and this is the first time im going to bai4 him, and only because of Ching Ming. Zzz im an unfilial granddaughter. So all the more i must try and complete more work by the time i go and sleep. So, uh, i also don't knw why am i still here typing away...

Don't knw what's the problem with me these few days. Getting very upset over some very small matters, or even nothing at all. I don't even knw what is it that made me upset, or am i just being emo again. This is so frustrating, i can't concentrate half of the time. Just kept staring, and staring... at that strip of highlight... Just got to accept it and move on. Everything's still going to turn out alright at the end, im sure it would be, only if i will just let loose and continue on with my life. Or is it that i still refuse to believe? Didn't allow the fact to sink into my brain and realise that it is gone, for real?

I just hope i would stop acting like this big pathetic idiot. I'm supposed to be a strong girl, i knw it, you knw it. It's just my character, just in me, something which i cannot change, at least not that easily. I'm wasn't a born pessimist, i used to tell people to look on the bright side like optimists do. But now all i do is say that there is no bright side. It's just what life does that made me a pessimist. And what is so bad about it? I'd have anticipated the worse, everything bad would have been expected. So at least i would say 'i knew it would turn out like this' instead of 'i never knew it would be this bad'.

Well actually im already considered a very lucky person. I'm born with a normal body structure, without handicaps, fully functioning vision and hearing etc. No hereditary illness, not weak, not disabled in any way at all. And also, a strong character, a strong mind (or at least i act like i have a strong mind), and stronger physical abilities to do better in sports than aesthetics. So why am i still a pessimist when i seem to have such a perfect life? Well, i don't knw myself. Maybe having one-too-many friendship problems since young had taught me that the friends are not forever like how they always say. And that's also why i never had a best friend. You can say no one was close enough to be one, or i simply didn't let anyone be close enough. Maybe entering secondary school, exposed to all kinds of people and the tainted world had taught me that the human heart is always scheming for its own benefits and that no one could really be trusted. Maybe after my 14+ years of life, i have seen enough people who backstabbed, badmouthed to knw the fact that true friends are really so rare, that im afraid to even think what i would face in the adult world.

I've been unpredictable since young and little knew what i was thinking most of the time. I never really let anyone get close enough to knw me well enough to be a best friend. And so far maybe less than 3 people i really consider as people whom i can trust, people who aren't fair-weathered friends, people who have proven themselves to me over time. People who deserve me opening up and sharing more. Friends i have many, true friends even i myself don't knw. Many people have told me i could always rely on them, but how many really stayed with me through the most dificult emotional turmoils, i can count on one hand. I never had any best friend, and what did it feel like? Well, nothing. I don't knw how having a best friend feels like as well. I could get really close with someone but s/he would still not be a best friend. And there's no reason for it. I've seen too many friendships which changed. Friends come and go in our lives, no one really left footprints behind... Maybe i must really thank the people whom i really trust, which currently have been reduced to a pathetic 1 or 2?

Being strong-willed can get so tiring sometimes. Just like to act like everything's alright when obviously they are not. Just like to keep everything to oneself until the mind can't withstand more of such stress. Why am i someone like this? People can ask, but i can only say, it's my character. I'm not someone who cry easily, at least not infront of others. People say that tears are a sign of weakness. But no, i beg to differ. Because they are not, they are not a weakness, they are the bravery of daring to express yourself when you're sad/happy. It is a sign of letting go of your emotions. No, it's not a weakness. I'm someone who is stubborn enough to think crying infront of others is something embarrasing. But behind that perfect smiling mask, lies another scarred heart which never shedded a tear in presence of others (other than losing competitions). I'm still yet another person after all.

Just cry when you feel like it. There's nothing wrong at all.

Oh such long random crap. Congrats if you managed to read till this far. Well, done with some random self-analysis, time for hw...

& I'm supposed to be strong.

2007-03-31T15:41:00.000+08:00

Sometimes i just have to think. Thinking wise, not academically sadly. Thinking about other things, alot of things. Some general some personal some just random rubbish. From young i thought about alot of things which now i find childish and ridiculous. Being idle, i just have too much time to think and think about the things i didn;t have any explanation for and why things are like the way they are.

But now i think about things which affect me. Brood over things like results and things which might not be important at all. Sometimes i think i have too much time to spare. Rather than doing homework, im actually stoning and thinking of such useless things. If only i think as much academic wise, i would have been a whiz kid or something. LOL.

&yknw what i've been thinking for so long? How everything could be different if something did or did not happen. How everything could be different. But of course nothing could be reverted, wrongs could not be righted. It really is not as easy as it seems, cos i've tried so hard. But i still do think.

Seems like things have reverted back to the start. When i always see you online but never talked. Just maybe now, it's for a different reason. Don't we use to talk everyday, what changed this? The faint blue highlight is forever on your display name, it was always there everytime i signed in. Just didn't double click on it and start something. Just didn't exactly dare to. Just waiting every time to see if you might be the one to start something. Time and again i signed off with nothing at all. I knw that things are different but i didn't knw it would turn out this bad.

2007-03-30T23:00:00.000+08:00

Lessons today were totally boring. Lessons after break were totally killers. Maybe only physics passed very fast. Gohsm lost her voice and we were told to copy answers for reading and writing for the whole period. She actually released us 10min early. Miraculous. Anyway she stay also can't do anything because she got no voice and can't teach. lol.

Then had cca selection, rather chaotic because damn many people were there. Results will only be out on tuesday. Then we trained awhile and i played match with jingzhan and szefan. Won one lost one =x. Ohwell~ Then me, sherry, zhijun and peiqi went to jp for zhijun to look for her stuff. And peiqi's sis joined us for awhile then they went off. After zhijun's dinner we went home. And my father got bu shuang again because i reached home late. Stupid. There's no way i will reach very early back home anyway.

----

Feel so pissed, so tired of this. Does it really matter that much? Obviously not, it doesn't matter at all. The problem's all with me, it's always with me. I thought i managed to not bother about it anymore. But of all the hopes and faith i've been given, i got back to that stage where it matters, alot. And so now, i'll just have to learn that this is really not the most important thing of all. Apparently i've just thought too highly of myself when im just nth.

& is that really too much to ask for. I thought all was explained for. What's your problem? What's my problem? I'm so bloody sick of all this rubbish. If this is the way, then fine. I shall leave it this way and not care anymore. Fine. I don't give a damn anymore. If you are so insistent about it. Fine. Everything doesn't matter anymore, i suppose.

Do everything the way everyone wants it. I'm frustrated of all this, sick of all that and very very tired of everything that's happening. I don't, and never wish to care anymore. Is it just me, or the bloody problem with everyone else?

I guess it's me then.

2007-03-29T22:42:00.000+08:00

500th Post.

Finally it's thursday, tmr's going to be the end of the week! Today was okay, though alot of lessons but all were fine luckily. Did a nice candle during CID lesson today (: Missed out quite alot of things in the session i was gone for tournament, now must catch up with proposal and stuff.

After school had class meeting. It went alright, decided class tee now waiting for design from our three impt designers: sylvia, sharman and candy! Then carried on with math remedial. Was alright too, finished the ws in about 50min then went off to wait for sharman and xinyu. Then took 99 back home with xinyu and i overshot my stop again =x.

Selection for captain tmr already. Wow, time really flies. Don't want to sound cliche but really, was like awhile ago peiqi became the new captain only. And was saying that our batch's selection was still far far away. But look at now, it's just tmr. Thinking that now we'd be the oldest batch of seniors, the time i was saying long ago would come. And now it's here. What'd it be like..i really wonder.

Okay ttime to do a bit of work =x

2007-03-28T21:43:00.000+08:00

A very tiring wednesday. When's friday going to come... Haix, feeling damn sian and so slack. Why can't i just bring myself to do the few homework due tmr... Okay i definitely will do the homwork after this post. I will i will.

Had class leaders' investiture today. Nothing much just those last minute changes screwed alot of arrangements and stuff up. And i was sitting at the 3A seat instead of 3H. And i don't have a whatever 'fanclub' because obviously nobody cheered whatsoever for me. Because im a bad leader. Ohwell. Felt so sleepy during lessons, and i catch no ball three-quarter of the time today. Don't ask me why, i don't knw what's the problem with me too.

Module was like a ohmygod. Keep copying of notes until we were all groaning. And it released 30min late. Went back to class and found sharman and vincent and some other people. And waited for them to finish hw. And they took so damn long man omg. Then the uncle cae to lock the classrooms but he claimed that we broke in because he already locked it. =.= Sweecheng and sharman were in there like the whole time, how to lock =.= Ohwell then we took 51 and went home.

So tired now. But must at least complete my owe-damn-long assignment 2 and math first. Zzz

----

And i searched all of my memories, trying hard to recall. But it just struck me that it probably didn't happen at all. It's not me.

2007-03-27T22:13:00.000+08:00

Didn't update again yesterday. Well, also nothing much to say bah, just that it's really all over. We lost to PLMGS. Out from nationals top 8. We'll be back again next year, definitely, just wait and see. After match yesterday we all went out for dinner at harbourfront and we took a nice picture!

Left to right: Zhijun, Pearly, Sherry, Rousi. Of course im the camera man. So im not in there. Ohwell.

Today's pe was crazy (for me). Did 5 sets of 400m below 2min. Zzz i hate intervals, damn tiring. First two rounds still okay, then third round lagged, fourth round a little better and last round abit better. After that just felt like dying. I can't believe napfa 2.4km run is next monday. Like why don't you just kill me.

Then was lessons all the way, chem prac was rather fun. Then after school got no training. But stay back to self train. So also nothing much. Me zhijun and sherry trained pearly and rousi today. And they are PRO now, so don't play play! LOLL.

Yes, and there's module tmr. Going to die soon. Argh. I don't knw why my parents never fail to piss me off every single day at home. Sometimes i just hate them so much.

& just when are you going to let me forget the hate. I just hope you'll knw when to be quiet and simpy shut up.

2007-03-26T05:17:00.000+08:00

Probably the first time im blogging so early at 5plus before school. Well, don't knw what made me turn on the computer when i woke up today, just felt like it. Or is that it? And at 5.15am, only SmarterChild is online. This thing is probably online forever anyway.

It will all be over after we play PLMGS today. I'm probably going to screw up again.

2007-03-25T20:23:00.000+08:00

First, to all 2C'06 people reading (if any), please note that the class blog url was also cocked up (by blogger) and the new link is this: http://2complicated06.blogspot.com. Remember to relink please, thanks.

Alright. Didn't really do much homework today. Went to the library and tried to do some physics but hell, im just stuck. LA speech not crafted nor perfected. All the impromptu inspirations i sprouted to xinyu in the library yesterday just decided to leave me and not come back. -Sigh- Feeling helpless...

Really quite glad that i'd finally started to do homework, but this is hardly enough. I've got much catching up to do, hopefully i'll be able to.

PLMGS tmr. I think the outcome really doesn't matter anymore. Jiayou all 'C' and 'B' girls for tmr.

----

虽然开始就没奢望会有什么结果, 就是我迟迟不敢对你说的原因. 但突然有了希望却又突然结束, 这种心痛你明白吗? 我知道这都不是谁的错, 不是我的怎么强迫到最后也不会属于我.

真得很难过, 但还是要接受, 谢谢你给过的感动... 可以做最要好的朋友, 拥有最美好的回忆, 也许已经足够了...我希望你也会快乐...

过去的就已经是过去, 不要担心, 我会学着放开的...

回忆...我会保留那段最感人的回忆...

2007-03-25T00:54:00.000+08:00

哭过真的很累。

2007-03-24T15:27:00.000+08:00

Was feeling very very tired this morning at 6.15am when i woke up to go for CIP in school. Didn't really want to go, but still decided to drag myself out of bed. Shouldn't have went, because there wasn't CIP today. Wasted 1+ hour of my time waiting for anyone in charge to open the door to the library, but well, 8am came and gone and still no one came. Paged for teachers, no one there. And so we concluded: there is no CIP today. Everyone let's go give yanyi a slap each on monday. LOL.

Well, the boys went to play bball while most of the girls wanted to stay back for the drama lesson. Xinyu and i went off by ourselves to jec for uh, breakfast since it was only 9.30am. And then we went to the library and sat at the cafe. I've actually done homework. Wow. And got my inspiration for english speech. Alot of messy ideas floating around my mind, need to sort them out and organise it into a speech. I hope i don't offend people with it. And thanks to sherry for that little interview.

And then i came home early and my parents were damn shocled because i reached home at 2pm. =.= You knw something damn funny and ridiculous? My parents actually think i got a boyfriend. Like HAHAHA! Just because i don't want to let my father to drive me to school and i always reach home late. Like lame please. I reach home late because of tournament, trainings and stuff larh. What boyfriend, super dudiao.

Homework:
1. Language Arts speech (half done)
~~2. Math handout~~
3. Jian Bao
4. Yue Du Bu Tie
5. Physics assignment 3 (I need help with assignment 2 too! Urgh.)
~~6. Chemistry worksheet~~
7. Module research

Going to finish up my speech. Whee im doing hw. LOL.

2007-03-23T22:48:00.000+08:00

Been on a short hiatus for the past two days because of schoolwork and such. So I’m back here today (because it’s the weekends – FINALLY) to blog abit about the past two days and also today. So it might be a long and boring entry ahead.

Wednesday – 21/3/07
Had a change in seating positions! Like finally! && guess what, I’m back to seating with Sylvia again with Vincent and Yuhong behind the two of us! Just like before (: We were one row behind our very first seating arrangements and also in the coldest part of the whole classroom. I got my name written down in the management diary again for physics lesson for not handing in reading and writing article 2. Zzz going to get myself into the beta form soon enough got to stop slacking! But there’s improvement, I’m actually doing homework. Ohwell.

Thursday – 22/3/07
Was match day with New Town Sec. I can only say that we had truly underestimated them, that’s why we had to put up such a tough fight in order to win. Their ‘B’ division is seriously a lot better than the ‘C’ division. Stella was first singles, she lost. But I felt she did not lose n skill, definitely not in skill but she lost in the state of mind. One thing was that jiaolian wasn’t there because he had to go to the primary school zonal match so yangling went instead. And according to Stella, jiaolian was screaming at her down the phone, which affected her a lot.

Peiqi and Shibin went next, thankfully they won their match. Set score 1-1. Zhijun was second singles, and I guess her mood was affected too. She lost her match as well. Set score 2-1. Carmen and my turn. Only one word to describe: Stressed. And I think we had good reason to be stressed too. The game now depended on the two of us. If we lost our match, it’s game over for us and we would have lost to New Town. But, if we won, we still have a set score of 2-2 for Sherry to fight it out with the last singles.

Was really damn stressed, I screwed up a lot in the first match. But after what yangling told us, to just forget about the score and just focus on the game, think I was able to let go abit. Eventually, RV and New Town had a screaming match between each other. Everytime we won a ball, the RV side, juniors, seniors and all would like SCREAMING, and cheering of course. But everytime I see the ball go under the net or fly way off the edge of the table, everytime when my heart drops at this sight, the New Town side would start the screaming and cheering. To say the least, it really affected me and I couldn’t concentrate. And I actually glared at my juniors =x but well, I guessed if I were them I would scream my heart out too. We were supposed to be the people to save the game. So-called the team’s hope maybe? Well, eventually we won them though it was a tough fight.

Set score 2-2. It’s all up to sherry now. But much doubt was unnecessary as she was HOT! Completely man. Can say she thrashed the girl she was playing with. And so! RVTT won New Town Sec! PLMGS next, jiayou jiayou!

On the way back, told the juniors I really hope they will continue to be united like this because we as seniors never really, you knw, set such a good example la. Hopefully the juniors will understand ad treasure the bond between them now.

Erm okay, so I’m done for the past two days, hope you’re not bored to death already. So today! So many people absent! Kristie, Melvin, Vincent and Yuhong. Which means that my primary source of entertainment is gone. So basically, today Sylvia and I were rather attentive during lessons and just kept doing and doing everything the teacher tells us to. And we entertained ourselves during hook’s lesson! Haha. Only Sylvia will knw what I’m talking about yeah? Lessons were just like lessons and all that. Weekend homework also not really a lot.

1. Language Arts Speech. (I need inspiration! I’m first on Monday. Zzz)
2. Math handout
3. Jian Bao
4. Yue Du Bu Tie
5. Physics Assignment 3 (I still need help with Assignment 2 =x)
6. Chemistry worksheet
7. Module research

Anyway training was abit slack. But I’m still very tired. Pearly and Rousi went and acted the muahchee joke again. Piang, they make good comedians (:

Okay, think it’s really a long entry already. So that’s all. CIP tmr. I’m going to finish the last two episodes of Hana Kimi, which I got stuck at so long because of schoolwork. Tata people!

像海豚依赖海洋…

2007-03-20T23:20:00.000+08:00

Freaking pissed. I'm feeling like so freaking tired now and i can't even access my OWN GODDAMN BLOG. Go screw yourself blogger, you suck!

All thanks to that stupid tkc, my whole upper back and biceps and aching like mad to day. All thanks to his inclined training yeah. And made me run in the outermost lane today. Only one in all 34. Wtf is this.

Lost tournament with presbyterian as expected but ohwell. And i still have freaking homework to do when im feeling like dying right now larh. TMD!!! And why don't my mother understand that i have no choice, repeat, NO CHOICE on whether i play tournament or not? I totally have no freaking control over it larh! And my mother is saying as though i even had any freaking right from the start to choose to play or not. She said, 'So much homework still go play tournament.' HELLO. Try and convince me that she isn't bu shuang with my CCA okay. This is so freaking ridiculous! This is a competition! I can't come and go as i please, i need to answer to teachers, coaches, seniors whatever! I can't just walk out if i don't feel like playing right! If you don't understand then why don't you just shut up and let me do what i need to do and GET THE HELL OUT OF THE WAY?

I just feel like scolding some really really vulgar stuff and let loose all my fed up feeling. I'm through with them picking on my CCA okay, im fucking through it. I'm going to crack soon. I simply hate tournament days on any day except friday. By the time i reach home today is like close to 9pm? And im like half dead? YA HOMEWORK INDEED. LIKE I STILL GIVE A DAMN.

I find no way i can ba;ance this two right now. I just find no way, though im sure it's just me. For others, they probably finished ages ago. Module again tmr. Fucked up.

2007-03-19T21:39:00.000+08:00

Didn't get to update yesterday, was too busy trying to finish up all the holiday assignments which i did not touch at all in the whole span of the holidays but instead left it till the last minute. For myself to have a race against time. I lost, terribly. Aww... Okay larh, wasn't that bad. I managed to finish all my math assignments, including that extensively troublesome constellation exercise. All the fractions and decimals are making me damn frustrated, but i finished it anyway. I didn't complete my history essay question though, so going to hand in tmr morning. Ohwell.

Shall not blog too much about yesterday since it was mainly rushing of holiday assignments in je library with many many seniors. I don't knw why, damn many seniors turned up there yesterday, then me and zhijun seemed like the extras when it was us we reached there and did our homework there first.

Was on the very crowded bus back home...when i suddenly thought of what i was becoming. This very slack person who always doesn't do her homework. And i remembered people telling me 'thought your results in sec 1 very good...', 'then you've practically done nothing!..', 'sometimes you rather AP...', 'why you become more slack than me...' and i really was like, omg, what's happening to me... Zzz i don't want to continue about this...

First day of term 2, one term is over so fast. Well, many things happened in term 1 bah, both good and bad. One bad thing is my results and one good thing...hmm maybe i gained a rather enthusiastic and bonded class 3H? Yeah, so hopefully this new term promises better things and such. My results will hopefully get better and also, hope i would stop being so emo. Although i already said im out of emo phase, but hey, such things can't just change themselves overnight. I still think too much as always...

Today was just like any other day of school. Boring and all. PE was training for napfa test in a few weeks time. Found that my inclined pull-ups deproved by 12 and sit-ups deproved by about 10. Zzz, got to have to train more on my own now. Random, random all the way till music. Ah! Music, yes. Got that teacher again, same as last year. Oh what the hell, i seriously can't stand her stupid sarcasm which she thinks is so damn smart-alecky. Ohwells. Couldn't really give much damn to her. I'm just probably going to fail my music. But then again, who cares.

After school , supposedly stayed back to do my history assignment, but i couldn't concentrate in the class. So i decided to hand it in tmr. Then i went to the hall to watch my juniors train, they are really very funny and cute. And zhijun came and trained with them, and we left soon after peiqi came. Was just telling her about the many stupid things i used to always think about when i was young. But she found it rather amusing. Maybe it's interesting to her bah, but i really think it's kind of some lame thing which i happened to occupy my mind with when i got nothing to do in the past. Haha.

Tournament against presbyterian high tmr. Zzz probably going to get thrashed or something. But still, jiayou to all 'C' and 'B' division girls tmr...

----

It really isn't so easy to change my mindset overnight. What has been said really isn't very enough. Has everything changed? I find that i have nothing to talk to you about now and im unable to initiate conversations like the past. And i hate it. I really hate this. I want to be able to be like last time, to be able to talk any kind of random rubbish with you, important or not. But it's so different now, i seem to sub-consciously carefully pick what i want to say because there seemed to be an unseen border over what can be said, and what should be left unspoken. Maybe because a definite answer had been given, the answer which i don't want to accept. I'm just afraid that it would become one-sided. I want it back, i want everything back. Because i hate this change.

P.S. To people who have no clue about the parts like above in my blog posts, would you people mind NOT to anyhow infer like a stupid noob because it probably isn't like what you're thinking. If you're wondering whether i broke up with my stead or something, then i can just tell you that i didn't and never even had a stead to start with. So shut it up already.

2007-03-17T12:36:00.000+08:00

Didn't go for CIP today, was kinda tired because i slept very late last night. I actually forgot to set my alarm to 7am, but miraculously, i woke up at 7am. I was so very very tired to drag myself out of bed, i sent a message to yanyi that i won't be going to CIP. And then i dropped back down to sleep =x Then i next woke up at like 11am.

Went out with zhijun to do my homework. Did abit only bah. Got stuck at math for damn long. Zzz, feel so bored. Think we spent more time on eating than on doing. Argh. I don't knw why but i really have no mood for homework at all. The mere thought of it turns me off, it was never this bad before. This is bad...very bad. Getting more and more slack.

Then went back home and went out again for dinner. Been so long since we went out for dinner. But my brother didn't join. That same old anti-socialness. On our way to the place we're having dinner, my parents started talking about me in the car as if i wasn't there. M stands for mother and F stands for father. B stands for brother. S stand for me.

F: B will attend university same year as S after he completes National Service.
M: Are you sure S can make it to the university? She came back with an F9 in her math.
F: That is not my problem, i have the money to let her study, it is her problem whether she have the capability to do so or not. Talking about tuition, still fail.
M: Oh ya, tuition. What happened to your tuition?
S: QUITTED because you didn't let me continue if i failed.
F: You see you see, tuition got what use, she still got an F9. She don't even care about her own future, she doesn't put any effort into her studies at all.
M: Nono, i think she places too much focus in her CCA.
F: What's the use of her CCA? Help her earn millions when she grow up? I should have sent her to Sports School. She can forget about going to university with a failure grade in math.

And i just don't see why. Them talking about me like im not there, while im seated in the car's backseat like a stupid dog, pretending like i can't hear or don't understand what they are talking about. Pretending like it doesn't hurt to hear them saying that of me. Pretending like i don't give a damn at all.

Suddenly i remembered what zhijun told me today. To work towards what i want, to work towards a scholarship for overseas studying because i don't want to study here. And after what they said, i think maybe i don't really care anymore. Maybe i shouldn't bother to try so hard because all they see is me putting efforts in my CCA. Fine, im not going to make it to university. And it'll be all because of them.

I knw i failed my math this time, and by saying that im not the lowest in class, it would only be self consolation. I shouldn't be aiming to not be the last in class only, i should have higher aims. But what about my history? I got an A1! But nobody seems to care. My mother can tell me that history is of no use, fine. I got an A2 for phyics too, is this not important as well? Everything you people see is me slacking and going for trainings. You people always think trainings are the only thing affecting me. You people always pretend like you understand when you knw nuts about everything. I'm just so fcking sick of it.

I'm forever the one they criticise till like i have no good in me. From the start till the end, i have nothing about me worth mentoning. I'm that hopeless loser. But it just so happens that you both have got to live with me sticking around, who ask you'd have a hopeless loser for a daughter.

2007-03-16T21:41:00.000+08:00

Went for class leaders' workshop early in the morning today. Half asleep, one-quarter dazed, one-quarter feeling very happy (: Don't ask me why, it's to an unknown cause.

Met yvonne in the canteen then went to LT2 with peiqi. Split into groups, then told to move to LT3 to join the year 1s and 2s due to lack of people. So many people pon lorh, including melvin. Then regrouped with the year 1s and 2s. Kaijun was in my group! xD And we were outcasted in the group, because the two of us just became anti-social and isolated ourselves from the rest of the group and we talked and played on our own. Haha.

Then supposed to put up this stupid skit. Zzz i hate skits larh. Then boh bian, due to limited time, i anyhow impromtu some rubbish. Haha and kept suaning peiqi =x Should say this year de still not as bad as i had expected. But i still think last year's was more fun and interactive. Probably because it's in a small group. Ended 4 hours later but didn't feel as long, thank god. Then went out to eat macs with peiqi and kaijun then went back school for training.

Training was okay bah. As usual, half slack and half hiong. I feel like sleeping halfway through. Ohwell. And i seriously think my knees let jiao lian train until...don't knw what larh. Damn pain. Zzz. Finally played my doubles again after so long against peiqi and shibin. And me and carmen won =D Haha okay, think it was a tyco. LOL.

I was like being so crazy during training today larh. Kept going crazy. Good mood. Just ask the people. Today everyone's damn high because peiqi's finally back! LOL

Towards the end of the training, went outside and slacked with sherry and bunch of people. And she kept wanting me to sing But honestly my singing now is so weird. So i didn't sing. Much. After a while it's the end of training and we all went to jec for ice kachang again! Whee (:

----

Now i understand and truely realise that i can still be happy, although there isn't much of a difference now and then. The feeling is half of happy, and half of unhappy. But the happy part overrules the unhappy part. Why? Because i choose to think only about the happy part and not the unhappy part. This emo-ing, i can leave it till the end. Maybe you call this self-deceiving, deluding, whatever. What matter is that im happy now. And that's the most important of all. (:

2007-03-15T21:30:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ARIEL & YIJUN!

Ahh today is a very happy day! (: Okay random talk larh. But nvm.

Training today was like crazily hiong and stuff. Was actually feeling like dying halfway. Then towards the end the pest control came again and we had to evacuate from the chapel. Then me and zhijun went to hall to play until training ended.

Then me, zhijun, shibin and zhixuan went to jec for uh...dessert? LOL then we went library, shibin went home. And i done about, uh 2 questions of math =x Ahh i still got so much left to do! Definitely cannot finish all by the end of holidays. Argh. There's still training tmr then probably going to watch Primeval with zhijun. I want to watch it because according to sylvia, it's bloody. Okay, im a freaking sadistic kia. Heh.

Then while i was walking at snail speed back home, exhusted from training, i received an sms from zhijun! Then i practically flew back home and got the freaking comp from my brother. Zzz important thing.

Okay, that's the end. & today is a very happy day! (:

----

Okay. I'm also kinda sick of myself being so emo. It's the END OF EMO PHASE! Sinyee is going to be a happy girl from now on. I'm not running the emo business anymore. I'm going to be happy. I promise...

2007-03-14T16:41:00.000+08:00

Oh freak. I haven't done a single piece of homework. Wasted all my time watching hana kimi on youtube =x Ohwell. Got too much distractions going around, everytime i sit down at my desk, i'll just start reading my book and don't stop until i go watch hana kimi again. Ahhh crap.

Didn't go out today at all, because my mother didn't allow me to. Ahh is this like the first time she don't let me go out larh. Ohwell, but not as if i had done anything productive since i woke up till now anyway. Zzz got to have to go do my math some time later. And everything else left. Which is like practically everything. Argh.

----

I can't stand your irresponsibility anymore. You didn't even bother to check with any one of us before you went off. You didn't even have the responsibility to tell anyone of us that you won't be going. And you still got the cheek to only check with me today? What day is it today uh? Wednesday. Not like you don't knw we have trainings on tuesdays. Nice one uh? Yes, you can say you were not here, so you didn't knw what the 'tmr' in that sms meant. But hello, it's not a NEWSFLASH thing that the school gives us a training schedule. You mean that is not for you to check the days for training? Then what is it used for, may i ask? You mean it's for you to eat uh? You mean it's for you to take out and play when you're bored uh? You mean the school gave it to us for you to chuck it into your bag without looking at it uh? Then i think you've got some reflections to do la right.

It isn't even in your priority right. Correct me if im wrong, but i think you don't even give this a damn.

Don't think that being capable once makes you capable always. If you don't work for your name then nothing's gonna come your way. And i won't be surprised. Not at all.

Stop thinking that you're darn great. Those days are over. You haven't proven yourself that you can do impt things. So forget about it. And don't you dare talk about respnsibility to me.

Talk about irresponsibility. You don't have the freaking right to speak of it.

&you knw that im pissed off with you. So the rest can just shut up if you've got nothing to do with it.

2007-03-13T22:26:00.001+08:00

Went for drama lesson today, was super pissed off by that teacher. Due to unpreparedness, and the absence to yufan, we did not want to present but claimed that the script was with yufan and that he played the lead role in the play. But he didn’t allow us to forego our assessment today but told us to come out with a new script and rehearse everything all over again. I was really super pissed off, how the hell was it possible to chiong everything out in such a short time?! But looks like we still managed to go up there and present some rubbish about 3H’s everyday life. Rather interesting, I would say.

After drama, went to harbourfront Macs with sharman and xinyu. See xinyu eat fries so damn xinku because of her new braces, I also don’t want to put braces already. Was late for training for like half an hour. But by the time I reached, I was already so damn tired and jiao lian still want me to train kai qiu. Zzz. Then damn tired. Went outside and talked with zhijun and sherry about…a lot of things. Ohwell. Then went back in to train because shibin tell us don’t slack. Haha.

After training went to jec with sherry and zhijun for uh, dessert? Lols. And that two -.- got like everything out of me. Zzz what the hell man. Ohwell then we went to the library when it was raining like crazy and I walked in the rain back home today. After so long. But then it was seriously very cold. Lols.

They made me think back on all those times again. When was the last time I talked to you? As in, real interactive, responsive and whatever kind of talk. Not hat I’m doing now. All I knw is that I can be reassured about that one thing…which hopefully I did not assume again on my part.

时间，只能证明爱的深浅，只能让你不断的体会迷宫的路有多长，多远。而却不是像你所说的，会把爱深深真的忘记，把痛一点一点抹去。

因为喜欢与爱永远不一样，所以我们终究还是没有那个机会。

海阔天空，我要幸福。

2007-03-13T01:47:00.000+08:00

没有谁能把你抢离我身旁
你是我的专属天使

唯我能独占

没有谁能取代你在我心上
我有一个专属天使
我哪裏还需要别的愿望

2007-03-12T23:13:00.000+08:00

Went out with Josephine today. I know, I also feel bad that I bailed out drama meeting to go out. But the thing is that I had already given my word and I don’t want to go back on it, because we haven’t went out for so long. Anyway, not the whole group turned up. But still, I’m sorry…

Met her at bugis first then went to eat lunch. Did some catching up over lunch. Man, it’s been so long since I went out with her and shared our problems and stuff. Perhaps I can say that over the past few weeks that we have given up our weekly Thursday lunches for our various commitments, many changes took place and needs to be updated about. It feels good to have someone listening again…after so long….

Went into many shops and saw many nice things to buy, but just can’t make up my mind. After a while, we left for orchard. Bought a pure milk tee and skirt there. Like it lots, even my mother thinks they’re nice. Then after much consideration, we went back to bugis to buy that M-industrie top I saw. We went tiong there to eat Macs and saw Melvin. Haha she also thinks he looks funny in the uniform =x Then I went back to JP and bought that unique cow keychain I’ve seen for so long. Why is it unique? It has one white leg and one black leg! Haha. Bought quite a lot of things today. Though I’m low on cash. But all those pay by card =x Heh.

The book that I borrowed yesterday was damn nice. Not wrong to decide to look for it in the library. Probably going to return there for more books. Whee. I sound like a nerd. But not really, considering I haven’t touched any of the holiday homework apart from math. And there’s retarded drama lesson tmr. A full 2 hours long. Imagine! Even in the holidays I have to see that Miss Red! Pure misery and torture. At least now I still have a Wednesday free. And I can’t believe that I actually forgot there is training tmr for a while.

----

Already missed two weeks of it. Is it really that different without you around? Even my seeming habit can go out of place. Is that even a habit, or just something which I did for you…turned into a habit. Like what she says too, all I need is a definite answer. But definite answers crush all doubts, suspicions, delusions and such. If the answer is not the way I want it, I can only face it and move on. Maybe it would be better to remain this way, but I find that second-guessing is so very tiring. All I want to do is to believe. To have that faith which had never gone away. To be assured that all of this would be worth at the end of the day. To know, you have never really left me.

Well, some might think. What is the difference with our without you? I still laugh at stupid jokes, I still cry when I’m down. I find that my laughing might not necessarily imply that I’m happy, or when I feel sad it is about anything else but you. It all feels empty, if you even know what that means. If I, myself, can even fathom what it means. This made me a mentally weaker person, though I’d hate to admit. I just hate myself so much to be in such ridiculously pathetic self-pitying state. This is not me and I know it, you know it. I just can’t run or hide anymore. From the fact that I miss you... 现在我的幽默是掩饰着心痛我的难过

要忘记一个你深爱的人，或许，只能靠着时间，和另一个爱你的人。
也许，时间只能证明爱的深浅，
也许，爱你的人只能默默的，在你身边，
听着，守着，存在着，
也或许，过了一段阴暗无光，也无星子也无月的夜，
天亮之后，海阔天空，我们都会幸福。

2007-03-12T12:44:00.000+08:00

Replies to tags:
Sylvia> Yeah larh, i still thought she's a nice person k. I was just doing my physics because the wrapping was finishing up. Then she started screaming at me and yanyi infront of the whole crowd and also Ms Chia and Mr Tan. Said that we scamming CIP hours. Come on larh, i year 3 got 64 hours already, still need to scam what sai? Worse thing is, now probably Ms Chia and Mr Tan feels angry about it or something larh. Bloody hell. Grr. Thinking about her makes my blood boil.

Xuanwei> But it would be counted like this in the 'A' levels. So still have to pia abit bah. Your percentage higher than me leh. Haha jiayou too k (:

Xinyu> Zzz, but that librarian really sibei guo fen larhs. Kaoz. I try not to be so emo larh okay. Heh. xD

Going out with Josephine tmr! Haha so damn excited about it. Haven't gone out with her for so long man. Going to buy myself manymany prettayyy things tmr (:

Nothing much today bah. Spammed my sms interviewing people for my article which is overdue. Chiong it for a rather long time before i went to the library to return my one week overdue book =x And to look for that book which i read abit in malaysia at my cousin's house. Didn't really think i could find it anyway. But after sifting through the books in the manymany shelves from A, i finally found that book in the 'T' section. Waah. Finally.

Didn't touch my homework. Feel so inferior when i read sylvia's blog. Somemore going out tmr =x Arghh im nv going to finish my homework in this state man.

Ohwells got nth much to blog. Off to watch hana kimi! (:

2007-03-10T22:15:00.000+08:00

Did CIP today. Very few people turned up, partly because of the UG camp i suppose. And i feel like killing vincent for making me buy strepsils for him then in the end he doesn't want it! Grr waste my money. Finished our wrapping of th fiction section today. Pissed off by that #^$%&*!@ teacher. What's the big deal about this CIP hours larh, take them away for all i care, not like i desperate for any.

Left CIP early because somebody didn't allow me to stay and claimed that im disrupting the people shelving. Yeah right. So i went to harbourfront with juniors to eat some new york pizza. Then left to meet shibin at je for training. Training was nothing much, as usual. And im very tired now.

Feel so sian diao at the thought of homework.

2007-03-10T12:16:00.000+08:00

Today is officially the last day of Term 1 ! Notice i didn't say it's the start of the March holidays because this cannot be called a holiday at all. The only difference should only be that we don't have to wake up as early to go to school, though after all i'll still have to return to school about 5 out of the 9 days of holiday. Homework load would be even more than a normal schooling week put together. Great. I just LOVE RV sooooooo much.

As if we'll even be staying at home like HALF the time to finish those homework. Do they realise there's only 24 hours in a day? Do they even know we're supposed to go back to school for cca for at least 3 out of the 5 working days? Do they think we only study ONE subject? This is ridiculous! What the hell are holidays meant for man. It defeats every purpose of itself in the first place! And the cheek of them to always say 'Enjoy your Holidays' at the end of their long list of homework. It contradicts itself to the maximum and deserves a failing grade. Yeah, you mean 'Enjoy what's left of your holidays, if you even have any left.'

Start of the day, the day was ruined by a certain 'very nice' teacher. Whom i suspect simply have got nothing better to do during her lesson but bark at us to clean up our classroom as if she's our form teacher. And gave us some lecture. And asked me whether my house also in this kind of state. Try and convince me she isn't picking on me okay, don't knw for the how many times liao. And i said yes it is. Although it's not. Why? She got a problem with it uh? Kaobei so much for what. Then came and said 'i don't want to continue this because this is what your form teacher should do.' YA SO WHY BOTHER IN THE FIRST PLACE? JUST BLOODY TEACH YOUR LESSON AND GET LOST LA. People never make announcement then you never complain, the moment people make announcement, you act like you are so bloody concerned about our class cleanliness. Still dare say it's not because of the announcement. Ya, im sure, i believe you man. Nice try la. Only she got the most complaints about us liao la. Nothing better to do man really.

2007-03-08T23:00:00.000+08:00

Got back my progress report, couldn't say im exactly satisfied with the results, but i thought they were just okayyy. Just the standard failure grade in math and stuff. Got some targets for the next term, hopefully will be able to achieve. L1R5 improvement to 12 (currently 18), GPA improvement to 3 (currently 2.6), and overall percentage improvement to 69% (currently 64%). Really hope i can push myself to meet this target. Which is not actually alot, it's pinpointing my math and chinese grades for improvement..

Was rather tired in school today. Actually slept in chinese lesson. And was doing math in physics lesson. Math remedial ended in about 30min because i finished the questions fast and got them all correct! (:

Okay im tired and want to sleep now. Zzz. Getting the ugly medals infront of the whole school assembly tmr morning. Rahh. & lots of math holiday assignments! Arghh.

If it makes you a happier person to just forget about it, forget about everything and just move on. At least now i knw that you'll be happy.

2007-03-07T22:55:00.000+08:00

Sometimes blog surfing can be really bad, emotionally. I conclude that im bad at expressing myself.

I don't knw whether what you've said is true because it differs from what others have recounted. But well, i could have just been too paranoid or thought too much. What i really knw, really certain is that it would most definitely not be the same anymore. I do not think time fades. And it hurts me just to think we've lost it all so easily, not a long long time after, not anything, but just like that. It just hurts me so much to knw that it's never going to be the same again. That now, im already nothing to you. Time played no part but just broke us apart, never had a chance to even try...

When i had always had you here but never treasured till the end. When i took it for granted that you'll always be around. When i had thought everything would stay this way for ever and ever. When the sadness reigns, i have no choice but to give in to the weakest of human emotions. Somehow though everything tells me otherwise, i still can't bear to, and won't want to, stop even a day in waiting.

'Well, even if the whole world misunderstands you and turns their backs on you, i am still here, and always will be....'

2007-03-07T20:31:00.000+08:00

So i really did chuck my homework and aside and went to sleep last night. The good thing is, nobody collected any of the homework which i did not do. And i managed to wake up at 4.30am today to finish my remaining 1 and a half qing nian wen zhai which was to be handed up today. Finished it up in school though.

Lessons were rather lag today as well. Zzz, i hate practical lessons. They are like damn boring and gohsm always makes us finish it today, so sometimes i have to stay back after module to complete it. Rahh. Mr liu released us late for break again today. I hate wednesdays too. The canteen is like always freaking packed with people. And by the time i get my food, time's up.

Done SEL assessment today. Realised i got alot of developing and no exceeding =x Ohwell. And i assessed sylvia for very long, haha too serious le. But of course must be serious right, i must give her a grade which she rightfully deserve, which the bulk is in meeting. Haha. Then checked results. Got really very lousy. Zzz. Only 1 A1, 4 B3s, 1 C6 and 1 F9. L1R5: 19. GPA: 2.5
Danger Zone. Going to die soon if this rubbish continues. But the worse thing is, can you believe that C6 is actually my chinese? Freak that AGH la. And the F9 is obviously math. Hardly suprising. 33 marks sia. History 2nd in level but ohwell~ Can't help much. Overall percentage is only 64.1% Argghh.

Don't even dare to tell her that i really will try my best to catch up. This time, i didn't give it my all. Probably only 40-60%.

Module passed very fast today. We watched The Patriot for the last hour. Was rather touching bah, some parts. And i went home alone. Zzz. Then while i was at JE mrt station, the train arrived at the centre platform and ppl started coming into the train heading towards boonlay. Then suddenly there was this swiss cottage guy who walked in and waved and said 'Hello? You knw me right? You from Xingnan table tennis right?' Was thinking this person looks extremely like who i thought he is, but unsure of it so i just nodded my head. After that while waiting in the queue for 242, i asked Are you Chen Chang Feng? And he said yes. Haha MY JUNIOR! Lols, so stupid there thinking who he is. Lol. Just kinda stunned that he suddenly acknowledged me in the mrt.

Ohwell. And i shall continue slacking and fail. Zzz.

2007-03-06T22:28:00.001+08:00

Feel so tired, but forced to continue doing my homework and such. I really really don't want to do anything more and just drop on my bed and sleep for as long as i want, not having to wake up at 5am tmr morning. To face school. To face all the work i didn't do. And to top it all off, there's still module tmr. I feel so sick of everything and i don't want to go on anymore. Or maybe i just got too slack and now i can't get myself working anymore. Come on, it's only the start and im already flunking every single subject. No motivation. I'm nothing i set out to be.

Flunked my second math test with a single digit score. As expected but nothing to be proud of. Now my chinese is C6, math possibly F9 or worse. Maybe only history will be my consolation. Got a 94 for it, probably going to be the only A1 or even A at all. Training was very hiong today, had PT, that's why im so freaking tired. Haven't trained so hard for a long time.

Homework. Sleep. Which matters more? Chuck homework and go sleep sinyee, you've got the module to survive tmr. Good point.

I really don't want to do any work anymore. The holidays seem so near yet so far. I need a break right now. Hate to knw that im being so emotionally vulnerable that even the smallest things which i couldn't give a fck about now could bring me to the brink of tears. Ridiculous and pathetic. Behaviour of a weakling and an emo-freak. Totally not what i do. But what's happening to me?

And my mother is threatening to tell my father to make me quit table tennis to concentrate on my stydies and stop making myself so tired. Quit? When that woman takes over, maybe. Definitely not now. Sorry my dear mother, because sometimes you just don't fcking see.

&i never felt so lost and alone. Cos' i can't turn to you, when it all falls apart.

Only to see the perfect mask crumble away bit by bit and revealing all the true emotions beneath.

2007-03-05T22:54:00.000+08:00

As expected, we lost to NYGH, i didn't get to play. Set score: 3-0. Don't even knw why im bothering to go for that prize presentation when clearly i did nothing that is worth for our team to glorify in. Didn't play well. Didn't even play in the semi-finals and finals. Should never even had held hope in the first place, no hope is better than false hope. Though i didn't believe that we stand a chance to win them anyway. So it has finally ended.

'C' Girls - 2nd
'C' Boys - 3rd [edit]
'B' Girls - 2nd
'B' Boys - 4th

Was feeling terrible during match today. Pissed off at everyone and everything. Had a killer gastric pain halfway through. Actually the whole event was the same old thing. Don't need to talk about it anymore. We just got our ugly trying-to-pass-off-as-silver gray medal, took a few photos which i can't even smile in, and then left. Don't even have to try to tell you how disappointed i was.

Missed cross-country due to tournament. Heard that minotaur got 1st in cheering and mascot, which is so unbelievable. And 2nd overall. Totally amazing. Minotaur has finally made it to the top. & hope esther's alright yeah, god bless.

Only to come back home to realise i have more work to finish. I don't feel like going to school. I just want a nice long break and let me catch up on everything that i've missed out. I don't want to be pressed with so much school work and things like that. I really don't want to be so worn out anymore.

----

I don't think i'll be able to hold out much longer anymore. I'm really sick of second-guessing myself everyday, thinking so much of what i'd never get an answer in. I don't want to be viewed as someone who is clinging on desperately to everything that's left to salvage. I don't want it to be this way. And it is making me so mentally imbalanced which is a weakness i don't want to be associated with. I can't even give myself a definite answer whether i might be able to give it up. It seems like nothing matters to me anymore. I hate this feeling of myself being so foolishly emotional, and i helplessly, can do nothing about this.

The doubts i have about what they tell me is going to get overruled by the plain truth. I'm losing faith, losing the trust. Tell me you did this for a greater and further meaning. Tell me it's because you don't want what would happen in the end come true. Tell me that it is not because you have forgotten, or given up, or chosen someone better. Or maybe just tell me that it's never going to be the same anymore. There are too many things promised, too many things reassured. But what had happened to all of that? Gone. As simple as that.

I don't want to have to make myself hold the tears back anymore. I want to be just able to cry out loud whenever i feel like it. It's very miserable for me to be acting like im forever happy. The feeling really sucks.

All i had wanted now is a definite answer, to tell me that it's okay for me to give it up. And that no one cares anymore. That you don't care anymore.

And let's go back to the beginning. When nothing has been said or done. When im forever hoping but never sure. I'm sure i'd feel alot better, or probably had already let you go. Because then i'll never have known what you felt. It would have been alot easier...

2007-03-04T21:24:00.000+08:00

Hmm okay, today was a boring day so i shall not talk about my day. Actually it is that i have nothing to talk about. Ohwell~

Changed my blog music back to IWebMusic. Reason being there are many songs which are unavailable in RadioBlogClub. Though i still think IWebMusic sucks larh, quality of the music really cannot make it. Nvm, i shall make do with what i have.

And i applaud Josephine in thanks for the creation of this image for me (: Might be the main image for my next skin to change. Waiting for the codes now.

&tmr's the day. Finals here finally. Playing against nanyang, don't knw the odds. Maybe we do stand a chance or maybe none at all. But no matter what, im sure we'll try to clinch that championship tmr and bring back what we worked for to honour whoever made us what we are. (And it ISN'T that woman) Moving on in the nationals. Hoping we'd get something more out of it this time round. All the best to all RVTTians playing tmr.

----

Finally. I wasn't really hoping when i clicked on that icon today. Alas, when i least expected. I got it back. Though it was something (better than nothing), but i can't help but feel disappointed. For the many days which i had hoped and brooded over, and when i finally got it back, it was only that few lines. All i could do was to read it again and again. Nothing extra in it to reassure my insecurities. Maybe it had really ended. You left it all here then you went away. Maybe it would never be the same anymore...

I really wonder, 我在你心中还剩多少...?

2007-03-04T00:01:00.000+08:00

Got a feeling this is going to be a rather long post. As usual, welcomed to leave anytime, if you don't mind then well, go ahead.

Second CIP session today, still did wrapping the whole time. Think i gotten rather accustomed to it, so i shouldn't be changing duty most probably. Shibin and her friends came and helped out too, so we gave them the easy job of cutting the laminating plastic for us to wrap. I guess 5 hours of that can get boring as well.

So around 9.50am, me and melvin went out of the library to prepare for math test. Anyway must thank jianlong for lending his calculator to me. Totally forgot about it. Anyway, im going to flunk this test with a single-digit score. How sad. I didn't even get to finish question 2 in the 45 min. Didn't even care to try questions 3 and 4. Zzz. Though it was rather expected, but i thought it was manageable, just need more time.

Then went for a late break with melvin because i was going to die from gastric pains. And went back to wrap books again. Had class lunch. I hate jec. For banning people from sitting on the second floor anymore, so 3H always gets split up, what kind of a class lunch is this? Then decided not to go for training for class lunch. Then i saw zhijun there and she said that im giving up training for class lunch when we said that we want to win nanyang. And i felt damn guilty that i still went off for training after finishing lunch.

After confirming with xinyu that i could take 334 to that guailan CC which i have never heard before, she told me to alight at the first CC with a macs there. And so i alighted a few stops after, to find that i had alighted at Jurong Green CC instead of Jurong Spring CC which im supposed to train at. And then, i wanted to take 335, so i walked 3 bus stops to look for 335, to see none. And so i took 157, thinking that if i can't find it then i'll just go home since 157 reaches boon lay interchange as well. And man, was that 157 slow as snail! Almost killed myself on that bus. And i finally found the place.

----

I really didn't realise what im becoming if someone didn't tell it to my face. I really wasn't treating the trainings seriously, not treating the matches seriously. I didn't give them my 100%. Yes, i wasn't like this in the past. And i really don't knw what is the problem with me now. And i can't blame anyone for not playing well these few days, not to mention the past few matches. Maybe i just don't have that motivation anymore. Wrong priorities. What's the problem with me?

----

It feels like it's been so long, when it's only that few weeks. Like i was only scrolling through the whole long list of msn contacts. When i saw it. So long since i saw it. And suddenly overwhelmed by nostalgia once again. Can't describe that feeling of that few words i saw. What i saw but could not deem true. Just wondering when i'd ever get something back.
Because i really miss you so much.

2007-03-02T23:19:00.000+08:00

Replies to tags:
Jonathan> LOL nvm, i will screw it up worse than you =/ Thanks thanks.

Shaun, Xuanwei, Rousi, Kwanling & Xinyu> Thanks people, im okay le (i hope). Haha.

Sharm> Yeah i bet you do knw how it feels.. (:

Yangling> LOL what 24wei, i die die also won't drink one! Haha. Scared he will scream at me mah. Lols.

Sylvia> Haha, not very well still but well enough for tournament. We still won in the end! =D

Szefan> Ah ya larh. Zzz nanyang. Sian =x

Yingying> YES she totally sucks man. Don't knw how chamm she want to xian4 hai4 wo3! Zzz must do freaking well for the rest of the chinese tests to get an 'A' grade anymore. Stupid.

----

Okay, so i went back to school today. And i woke up rather late. And i reached school only at 7.15am. Lessons were as usually boring. Ohwell. I still can't freaking believe my abysmal chinese grades. I'm like ranked 15 out of the 17 people in my chinese class? And to think i used to be like top 5? Wtf. I want to slaughter her! Now i have to do freaking well for the rest of the chinese tests to maintain my 'A' grade. In the end if i don't do well for chinese, im going to condemn her to hell and skin her alive! Okay, you knw im joking. LOL.

Okay got back chem test today. Scraped passed by that few marks only. Can die man. Now math fail, chinese as good as fail, physics pass 2 marks, chem pass 4 marks. Left with language arts. I don't think it's going to be very good as well. Zzz. Maybe it's time i did some serious head-banging. Erm i mean, serious mugging.

And today is also match day! We won dunearn 4-1 and nanhua 3-0. Didn't get to play in the nanhua match because the three at the front already won. Didn't really play well, as still rather sick. Emotionally unstable (from test results) and physically weak. Best combo one can get, wth. My hands were cold like...i don't knw what larh. So glad we finally won the two matches today which is also the semis. Going to fight for 1st and 2nd placing with NYGH on monday le. They keep saying we got chance to win. But i seriously don't think so. Nanyang is like a freaking pro. But then ohwell, still got to try. We'll bring RVTT and jiao lian honour. Ahh that sounds good =D

So after the game, went to eat dinner. It was supposed to be like a simple one. Who ask they go eat so freaking expensive pizza hut. Such a poor person like me cannot afford one you knw! Zzz. Then walk walk around then finally went home.

Damn tired now. And im taking the killer math test tmr wth. After CIP there's still training. Okay, so let's all die together.

Oh yes, due to me not having gone online at night last night to blog, i shall do it now.
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY XINYU! I knw im first to wish you =D

2007-03-01T14:30:00.000+08:00

Oh Hi, I'm on sick leave yet trying to finish all the bloody homework from school.

Is that like sad or something? I can't even rest properly at home. Have to finish all the homework i owe. Okay, it's my fault because i didn't do it beforehand. But one way or another, i'll still have to do it, only a matter of time.

Wow, Swee Cheng told me i actually didn't fail my physics test! Is that like a miracle or something? I thought i'd flunk rather badly. I passed just by a little, so i shall not be contented or i'll never get better. And i was also told that math test today was like freaking difficult. No one finished the paper. Okay, it's a gone case for me already. And im missing chem, math and physics tmr for tournament. So i'd probably retake my math on monday. Ohwell.

And TMD. It's the first time my chinese get so lousy can? Screw you. My chinese has never gotten lower than B3 one la! Now i got a fcking C6?! CA get a C6 end of year will drag down my grade one can? My chinese is like A1-B3 one la. Everyone let her teach will flunk is it?! WTF. GO SCREW YOURSELF LA.

Not getting any better, the medicine really doesn't help. And i didn't go to the doc or something as well. I can't concentrate on getting my jian bao done because half the time im like sniffing uncontrollably. LOL. If there isn't tournament tmr, i think i'd probably not go to school as well. Afraid i would underperform tmr and then jiao lian would scream at me. Zzz.

Going out later to get my homework and stuff from sylvia. And probably see if there's anything new in class that i missed out.

Damn it. Can something effective please stop that bloody flu.

直到　眼泪它自己落下才发现骗不了自己其实很爱你

2007-03-01T01:25:00.000+08:00

Okay screw, im not going to school later, considering it's already 1+am. Ohwell, supposedly i should feel happy or something because im taking a day off school. But problem #1: There's math test tmr. Problem #2: We're getting back our physics test tmr. Problem #3: I have math remedial tmr. Problem #4: I'll miss out alot of lessons. Problem #5: I can't celebrate xiao yu's birthday with her and 3H! and etc.

I already took a tablet for my bloody flu just now and all it's doing is block out my other nostril so now i can't breathe. I'm going to die soon man, wth. The worse thing of all is probably, melvin is also not going to school tmr. Been sick for so long. Get well soon melvin! But that's not the point. Point is, 3H is not going to be chairperson-less for school later. Since both me and melvin absent, which i think is rather rare. Who's going to be the one to take attendance? Who's the one who will bring the class to morning assembly in LT1 tmr punctually? Someone's got to do it. For once the person won't be me. Well, for once we can see how 3H gets independent, im sure they will. I'll find out from sylvia anyway. And PROBABLY they'll realise how much the little things me and melvin do each day matters so much xD

Been talking with acer and melvin about the school's workload now. Many people are falling sick because of insufficiet rest. Like me and melvin and yuhong. Like straight nights without sleep at all is really bad for health. I really think what acer and melvin said is true. The departments don't communicate among themselves and just throw all the work they have for us to us, so see how much we have in the end. A killer amount which we cannot handle. And by extending the deadline for 1 or 2 days, they think it's such a big deal and that we cannot have a reason to hand in work late. Homework is one thing, PLUS, we've got to study for tests as well. And subjects like math and physics on the same day, either you study math and forget physics or vice versa. I really don't think we can study both and absorb the contents in such a short time.

Hope all's well for the class later. I'm going to sleep now. My nose is freaking blocked and my head is freaking splitting. Gahhs.

Level of productivity = All-time low. How am i going to play well on friday, i really wonder.

2007-02-28T20:58:00.000+08:00

Been neglecting my blog abit these days. Two super short posts and none at all yesterday. To loyal readers of my blog (if i have any): i really cannot even finish my homework, where i find the time to blog. Yeah, so pardon me for not updating as regularly as i used to. (If anyone even cares at all that is.) Homework load is really crazy these few days, i haven't slept well for 3 consecuetive nights. I'm becoming more and more like a panda. Screw the goddamn school can. Zzz.

So today's lessons were like sian. Chinese lesson didn't collect jian bao. Like thank god man. I didn't do it larh. And AGH ate into physics lesson which gohsm ate into maths lesson and Mr liu ate into our break. Wtf. So talking about physics lesson, i totally screwed my physics oral presentation up. Considering i typed the speech out at 11.30pm last night, half falling asleep and stuff i didn't have much time to memorise it larh. Then gohsm called me to go present when i wasn't even prepared. Then ohwell, went and forgot everything. Now im going to flunk. Wth, first time im going to flunk oral presentation. Math ate into like 25min of our 30min break?! Causing us to eat damn rush like some crazy people and run back to class. WTF.

And im like sick? Damn flu. Caused me to have some fever just now. Freaking sian la. Competition on friday. Better be well by then. Zzz.

And there's math test tmr which im going to flunk for sure. Since i flunked the first. Everything is so damn fcked up.

& i hate people who don't move in to the centre of the mrt carraige which caused me to miss 6 FREAKING TRAINS before i can get on one and go home. Bloody waste of time.

2007-02-26T21:39:00.000+08:00

Ohwell, freaking tired in school today. Kept drifting in and out of sleep. I didn't get much sleep last night. Crap man. And today im not really in the mood for blogging either. Zzz, got to study for the postponed chem test. And a whole lot of other hw to finish. Im not in any nice mood. Zzz

----

Don't knw why im suddenly overwhelmed by that feeling again today. It could have been so much different. But well, guess i could only accept the facts.

2007-02-26T03:30:00.000+08:00

It's like 3.28am now? And i just finished my Chem artical review. Like wtf, didn;t study for chem test tmr, not much anyway. Didnt do other hw. Screw the goddamn school. Im going to catch my 1 and a half hours of sleep now. Update more tmr. Or erm later since its already 3plus. Ohwell.

2007-02-24T23:24:00.001+08:00

To Josephine> Hey girl, thanks for the message, it's sweet and all. Thanks (: But yeah, im really alright, as you can see from my posts and in school. Being emo once in awhile is good for mental development. LOL. Though we're emo-ing about the same kind of problem but for a different result bah. Anyway, really thanks and jiayou too. Cheerupx k, im always here for you. (:

----

Had CIP today. My mother was supposed to wake me up at 6am, but she woke me up half an hour later. So i reached school about 5 min late but i saw Mr Tan on 100! So it doesn't matter =D

Started out with some briefing for what we were supposed to do. 3H + a group of 4A students are going to revamp the library, condemn books, buy new books and furnishings etc. We were given a rough ida of how the final library would look like. It would be great, but the best part is that it is done by 3H! And of course not forgetting the group of 4A students too.

My job was supposed to be re-wrapping the books which had gone through a round of condemnation and unwrapping. The re-wrapping part was rather tricky because the laminating plastic sticks and is easy to trap air bubbles. But after Ms Teo demonstrated, everyone split up into groups and started work. We worked for very long, picking up speed along the way. The people who were doing the unwrapping were very fast and kept placing big piles of books on our tables to be rewrapped. Like omg, look at those books will be stunned. Moreover, they are only from the fiction section. There are more than twice the amount of non-fiction books compared to fiction ones. Just imagine man. Ohmygod.

We had a 45min break. Had some snacks prepared byMs Chia and Ms Teo. Very nice of them. We only took about 15min, cleared up, and went back to work. We're too committed to the work already (: Ms Teo talked about some overnight CIP in school during March holidays. But too bad for UG ones, have to go for UG camp lorh. But i don't think it's very possible. I told my mother and she shook her head -.- But if it's true it's going to be like FREAKING COOL CAN. Wahh... ohwell~

After CIP, alot of 3H people went to jec for class lunch. 24 according to sylvia's blog. The whole back part of 97 is like occupied by 3H people. But when we reached, it started raining. Just walked through slowly, so long since i went in the rain. While listening to emo songs too. In the end couldn't find a place which all of us could go, so we split up. At first after lunch going to lag in the library, then like so many people jsut went home, guys play lan then left me and sylvia. Went library then knw the guys didnt go play lan. But only got 7 ppl. After a while we left for tiong cos melvin had to work.

Only me, sylvia and jieren went to tiong specially to eat LJS served by melvin. We kep guailn-ing him there. Hahaha. Then went walk walk awhile then went home. Tmr going out to buy cloth and doing abit of noticeboard. Finishing up on monday. Going to rock! (:

Sorry if i missed out any random fact. Zzz, i feel sick.

----

When am i EVER going to talk to you again. Am i just thinking too much, hoping too much? Have you already decided? What can i do...

2007-02-23T23:45:00.000+08:00

A friday. Finally. Been looking forward to the weekends, this short week had been hectic and tiring. Sadly, im still not allowed to get my rest. Class CIP tmr from 8am till 1pm, though i don't mind this so much because it's 3H's CIP. Then there's chem test on monday which we only knw of today. I don't want to screw yet another one up. To top it all off, homework for this weekend came up to quite alot too, for me at least. All back logs my accumulated undone homework. =x

Had chinese test today. It's probably the hardest one i had ever taken in my RV life man, what the hell. It seriously needs alot of inference and reading in between the lines. But nvm, it's good training for history students! So now, can only wait and hope for a better grade in chinese. Last hope i have.

Had english formal letter test today as well. Nothing special, thought maybe can do quite well. Informal letter test got back, only 20/30. Hope this second letter can help pull up my marks a little too. Got my first assignment for the e-mag already. Not exactly got the assignment but told to brainstorm abit. But i shall not say what bah. Thought of some ideas and interviews i could do with some people. Hope it would be fun.

Physics speech today. Luckily i didn't get picked, because i did not prepare anything at all. =x I was time-keeper, rather stupid, keep raising my hand at the signal of each time interval. Some of the people who presented had fine speeches. Like yuhong, went up there loooking like he is going to faint. So called "preparing his heart" for the speech. But he did a good speech and we all knw it. Not bad, physics rep!

Training was slack. Kwanling and Shining came back to train with us! I was too damn tired to really train. After so long without training, the feel becomes weird again. Ah, shan't talk much about it. After training went to jec with zhijun and kwanling for dinner. Then reached home at 8.45pm.

And....RMUN is here! Ohmybloodygod. Decision making time again. So do i join this time, or do i not? It's during the June holidays man, the time is like so packed. I had fun in THIMUN last year, but the preparation process was torturous, really. I don't want to be like when i was in THIMUN, regretting my decision everytime. I really need to set things straight and discuss this properly with jaslin and jonathan. It starts on 29th may. Which is like 2 days after my birthday, i bet we'll be doing smth on that day too larh. Argh, dilemma.

Okay, i shall finish my SS reflections and hand it in tmr. Then im going to sleep!

----

You knw, i really cannot stand people saying i am a irresponsible person when obviously im more responsible than the person who said it. I might not hand up homework on time, that is irresponsibility, but at the very least, i have the basic responsibility to go for appointments on time and stuff like that. I don't think that im perfect but i think i am at least responsible enough to hold a leadership position and do what is expected of me well. At least i bear the consequences of the things i do. This is called being responsible.

"Like you very responsible like that." Yes, i am not 100% responsible, but at the very least i knw that i am more responsible than you. Don't you even dare come and say that im not responsible if you're even thinking about ponning cip tmr okay. That is not called responsible. Don't use tired as an excuse, because you have no reason to be more tired than everyone else. Not like you got work, not like you stay back extra late for your class or cca. Everyone is as tired as you, don't think being tired is a reason to pon. You don't sleep as late as i do every night, you also don't wake up as early, how much more tired can you get?

I don't knw if you'll read this, but if you do, you knw very obviously that im talking about you. It's really not funny okay. Saying "Kiddin" after that sentence doesnt help. It already shows that you feel that way about me. It's really alright to say im irresponsible, ONLY if you are sure that you are more responsible than i am.

But yknw, if you were really that responsible, maybe you won't have kept me waiting nearly every single time, you wouldn't have overshot too much of your smses, you would have understood that actually being tired is not such a big deal at all.

Random people who pass by and offended by what i say, please don't try to act like a inference pro and start inferring what i have typed like a noob okay. If you knw nothing, you shut up and don't comment. This is only to you and you alone. Not like you don't knw im pissed with you for saying that. And you can go ahead and be pissed with me for saying all these. Because there really isn't a reason for you to be pissed at all. Because im every bit as responsible, if not more that you.

So who are you to say im irresponsible?

2007-02-22T22:52:00.000+08:00

Keep waking up late nowadays, can't help it. School'd been exhausting. Physically and also mentally.

Screwed up both math and physics test today. Not unexpected at all. Didn't have enough time to even complete both papers. Math is like this, physics also like this. Flunked both, certified. Ohwell. Tmr chinese and english test. Hopefully my two strongest subjects won't fail me this time.

After school went out to look for cloth. Wasted time, didn't get a freaking thing. Earphones damn expensive. 80+ bucks, although got money but still xin tong. Zzz, i'll wait till my earphones cut and rot my left ear first before i change my earphones. So long since i felt the feeling of sound coming from both earphones. Pathetic.

Damn tired from the long walking today. And only to realise i haven't done my physics speech for tmr and i totally forgot about the singapore studies hw until vincent reminded me. Ohwell. Guess i don't have to sleep early today again. And i'll probably wake up late for the third consecuetive day tmr.

Maybe i should skip school tmr =x Ohwell~

----

Feeling damn empty. What does that mean? I don't knw. Is that what empty means? Argghh.

Suddenly thought of too many things. Not of the past. Of now. Of what's to come. What's happening right now which i don't knw of. Can't describe what im feeling. Just hope you xin li ming bai. If you ever will ming bai.
If you ever get to read this that is.
Is this feeling empty?

2007-02-21T22:57:00.000+08:00

Well well well, it was expected. So expected. Some people just never grow up. Ah well, i'll leave it to whoever gives a damn to take care of it. Probably no one, but hell, im not giving a damn either. Meanwhile i should just feel sorry for them for acting like men who only got the balls to tag using others' names but not their own. Or probably they are not men at all. So ashamed of the name your parents gave you? That's really quite sad for you i think. Hohoho. Whatever~

Stoned here for approximately 40min. Don't knw what i was thinking about. But certainly not about THAT. -points up-

Lessons today were short, wednesday, like duh. Tests tmr, math and science. Going to flunk them both, pathetic. And i haven't prepared my physics speech. Think im probably the slackest girl in 3H. Ohwell, expected as well. Zzz. Chem article review due on friday. Another one im flunking.

So my subject flunking list goes: MATH- Check. PHYSICS- Check. CHEM- Check.
And probably more coming up too. Lalala, i can't help feeling stupid sometimes. Ohwell. I probably am luhh.

Tmr going to stay back and decorate the class noticeboard. And it isnt going to look very royal by tmr thanks to the two stupid shops which were closed today and caused me a wasted trip too. After the work then going out to sought for cloth. Since the shop would be reopened on 25/2. What the heck. Alright boss, enjoy your chinese new year yeah. Zzz.

Bye people, wish me luck for tmr. Hope that my airspace for a head and brain would work wonders tmr.

Probably the longest period of time since i last talked to you. Never stayed out of contact so long before. Where are you? ): I've been thinking of you so much everyday. Too much. Just hoping you wont let me go.

2007-02-20T22:39:00.000+08:00

Replies to tags:
Sally> I where got bad to your seniors? Match is like that de mah. You knw which junior? Dexter uh? LOL.

Yingying> Haha, yeah classic action. Yuhong posed for us to take picture one larh!

Sharm> Thank you thank you (:

Junice> Ohwell, being emo every now and then is good for mental development i suppose xP. The going gets tough sometimes, so i'll get tougher. I'll be alright, thanks anyway. (:

Yanyi> LOL okay larh, don't really knw what you talking about anyway. Haha.

Sylvia> Yeah, of course, come back pei mah, if not i bored to death there and you bored to death in school. LOL.

----

Hello people, sinyee is back!

Okay, what is the big deal -.- I almost got bored to death there alright. Took a few pictures with my hp bah, but haven uploaded it so maybe i'll blog them tmr. Maybe not.

My cousins all became more shuai and more chio. Ya larh, my mother say im the most not chio not good not whatever de liao larh. Zzz, like i don't knw that already, don't need to rub it in my face.

New year this year was okay bah. Although i no red packets to take but then my parents made up for it liao, gave me quite alot. So i woke up at 4.10am on 18th morning to catch that 6am train. Was rather crowded, and my mother, brother and i had to sit in the uh, pantry area of the train. Reached there at like 9+am. Then 3/4 of my time in 18th is to stone and stone and stone some more. The remaining 1/4 time is sleeping + random stuff larh. Seriously bored. Where are all my cousins who used to hang out with me?

Then my mother came and tell me, even the one i am closest with and one year older than me de got boyfriend liao. So im so bored on my own lorh. Ohwell. Then nvm, tried doing hw, but the math formulas i all cannot remember, physics also only knw how to do abit. Zzz. Think im flunking all the tests on thursday.

At night my aunt brought us kids to the higher grounds there to play crackers and stuff. Seeing all my younger cousins fight for more crackers to play with, reminds me of me last time. And now, i give all mine to them to fight over. Lol. All i did there was stare at the sky half the time looking at that starry sky which i can't see here. Seriously beautiful. And well, the other half of the time is looking out for fire crackers which my cousins threw in my way.

Second day was better bah. My cousin wanted to go out with me, then okay lorh, since i so bored also. Then who knws, she brought her boyfriend along, then i like so extra there be lightbulb -.- Also nv really enjoy, i mean how to? Then went back and stoned again. Until my cousin took me out for a spin on her motorbike. Then damn shuang, she took me round the whole of the little precinct, which is really quite little. And she told me alot about some of the stories there, some quite scary =x And some of her school stuff, how she knw her boyfriend etc. I got nth to tell her larh, so i just "hmm, uh, orh" all the way. LOL.

But it was really shuang bah, alot of places i never went before, alot of stories i wouldn't have believed until she tell me. Should really go back more often le. We went back when she received a call that my father is back. After that just stuck around with her, watched abit tv. Sent more emo songs into my hp -.- and blah.

And this morning i came back. I love the comp so much. And i love my hp reception so much man. My brother was like saying if the reception come back, later i receive like 40 messages or smth. Then in the end, NTH. Pathetic. LOL. After about 1 hour, went out to my uncle's house for dinner. Did nth, really only dinner then talk abit with my uncles and aunts then went home.

And now im struggling to finish my module background research and thinking how i finish my physics by tmr. Zzz..

----

I really cannot fathom why my father loves putting me down so much. And my mother thinks that i want to be a lawyer is play play only. Like wth? I'm not play play-ing about the lawyer part larh. I might not be able to make it at the end of the day but im definitely not play play-ing about it alright. At least let me have something to work towards. :f

~~Goddamnit. Why am i feeling emo again.~~

Ohwell, tmr is another good day with 3H. Can't wait to start deco-ing the class noticeboard.

2007-02-17T23:19:00.000+08:00

Ohwell, just been told i'll be going off to malaysia for the new year. Taking like super early train, 6am larh, crazy. Coming back on Tuesday. Homework + Tests. Omg man, forced to bring my homework there to do. Hopefully i can complete any at all bah. Hopefully when i get back will have time to revise abit. Zzz

Anyway the reunion dinner wasn't even like a reunion dinner because so few people were there. After that i just went outside and stoned on my own. And thought of who would have pei me everytime im so bored on my own. Arghh ):

Come on sinyee. Stop being so bloody emo man. This isn't like you. Get over it and shut up already.

No, i don't want to and i won't shut up. If you're so sick of me already...then i think just get lost bah, there's really nothing i can do about it. At least i don't go around in school with a glum face and let every one see what im really feeling.

Nvm, im going to try to enjoy my little visit to my grandma's house in malaysia tmr. So there's a 2 day rest from my emo posts. Hope everyone enjoys their chinese new year and get lots of money and eat all the goodies (: Enjoy!

2007-02-17T17:23:00.000+08:00

Changed a skin. Crown series, so royal haha. Comments please (:

Today's New Year's Eve. I bought a Puma bag! Yayness =D

It's quite nice and costs like 20+ bucks. Obviously it's a fake, im not quite rich enough to buy a genuine Puma bag. Heh.

Apart from that, it's really boring at home and everything. Then in the evening going to my grandma's house for reunion dinner. Like don't knw how long since i've been there. I think it's going to be seriously sian. And this time...no one is going to entertain me ):

----

Did i mention that 3H people took some photos in class yesterday? And sinyee sent it to me! So i shall post a few funny and nice ones here. My entries are so full of pictures nowadays.

12/15 3H girls. Don't knw where is Candy and Chingxin. Phyllis was absent from school.

Ehh i look weird here. =/ And silin isn't in it.

Me and sylvia! Sistas rule! (:

This is a classic!

Bonding of a CCA leader and a class leader! xD

Double Sinyee(s) =DDD

And that's all for today (: Maybe i'll blog when i get back from the reunion dinner. But i doubt larh. Ohwell.

HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR EVERYONE (:

----

Really getting too emo nowadays. Keep deleting cheerful songs and replacing them by storing sad songs in. 14 out of 20 songs in my hp are emo =x Oh wth. Listening to sad songs are the times when i'll start thinking about you and everything that happened. It's probably the way i can be reminded of you most. Cos we just left everything hanging and i can't stop thinking.

I like being emo. But i hate myself for being emo. And i hate it more when i have to hide that im feeling emo so as not to affect everyone around me. Argh nvm...i'll still be alright.

6 <3s

2007-02-16T23:21:00.000+08:00

Replies to tags:

Sinyee#6> Haha thanks thanks. It's fine being uh, vulgar here because as you can see from my post. It's alot more vulgar than just wahlau or freak or wth. xD

Sylvia> Yeahh BIG BIG bar of DARK chocolates! Wheee (:

Sharm> LOL, no larh, im not chio de can, i have a common face! Haha. Yeah the two are hopeless cases of extreme childishness xP

Jieren> Ehh..what red and white and singapore larh -.- Lame. Zzz.

Sweecheng> LOL you probably already knw since i already told you today.

Yangling> Uh, anything lorh. Yeah happy cny to you too =D

Yanjie> LOL i think i still look the same larh. Hahaha.

----

Today was CNY celebrations! Thought it was rather crap larh, but ohwell, they are all efforts from the school and whoever else involved. Haha okay. Only had AGH's lesson, wrote si han today. Was rather nice larh considering it was only writing. Then went to hall for concert le.
Shan't talk much bout the celebration because it was nothing much.

The best part was probably community singing. 3H girls came into a circle and started zi highing. Haha, 3H people are fun! Then we went back to class for class cleaning, talked about CIP. I don't knw why i am the only rvtt-ian who cannot be excused from cca cip for class cip in 3H larh! Argh.

Thought of class name. Like finally. Settled with 3 Hapsburg!

*HAPSBURG*
A royal German family that supplied rulers to a number of European states from the late Middle Ages until the 20th century.

Haha, so cool right! And we're all under the autocratic rule of the sole queen who reigns 3H, Miss Chia! And then we let Mr Tan be the Advisor. Melvin's the Duke. And im the Dutchress. Whee. Going to make a superchio noticeboard together with welfare leaders. Hoping the end product will rock the class like siao. We're all royalties wor! (:

After school went for the very first 3H class lunch. Though not really class lunch. Everyone who turned up was pearly, yanyi, rousi, sylvia, kristie, me, junbin, chentao, jianlong, jieren, sweecheng, acer, junhao, yuhong and vincent. We finished lunch and went je library and lagged from 2+pm to 6.30pm! We talked like so many thing, from family, to class to like everything! And watch yuhong, jieren they all play with the vending machine.

Discussed about the board with sylvia and jieren. Thought of materials, mapped out the layout and stuff. Checked price. Hopefully can meet the deadline of next friday! The board's gonna rock! (:

I <3 3H!

2007-02-15T18:25:00.000+08:00

Gohhua sent me the neos that we took yesterday! Okay i look rather weird in them =/

Haha, im so outstanding right! Special one, i got a crown =D

Huahua with her tigger. Haha.

Im so central! =D

Me and my nicenice juniors =D

----

Today was a boring day at school. Like when isn't it? So many people falling asleep here and there during physics lesson. CID was damn retarded larh. Couldn't get to extract a single shit out of the strawberries we were using and it almost overflowed from the apparatus. Ohwell. We redid it with pandan leaves. All it smells like was like grass instead of anything nice at all. LOL.

Chinese lessons was exciting. We had some spelling competition. It was supposed to be some lameshit game which only AGH could think of larh. And my group got me, sylvia, wanglie, yufan and acer! Thought would be very bad. But then it's very fun to keep shouting to yufan and acer how to write the word when they go up. Our group won in the end =DD

I came back home early today, supposedly going out with my mother to sought for new year clothes. Haven't bought any. Pathetic =x But then anyway i also not really celebrating this year so..no need to look very nice. When i came back, was too tired and raining too, so didn't go out afterall. I'm going to sleep early today because there's nothing to be handed up tmr! Woohoo!

After CNY, school would seriously be like hell. All the tests like piling up on thursday. There are like 5 school days in the week, why must all those tests cram into thursday? Want us stress to death uh?! Zzz. I'm probably flunking everything except chinese. Okay, maybe i'll flunk that too. After CNY going into Dunearn match, semi-finals then finals. God bless RVTT please. We'll win them all (:

I must stop being so slack and do my work le. Arghh..

----

Getting so emo nowadays. Actually i agree with Junice. Emo posts make the blogger sound like so pathetic and blah. But then, sometimes i just can't help but be emo. I think i have good reason to be emo, if you even knw what larh. Being emo and typing up an emo post can seriously help to relieve a little bit of that stress bottled up inside. Call me emo, call me pathetic, i don't care.

What else must i still care about when the one i want to care for most is gone? It's all youyouyouyouyou in my head nowadays. Don't tell me to let go and forget. I'm doing none of that. Because i want it to stay till it can't go on anymore.

2007-02-14T22:08:00.000+08:00

Firstly, i want to make a response to 'horfun', 'yufan', 'CB' and whoever else is trying to be funny. I think i knw who the hell YOU TWO are. YES, TWO OF YOU. What the fuck is your problem? NELSON CHONG AND GOH KUN HONG. This is your idea of fun? Then PLEASE FUCKING GROW UP. You want to have fun, you want to come and spam, NOBODY IS STOPPING YOU. But would you mind please leave your classmates out of this stupid imposting?! Yufan did nothing wrong to you two okay, neither did silin or lau sinyee or sharman or whoever else you two assholes had implicated. If any of them did anything that you two are unhappy with, PLEASE FUCKING ACT LIKE A GODDAMN MAN WITH BALLS AND COME RIGHT OUT AND SAY IT. And don't you two fucking dare to pollute my tagboard again. There is a limit to my patience, don't try me okay. I'm warning you two.

If you got NOTHING BETTER to do in your module, would you mind please like go FUCK YOURSELVES AND DIE OFF somewhere else and not come here and use my tagboard and make UNINTELLIGENT AND IMBECILLIC remarks which only show you two as FUCKING RETARDS. My blog is not the place for the two of you to practice how to be an asshole. It's really pretty damn sad to see 14 year old people act like childish idiots. PLEASE FUCKING GROW UP.

Assholes. Ruined my mood.

----

Ohwell. Was V'day today, as everyone knws. Prepared all the presents i have to give to people and i went to school with a full paper bag. When i reached school, i put the 2 correction tapes i bought for my secret valentine - Jonathan, on his table with the note which i asked my younger bro to write for me. Of course the handwriting is like shit, so he can't guess mah. LOL. Then i gave him the kinder surprise after the secret valentines were revealed. Kunhong gave me a flower which is very nice. He got me as secret valentine. Shame that he has to go and ruin the impression i have of him. tsk.

That's the flower that kunhong gave me. And the RED MORINGO! <33!>

Candies & Chocolates galore! The biggest bar of chocolate is from jieren and sylvia. Dars from sherry. Big lollipop from yeejin. Smaller one beside from pearly. And various others from juniors + seniors + classmates. Thanks everyone (:

After school had module. Was very interesting this time because chia kelli teach. About American Revolution now already. After module, i went fuhua to support the C div girls. They won both schools today! =D After that, we went to je for dinner. And look at my juniors zi-high and zi-lian on the bus.

PinNing and Kaikai =DDD

Yijun and Gohhua (:

Then after dinner, went to take neos with them. At first i didn't want to take, because im seriously hell broke. But they paid for me, so nice of them (: It turned out rather nice. Waiting for gohhua to scan it before i can upload. I look so 'central' because they are all in red and im in pinafore! Ohwell. Haha. Then i thought i lost my hp. Went running around searching for it. In the end, pinning found it hanging on her bag -.- Haha. LOL.

Then i went home. HAPPY VALENTINES PEOPLE.

& HAPPY B'DAY SIMON!

----

Just can't help but think of you...

2007-02-12T22:20:00.000+08:00

Oh yes, it's match day today! You probably already knw before this post from my tagboard that:

RVTT B GIRLS HAVE WON BOTH FUHUA AND BUKIT VIEW AT 4-1! =DDD

Okay, all of us are happy but then i was kind of disappointed. Because i didn't play well at all today. My backhand was damn off-form and my forehand although on-form, i don't dare to use it. Zzz.. Was second doubles for fuhua match. I was on-form bah, kept having chances to smack and flip. Then subsequent matches kept getting worse and worse until i can't attack anymore.

In the end, still won 3-2. I hate half fight. Damn scary and stupid ): I played until damn pek chek there larh. Like crap, i thought the doubles supposed to be very strong, then i see them play until like that, don't knw they anyhow play de or serious de larh. Then i was just damn pek chek and being super vulgar. HAHA.

Second match i was first doubles. That pair from bukit view is lousy like shit. And STILL half fight, i even more pek chek. Don't knw what the hell is wrong with me larh. Jiao lian said i wasn't playign wellat all today. Really could have got it over with straight 3-0. In the end like damn stressed when set score 2-1 they leading. If we lose then the rest will demoralised. Then we chiong and won.

Our school played damn long. Last school to go. Then i went to eat dinner with zhijun, reached home at 8.45pm. Like so late. Don't need to do anymore hw, everything say i match no time to do. Hahaha. Why must one day got two matches, damn tiring one larh wth.

Maybe my performance got affected afterall. But still, thanks to my hu shen fu (:

2007-02-11T17:51:00.000+08:00

Went out for tuition today. Done second part of trigonometry. Done some questions and that's basically it. Somehow i still think im going to flunk that test on wednesday. Moreover so, since im going to have to miss math tmr for tournament.

After tuition went to je lib to search for history maps and stuff while i wait for sylvia. I found two useful books and took picts with it using my hp. I didn't knw my hp had such a powerful zoom. LOL. Saw Sweecheng, Elijah and Jianlong at the library. Then i went home.

And that's the end.

Tmr's the day. Jiayou B girls!

----

I missed it by a second. Just one second. Is this really going to happen? It's just 2 hours more. I didn't knw i will be so shaken, i thought i won't be affected. The tears just kept coming and i can't stop them at all. Playing the sad songs over and over again, thinking back on all the times. All the promises, everytime we talked. Doesn't help me at all. Cos we've been too close and now i can't let go. Wait for it to fade away, or probably not at all.

I'll be strong. It isn't going to affect my performance tmr.

Nostalgic ):

2007-02-11T01:07:00.000+08:00

Never really thought about it, until now i can't believe it's really going to happen.
Never really started, but didn't want to put it to an end.
Never thought i will be so affected, guess i fell too deep afterall.
Didn't even realise it myself.
Thought i finally had what i wanted, but still lost completely to time.
I can't stand that distance, can't stand that uncertainty.
Fought so hard to hold on to it, but it's all out of my control.
Because there are long years ahead, things happen, people change.
You'll change. I'll change. We all change.
Don't have that faith to challenge time. No, i don't have that faith.

Just can't explain what i really want to say.

I didn't mean to be emo ):

2007-02-10T22:18:00.000+08:00

I stoned for a full 15min before i started typing a single word. Ohwell. Thinking too much.

Went for training early in the morning. Half asleep, really very tired. Trained and trained. Like what else can i say about it larh. Halfway through someone went chapel there to spray that insecticide thing. So we all evacuated to the canteen. Jiao lian dicsussed some tactics with us and such. Me pearly and rousi started saying random things about 3H.

Went back and started playing again. Until 12+ then went jec for lunch. After that went library to search for physics articles with zhijun. Then pearly rousi and jaslin joined us after a while. We must have looked crazy. Big pile of New Scientists and Focus and Scientist American all over the floor. Spent liek 2 hours there searching for 2 related articles. Finally found and photocopied. Doubt i will understand =x

Then i went home on 99, totally exhausted and looking for a good 45min of sleep on that bus. I got the 15min. And a bunch of guys from this XXX school boarded and sat close to me. Started making this big din and disruppted my sleep. I stayed wide awake for the rest of the 30min glaring at the them. Tmd. Stupid people.

And i came back and slaxked.

Argghh tmr ):

2007-02-09T23:28:00.000+08:00

Yet another normal day. But what makes today so special is...it's a FRIDAY! LOL. And im frigging tired today omg. Still got training tmr. Zzz...

Ohwell, shall not talk about lessons because they are (as usual) extremely boring. Maybe except Singapore Studies =D Haha, i was telling sylvia that i have this BIGGG crush on my co-form, Mr Tan. NOT Tan Lian Seng or Tan Kim Chuan! Haha but of course, im just joking. LOL.

3H decided to play a game today. Something like angel and mortal. But now is secret valentine. Haven't even picked the secret valentine. Like must take so long. First is because they keep exchanging and telling others then second time was because of a mix-up in the lots we're drawing. Zzz at first i got simon, second time i got junbin. Heard that junbin got me for second time also. Haha so coincidental. But then all not counted. Monday repick.

Gohsm released late again today. Damn it i cannot stand her liao man -.- Her lessons are hell boring then always give us LONGGG answers to copy and blah blah blah. Then went out and saw the sec 4s of 2006 in the canteen and hall waiting to collet their O levels results. Our rvtt seniors did well, proud of them all. especially you! (:

Training was like...i don't knw whether it's the training that is hiong or it's just me. I was exhausted by like 4.30pm. Gahs. But then jiao lian still forced me to continue. And then i went home alone.

Still got training tmr! Plus homework, omg.
1. Language Arts formal letter
2. Math handout
3. Qing Nian Wen Zhai
4. Physics articles
5. Physics graph
6. History PW
7. Yangling's tuition work -.- Also don't knw drag how long liao.

Omg match is starting on monday!

It's a happy day today =D (No link)

2007-02-08T23:01:00.000+08:00

No inspiration for blogging. Nowadays i just come to blogger like it's set on my brain's default function. Enter username and password, Create New Post. Blank. Then i'll be stoning down here thinking of what i want to blog about. Sometimes i just don't want to blog about the lessons, sometimes my thoughts are too messed up to be organised properly, sometimes what i want to say can't really be blogged at all.

Ermm...so today will be yet another boring old routine-daily-life kind of post. Leave if you feel bored halfway. I'm not feeling entertaining so, don't blame me for an uninteresting post. Not like my posts have ever been interesting anyway.

Had 30min to think of class name today. Initially settled on 3Huh? Which i thought was rather dumb. Miss chia didn't accept it anyway, so still had to choose another one. I wonder when this will ever be done. I'm getting damn sick of thinking about the same things over and over again. I hope it could be settled quickly then..

I have no idea how im going to pass my math. I'm not exactly very good at memorising all the formulas and stuff. Ohwell.

History, didn't really talk much. Supposed to do a project work. I'm doing it with sylvia. CID was...smelly. It's a totally normal word to describe it, considering im in Scents and Fragrances cluster. Cutting up orange skin, extracting essential oils etc. Our group was rather alright. Released 10min late.

Rushed back for physics. Goh sm not happy because class didn't answer her questions. Not like we could help it. She is damn boring. Lang Arts, i don't even want to talk about it. I'm wondering if hook is supposed to come in and talk bout letters and letters all the time? Chinese was, stupid. It always is. I don't knw what is AGH's problem. Not like i want to knw anyway. I can't remember anything else.

After school went training with sherry, zhijun, edmund and antonio. I played match with sherry most of the while. lost more than won. Left at 5.30pm. I went Anchorpoint to get something. Then i took 198 back and reached at 7.50pm. And got nagged at by my father because i've been reaching home at like close to 8pm for this whole week. And probably tmr too, since there's training. And that is out of my control.

And so ends my boring old day.

----

& so im nothing to you? Just kept criticising me, like im worthless and all. Just because i don't help you in some things, do you really have to put me down like that? Yeah of course, my brothers are THE BEST. My older brother is 3rd in his class in a neighbourhood school. You asked me why i can't be third in my class.. Yeahyeah, my younger brother got the bursary this year along with my older brother. Yeahyeah, i didn't get anything at all. I'm hopeless already. Yeahyeah. Everything is my fault.

V day want to buy stuff for my friends you also not happy, say V day should tell my friends that i love my father and mother. Saying you always give me money when you bring me to school in your car. Hello, when's the last time i even set foot in your goddamn car larh. Ask me i buying for guy or girl. This is stupid. I'm not 3 years old, i can think for myself. And i think im alot more sensible than you think i am. At least i didn't get into ANY relationships since entering of secondary school like you bet i would. Save the bullshit larh.

Tell my brother he get bursary he will give my brother extra $100 increasing every year. & i asked you what if i got a bursary. And you said "You won't get it because you're too proud of yourself" Crazy. I don't even knw what the hell you're saying. Too proud of myself, that was like my PRIMARY 3's mentality and ego. This shows what you knw about me only stopped at primary 3. Which is extremely shi bai. And it doesnt help by saying i wont get it.

Never got abit of encouragement from you. Tell me don't be a kaypoh and be chairperson. Tell you i cross country 21st got a trophy, you told me "21st so lousy also can get trophy?" Trainings you also don't support. Tell me i won't ever get far with playing table tennis. Tell me not to go for trainings on saturdays because they are a waste of time. Tell me no use in getting into RV when i have such academic results. Tell me i would be the first in RV to go into ITE. Quite a large amount of encouragement you gave me huh?

You can't blame me for not liking to stay home. Because you were the one who made me feel like im nothing, NOTHING AT ALL to you nor the family. Made me feel ever so unimportant. So why am i even trying to be a better daughter? I'm nothing in your eyes anymore.Don't tell me i don't knw how to appreciate what they have done for me. I knw it clearly well what im saying and i don't think it sounds childish of sorts. I have never addressed my father and mother as dad or mum or anything like that. Just father and mother. I don't feel even close enough to call mum or dad. I knw clearly well that i have never really liked, not to mention loved, my family before.

Giving me money for allowance and providing for me = love me? WOW. NEWSFLASH.

Because after all that, it's hard to believe you even cared at all.

I have no idea why i did that. Bu si xin ye hai mei fang qi.

2007-02-07T23:16:00.000+08:00

Replies to tags:
Ong Ming Jie & Jonathan> Obviously, you, yes you, singular, have got nothing better to do. Although it's only early Feb, i think i knw my classmates enough to knw that the two of them are not so wuliao to tag such imbecilic comments. I HATE people using others' names and imposting. And doing such things at your age is rather childish. If you are someone from 3H, i can only say: Please reflect.

Jonathan Ng> LOL, i presume that imposer is trying to fake the jonathan from my class, since jonthan and rousi are tablemates.

Anon> I don't see why you have to knw unless you are someone from the team. And i presume you are too, since someone out of the team will not bother to knw anything about MY juniors. So please could you state your grand name and be proud that your parents gave it to you. If not, i don't think you have the right to knw anything.

Sweecheng> LOL you don't take advantage of sylvia hor. Next time she pek cek liao don't help you do then you'll die. Haha.

Pearly> LOL. Yeah a joke. Whatever.

Rousi & OmJ> Relax rousi. Just some wuliao imposters. Yeah well, it's lame.

Chingxin> ERM. You don't have to like announce to everyone who reads my blog that she lu4 her RED 'inner beauty' HAHA. Yeah i knw jonneh. LOL.

Ohwell, i wonder why the people in my class managed to find my blog and sort of spammed it while i wasn't online. Really la, to the imposter, if you are someone from 3H, you should seriously go and reflect okay. The worst thing is that you are imposting using your own classmates' names. & to anon, i really think you must be a junior. But whatever larh. If you are someone from the team just go ahead and tag with your name la. Anonymous taggers pisses me off more than AP juniors alright. Just want to make this clear.

Woke up late again today, not surprising. Wanted to sleep during lessons again. And considering the fact that today is wednesday and we only have 3 proper lessons, and i feel like sleeping. Yeah, it must be pretty damn bad. Probably only PDP was nice. It's always nice. Ohwell.

Math got what, COMMON TEST next week. Woo. I'm telling you right now, it's going to be a failure grade for me. Zzz

Editorial board meeting was so long-winded. But i managed to eat into about 45min of my module time. Seriously module makes me want to sleep. No, not that im not interested. I am, but it's like 3+pm and my brain shuts down. I'm one of the feature writers ayway. Didn't want to join graphics with sylvia and xinyu and josephine. And module released like 45mins late today?! So i still attended the full 2 hours la.

After module i bought my special 4, instead of 6. And i did something rather...er i don't knw.. in popular. There's this two person, i think buying project work materials. Then the cashier scanned everything. Then i saw they bought 8 files which costed $4.10 each. And then they really bought alot of things. In the end, the total amount was only $19.95 Then i was rather stunned and i saw their receipt. The cashier only scanned the price of one of the files and forgot to multiply $4.10 by 8. That's why it's so cheap in the end. I mean, $4.10 X 8 is already $32.80 larh, how to be $19.95 -.- So after i paid for my stuff, i started off after the two, who didn't seemed to have noticed and told them about it. I don't knw what they think or what, the lady just said "thanks" and i went off. They probably hate me for pointing it out to them or smth. =x I thought it was rather guailan to do that larh. But if i didn't say then popular would have made a loss of $28.70. Okay, not my problem. I don't knw la, because i was forced to make a decision of whether to tell the person in about 2 seconds. And i still told them. Ohwell.

Then joined the C div for dinner at jec. C boys won both hong kah and unity 5-0. Good job guys. And we're next. In 5 days.

='(

2007-02-06T22:42:00.000+08:00

Rather a restless day. I slept at like 11+pm last night but i still felt super sleepy in class today. While i was walking back to class after writing the pink slip today, i was like holding the hem of my pe shirt which just came out. Then lkc pulled me aside and told me to tuck it in properly. Like wth?! It just came out and i so suay tio caught. The first in my whole rv life la -.-

Couldn't concentrate in Hook's class at all. Don't knw what's my problem. Was like going to die when he asked us to write a forml letter in class or whatever. I just hate doing assignments in class, where my level of focus is like at its lowest point. The 1 hour lesson seemed to drag on forever. Was it just me? Damn relieved when his lesson finally let out to PE.

Ran two rounds today. With sharmie again. She's a pro. Then we did shuttle run. Stupid one larh. Last two person who completes the run in each row have to do push-ups for punishment. The girls were lined up after the guys. When they finished, they started placing bets on which girl would complete the run first. Kind of like betting horses. In this case, we are those horses. Zzz. Then next round the girls started betting on the guys too. Yuhong and Sweecheng runs damn fast la.

When we finished i did some push-ups with the last two, and my knee is grazed and it hurts like shit.

We saw our belovedvedved drama teacher today! And as expected, she is dressed in RED. From head to toe. Woot. Red hair (that's bad enough), red shirt, red bag, red shoes, red toenails, and something else which is red. LOL. We love our drama teacher! Like real.

Chinese lessons was the same old lame things. So was chem. I can't stand siting with that 3 guys already. Now i'd rather nelson keep his mouth shut. I'd rather have a partner who is always sleeping in class or who doesn't have a normal functioning mouth. Sitting with that 3 crazy fellows will pollute my already polluted mind. Damn it, they are seriously SICKENINGLY GROSS OKAY. Crap la.

Math was as usual. History as usually interesting. Ohwell.

Met my juniors today. Already blacklisted a girl. Who also happens to be blacklisted by quite a number of us. She's got an attituded face, a kaobei attitude. She scolded jingzhan who is her senior. I only knw, she'll have a lot to learn from me. I'm happy i have such stuck up juniors. No, it's singular, junior. Shan't drag the rest down with her as well. Then went for training.

And trained and trained and trained. Got thrashed by sherry in a match. Just couldn't keep my mind on things. And so ends my day. I'm tired and im going to sleep at 11pm like a good girl. Jiao lian said we should sleep nth later than 10.30pm =x.

C boys are starting tournament tmr. Sad i can't go because of module. Jiayou juniors!

2007-02-05T23:25:00.000+08:00

Ohwell, i slept at 2am and woke up late at 6am today. So im going to be a good girl and go sleep after this post.

Lessons were rather boring (as usual). PE was floorball again but i don't knw why tkc went to the opposing team to be the goalkeeper. Then he walked away abruptly in the middle of the game without saying anything and he left the goal open. We almost scored. 3-2 in the end. Guess who won? Nah, of course not my team.

Chemistry lesson was over the top. The class is really too much sometimes. Had they thought Mr Teo was like invisible or something? I didn't want to shout at them, ask xinyu. Was sort of in a dilemma whether i should just shut my mouth or do something. I opted for the latter then. Was about 10 seconds before the class got noisy again. Sharmie suddenly went OEI! and i was like stunned. LOL.

Drama -.- How much redder can she get larhs. Crap. And she had to pick me and sylvia to read the dialogue too. I can't believe im going to go specially for drama lesson next monday and leave for tournament 1 hour later. Maybe i'll change my mind.

Lang arts was...think i don't have to continue. Practically nothing to say at all. Math was all going through and copying the answers from Mr Liu because most of the people can't do the questions. I drew the diagrams into my notebook now. Positive influence by sylvia. Yayy.

School let out and went for b boys tournament. Was rather boring because it was like no fight. They won against shuqun and hillgrove. Then we all went to jec to eat together. 2 more days, C boys jiayou. Sorry i can't go support you all because i got module ):

Random post.

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Wondering why im feeling so skeptical when im typing this post now. I thought i was in a rather high mood in school. Maybe i acted that all out =x. Like not much of a mood now. I don't knw how i should feel larh. & i still don't knw whether im the one thinking too much or what. I don't want this to occupy my mind anymore. It sucks ):

Byebye im going to sleep.